A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when
he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy
has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded
custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations
requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more
than his parents and he adamantly refused to
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a
>----- Subject: Fw: MOWING AND BEER
>
> On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and >watching my wife mow the lawn.
>
> The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came >over and shouted at me,
>
> "You should be hung!"
>
> I took a drink from my can of Budweiser, wiped the cold foam from my >lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban sunglasses and stared directly into the >eyes of this nosy
Winalot*
A story by a man standing in a queue in Tesco...
I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was
standing in the queue at the till. A woman behind me asked if I had
a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot
Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in
the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of
my orifices and IVs in b
At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly
lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish.
Since both of them were widowed,
they decided to go fishing together the next day.!
The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his
fishing boat and started out on their adventure.
They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river,
and the gentleman asked the lady,
"Do you want to go up or down?"
All of a su
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's
daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him,
and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade
with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
Three people check into a hotel. They pay £30 to the manager and go to their room. The manager suddenly remembers that the room rate is £25 and gives £5 to the bellboy to return to the people. On the way to the room the bellboy reasons that £5 would be difficult to share among three people so he pockets £2 and gives £1 to each person. Now each person paid £10 and got back £1. So they paid £9 each, totalling £27. The bellboy has £2, totalling £29. Where is the missing £1?
YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH
This is pretty neat.
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It take s less than a minute .
Work this out as you read ...
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate
(more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)< /SPAN>
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a
> woman
> may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is
> a
> description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY
> ONCE!
> There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the
> shopper
> ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch.... you may choose any
> man
> from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floo
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while
they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't
get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored
lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and
when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we
took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no sea
>As temperatures reached a highest ever recorded 29oC in Aberdeen
> July 2006......
> >
> >Panic gripped the streets of Aberdeen yesterday when patches of sky
> >took on an unusual blue colour and a ball of fire appeared above the
> >city.
> >
> >The phenomenon, known as 'The Sun', and commonly found in
> >Mediterranean countries such as Greece and England, unleashed a
> >terrifying heat and brightness upon the city,
>My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
>decided to get married.
>There was only one little thing bothering me... It was her beautiful
>younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very
>tight
>miniskirts and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when
>she
>was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private
>parts.
>It had to be deliberate. She never did i
Lord made man in the Garden Of Eden,
Then he thought to himself "There's something he's needin'".
So after scratching around for a suitable pearl
God fiddled around until He'd created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching t
today hit 41 degrees forcast is 45 plus for the next week ,if anyone ever been throgh this you will know what i mean when i say OHHHHHHHHHH FUKIN ****,,,IT IS THE MOST HORENDAS THING YOU CAN THINK OF,,no air and when you do get som ..think of your hair dryer and try breathing that,,anyway i still love all my friends,,,,,oh and by the way i think i got my spellin rong
What I did on my summer holiday
by Theo Walcott
I went to a place called Germany with my Uncle Sven and some other grown ups. It is a country in Europe where a bad man called Adolf used to live with
his nazties, he does not live there anymore, Uncle Owen does live there, and the grown up's say I cant talk about the bad man as it will make Uncle Owen
cry if I do. In Germany there are lots of castles and some mountains. We are staying in a place called Baden Baden that's a silly name, Uncl
tonight was up your cheating ass time,,the whole world seeen it tonight rightand you know what my friends ....they actualy think they are the ones that were cheated,, even my very best friends still think they were cheated,,,,,, i laughfffffffff my fukin ass offf it just showes the dif between us and the rest of them god help chelsea
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that
towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800
and
leaves.
The woman wraps back up
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has
been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago
lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated
such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the
early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my
fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you
A posh hotel holds three weddings on the same day and at the end of
the
night the 3 grooms meet up at the bar to discuss the days events over a
couple of beers. one questions the other two:
>
> "Listen, it's our wedding night and I was wondering - how many times
are
we expected to um..you know...do it?". Eventually, they all decide to
retire
to their respective wives and see how
> the night goes, with the idea to meet up the following morning over
breakfast to discuss what we
The Koala and the Little Lizard
A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says "Hey Koala ! what are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the r
Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding which got increasingly
>tighter
>& tighter as the day went on.
>That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired
>to
>their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling.
>Please remove my shoes.
>My feet are killing me!"
>Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with
>vigour,
>but it would not budge.
>"Harder!"
>yelled Camilla.
>"Harder!" Charles ye
guys ,ladys,,and the rest of you,,,are you really ok with 2 to 3 mins to turn a page ,or is it just my computer ,,LOL ,,i KNOW ITS NOT.WHat happened to this site???????????,,guys ,,ladies,,sorry if i dont vote back ,,or return your mail,,,,,you should allow 14 days,,,LOL,,,,,i really dont have time anymore,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,somebody needs to sort this out,,,i love thixssite and you peeps but ,,,sorry ,,,i dont have that much time ,,some of us need to work
tonight my friend came to see me with her 17 year old daughter..i havent seen her or her daughter for 4 years,,,so she says to me ,,well did she turn out a babe or not...and just like her mum hell yea..fukin hell.....but as they walked in to my pub the one in the middle caught ny eye ...**** ,,,,stunning and i mean drop dead stunnung...so ,,,after a while i ask her where she comes from,,,,she says holland,, i say no really becauce your eyes say your asian,,,,anyway mun is indonisien,dad is dutc
