Dirty jokes

[amarone]

Maybe this has been done before but lets share some dirty jokes.

Superman is out flying around and being a bit bored.
With his superyeys he spots superwoman in her bedroom naked and with her lags wide apart.
He gets extremely horny and figures that since he is superman he can fly in there and f*ck her with superspeed so fast she wont even see him.
He aims for the bedroom and fly in there and do her so fast nobody can see him.
Superwoman screams:what the hell was that
The invisible man say I dont have a clue but suddenly my ass burns as hell.

[iBatch]

I Demand Proper Manners in Bed



The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband's lusty advances
on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely.

"I demand proper manners in bed," she declared, "just as I do at the
dinner table!"

Amused by his wife's formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and
climbed quietly between the sheets. "Is that better?" he asked, with a
hint of a smile.

"Yes," replied the girl, "much better."

"Very good, darling," the husband whispered. "Now would you be so kind
as to please pass the p*ssy."

[English_Bob]

Not dirty, but it made me laugh.



I had a car accident yesterday. I bumped into a car at the traffic lights. A dwarf got out of the car and said, "I'm not happy."



I said, "Well, which one are you then?"

[English_Bob]

Oh and now a dirty one.

My wife was in labour giving birth to our first child. I tried to hold her hand, but she said, "Don't touch me! It's your fault I'm in so much pain, right now!"




I just smiled and said, "If you remember, Darling. I wanted to stick it in your ass, but you said it would hurt too much!"

[Japamerican]

[amarone]

LOL

[Fujico]

Not dirty, but this is funny.:wink:

A little boy goes up to the counter in a drugstore and asks the clerk for a box of Tampax.
The clerk puts them into a paper bag and says to the boy.
'Are these for your mommy?'
'No,' says the boy.
'Well, then,' says the clerk, 'are they for your sister?'
'Uh-uh,' says the boy.
'Well, then,' says the clerk,
'Who are they for?'
'They're for me.' says the boy.
'For you?' says the surprised clerk.
'What are you going to do with them?'
'I don't know yet.' says the boy.
'All I know is that I keep seeing on TV that if you buy these, you can go horseback riding, swimming, camping....'

[Geee]

[quote="Fujico"]Not dirty, but this is funny.:wink:

A little boy goes up to the counter in a drugstore and asks the clerk for a box of Tampax.
The clerk puts them into a paper bag and says to the boy.
'Are these for your mommy?'
'No,' says the boy.
'Well, then,' says the clerk, 'are they for your sister?'
'Uh-uh,' says the boy.
'Well, then,' says the clerk,
'Who are they for?'
'They're for me.' says the boy.
'For you?' says the surprised clerk.
'What are you going to do with them?'
'I don't know yet.' says the boy.
'All I know is that I keep seeing on TV that if you buy these, you can go horseback riding, swimming, camping....'[/quote
Too lame :P

[Stramash]

Last night, my wife asked me if I wanted to share what our fantasies are with each other! She told me hers; having sex in a public place. When I told her mine she threw me out! Apparently, gagging her sister and forcing her to take it up the arse isn't appropriate!
Women, eh?

[drlovelife8]

Your mum begged me to give her 12 inches and make her bleed the other day.............. So I fucked her twice (2 times 6 inches) and punched her in the fooking mouth!