I also hope all you can take this in fun and understand that in no way do I condone making fun of people trying to learn English in addition to their native language. You should hear my Thai and Mandarin.

Again please feel free to add your own.

1. Living in my wife's village 15 years ago I was woken up one time in the wee hours of the morning, about 10am. I was told to come and see the airplane. I thought that this has got to be worth seeing as I imagined a light two seater aircraft had landed out in the rice fields somewhere and was going to put on some kind of show. Kind of like the barn stormers in the American midwest.

I got to the main street that runs through this little rice farming community only to see........an elephant. I told my wife that it's not an airplane but a friggin' elephant and she realised her mistake then asked what a 'frikken elepan' was. I explained that an elephant is an elephant at all times but when I'm woken up specially to go and see one, then it becomes a 'friggin' elephant'.

2. she was fixing dinner and I asked her what she was making, she said, "chimp." I was horrified. I've eaten some strange things in Thailand though, so decided to just go with the flow and sat down to wait for my meal of fried monkey. Was very grateful when I was served shrimp.

3. When I arrived in LOS a few years ago, I briefly travelled around before settling, with an English girl I met in Chian Rai.

For a couple of weeks, every morning, we´d go to local market, wherever we were, and she´d be all chuffed and proud as a peacock, asking in her newly accquired Thai, "I would like two small banana´s please" I would notice puzzled looks on the vendors faces, but I knew no Thai then. Her pointing directly at the banana´s in question clarified and made the sale. After a couple of weeks, an elder lady vendor in Trat with a glint in her eye, kindly pointed out to this girl that she was, had been been two weeks solid, so proudly asking for two small penises every morning.

4. My lady used to tell me that she was going to arabic......Now this really had me worried......I asked her about going to arabic......she started jumping up and down and moving her arms around......Aerobics.....