A mother is driving her little girl
to her friend's house for a play
date.
'Mommy,'the little girl asks,'how
old are you?'
'Honey, you are not supposed to
ask a lady her age,' the mother
replied. 'It's not polite.'
'OK', the little girl says,
'How much do you weigh?'
'Now really,' the mother says,
'those are personal questions and
are really none of your business.'
Undaunted, the little girl asks,
'Why did you and Daddy get a
divorce?'
'That's enou
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had
been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long,
long time.
So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there
he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to
leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an
interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith
HOW TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES
The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
productive salesmanship.
Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she
said
proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil
spirit
and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good," said the teacher.
Little Jenny was next:
"I sold magazines," she s
This is how the Majority in America Feel. Our Polititians have lost focus. To many fronts to act upon. We need to take care of our own and to the HELL with everyone else.
4TH GRADE TEACHER LETS OBAMA HAVE IT
IF SHE GETS FIRED THEN THEY NEED TO REPLACE THE SCHOOL BOARD.
A TEACHER FROM THE GREAT STATE OF MISSOURI WILL LOSE HER JOB FOR STANDING UP FOR ALL OF US.
Give this teacher and true American a standing ovation.
This 4th grade teacher has said it all, and she was brave enough to attach h
I know this will educate everyone on proper technique.
This was sent to me from a Female Thai Friend living in my area.
Surprised me she would send this.Very reserved Lady.
How to Poop at Work
We've all been there but don't like to admit it..
We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt
something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince
ourselves otherwise, the *WORK POOP* is inevitable. For those
who hate pooping at work, following is t
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her
trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring
and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is
like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received
the following letter from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Cohen,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been
forced to ban
I would like to wish you all on TF a very Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!
http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=2009810796006&source=jl999
Well, it’s still fun to dream…
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U..S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
"My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time
THE WEDDING RING: A True Story from the Houston Medical Center
A man went to the ER to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis. According to the nurse attending, the patient's girl friend found the
ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep.
Now you decide what's worse:
1) Having your girl friend find out you're married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.
3) Or fin
The Candy with the Little Holes. For all you teachers.
The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
Red......................Cherry
Yellow..................Lemon
Green..................Lime
Orange ...............Orange
Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.
The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her
The Lie Clock
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter's desk at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks there for?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa 's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the
This came from a gent who runs a 2000 acre corn farm up around Barron,
WI not far from Oshkosh. He used to fly F-4Es and F-16s for the Guard
and participated in the first Gulf War... Submitted for your enjoyment,
and as a reminder that there are other great, magnificent flyers around
besides us.
------------------------------------------------
I went out to plant corn for a bit to finish a field before tomorrow
morning and witnessed The Great Battle. A golden eagle - big bastard,
FINALLY, THE 6 ANSWERS WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR:
Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for 'suck here.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY
Charlotte, North Carolina: A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and
expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and
without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the
lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer
stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.'
Th
MARIJUANA FILLED FIREWOOD
'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'
'Yes. What can I do for you?'
'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there.'
'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'
The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find
Looks like he?s done it again!
I WISH WE HAD A CANDIDATE WITH THIS PLATFORM!!
I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE.
HERE IS MY PLATFORM:
(1) 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can.
(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart 's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'
(3) When
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skir
Little Johnny is at it again
President Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion of the word 'tragedy'? So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.
One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over the farmer, ki
The Story of Adam & Eve's Pets
Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'
And God said, 'I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will a
Two moons on August 27th
27th Aug the Whole World is waiting for.............
Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August. It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will cultivate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles off earth. Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am. It will look like the earth has 2 moons.
The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287.
Share this with your friends as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see it again
