I must appologise in advance for all the sex in these. I also hope all you can take this in fun and understand that in no way do I condone making fun of people trying to learn English in addition to their native language. You should hear my Thai and Mandarin.

Again please feel free to add your own.

1. Another classic example of "farang beware" is the dessert "kluay buat chee" (falling tone/low tone/mid tone) which approximately means "the ordained nun's bananas", and consists of bananas in coconut milk. It is one of the few Thai desserts I actually like.

Now, there are a number of things which can go wrong when you order this dessert - the end result which will cause the most laughter from the Thais should be "my cock has to go wee-wee = khuay bpuat chee" (mid tone-low tone-low tone).

2. During the voting time a few years ago, my girlfriend(now wife) was trying to explain to me that she would have to go home for the weekend to do something.

My Thai was and is not bad, but the word for "vote" obviously doesn't come up in conversation very often. So she starts shuffling through her dictionary whilst trying to talk to me down the phone to explain what she will be doing. "I am going home to make an erection (election)".

3. Try translating this one. "new thai silk does not burn". Answer at the end.

4. Ive told my GF that she is number 1 in my world and should take no s**t from no one , and that she is really special to me and i will always put her before me.

Guess my new name????

Number 2!!

5. This morning my wife woke me up saying that slumabit(son of a b*tch) labbit(rabbit) ate my loses(Roses). If I catch him we are going to have labbit stew.

6. Mine: I once got the tone wrong in Mandarin and told my friend's ( a woman) girlfriend who didn't speak any English, but I was stuck sitting next to her. I wanted to make small talk and ended up telling her she had small breasts. You should have hear all the girls in the group laugh. By the way only one other person in the group spoke English.

Answer for #3 "mai, mai,mai,mai,mai"

nice story! one thing i can't do is being patient and trying to understand another person's attempt to communicate. i'ts great to see u have such patient.

i'll be looking out for ur next journal. ;=)

A new lady in town from the e-san came to workin in a bar. She did not speak any Enlish and the mammasan helped her with some basics. She told her that if some farang take her out, she had to say that she was horny, and after the shower she had to say that she was hungry, because the farang will take her out for food and so she did not have to have sex all the time. The same day some farang payed the barfine and toke her out to his room. The next day he brought her back, saying that she was "ting tong" because everytime when he came from the shower, she was telling him that she was horny. In the meanwhile the lady was talking to the mammasan that this farang was crazy, because everytime when he came from the shower she told him that she was hew, but than he started having sex again. Her new name in this bar now is miss horny.

Excuse me for my own poor English