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Edge of 27 th : Beginning of 28 th


sinderella

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Again...
My journal is very very long.
For friends who is keeping track
Please click  here to read.
 
Thank you very much
 
Sincerely,
 
Sawitree 
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sorry to hear that your jobs fell through but getting back up and dusting yourself off shows more resiliency than you probably think you have. it doesn't feel that way but you'll be fine.

i don't know...

i've always preferred tilting at windmills to chasing money. can't say it's worked out terribly well but can't say chasing money would have either. i'm fairly sure i'd have the same angels and devilis watching over me and still know them all by name.

not that my opinion matters and i don't know him and don't know you, but according to the story, yes. "giving" you all his money was an insidious way of getting himself more money for beer and partying and not having to give you much of anything, because anything you spent you would likely feel guilty. and an easy way for him to duck any responsibility at all. that way he's like a supporting actor in a movie--he'll be the one who charms the audience while you advance the plot.

obviously i too have been very stubborn about working for money. my allowance ended when i was 16 though. my dad was born poor but most definitely isn't poor any more. he would help if i asked. yet i have never been able to bring myself to ask for help even if i am starving. objectively this is stupid but quite likely i wouldn't have felt much better had i lived the "smart" way, asked for help, and become a banker or something. can't say my disregard for material success has improved my creative work.

happiness, confidence, these are choices, in my opinion. you learn how to have happiness and confidence regardless of your circumstances. or, you don't.. there is always sorrow, insecurity, and all sorts of bad feelings tugging at you no matter who you are or what you do, aren't there. maybe the key is, you have to choose what to notice to achieve the state of mind you want.

bottom line is don't worry about failing in this life, there is no right answer, you're not likely to starve (i didnt starve in spite of my best efforts), and we all exit this world the same way. take being alive for what it is, an incredibly interesting accident. notice things. notice there is a certain magic in everything, that to be aware--to be conscious--to be there to see it, whatever it is, ranging from an incredible iridescent blue butterfly (google papilio ulysses if you want a picture) to a soi dog crapping in a filth-laden abandoned house.

oh and i think cleaning one's apartment is an ideal way to celebrate a birthday. renewing your apartment is like a kind of rebirth isn't it.

sorry to ramble on and i don't mean to lecture but i have felt some of things you write about before.

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Thats the first time I was able to read your jounal. Very impressive.

I've never been in the situation you describe so I'm afraid I don't have good advice to offer other than the cliche keep your head up sort of stuff. I have life deal me some hard blows from time to time though so I do know about when it feels like the world has pulled the rug out from under you. I've always looked back on those times of life and seen how they've helped me grow and change. It's hard because your first instinct is to focus on the now but sooner or later I force myself to think back on all those other times and see how they really become opportunities for me.

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Good to have some news from you Sawitree. I am glad to see you starting to smile again (even if it is only for your birthday).

I think I told you you in a past issue of your journal how I felt about Capitalism. It is a political and economic system not better nor worse than others. It is the people running the system that will make it work or not... (personally, I tend to prefer socialism, but it is really a matter of taste). Also some countries would truly benefit from a more capitalist system while others could greatly gain by adopting a more left wing platform. If you dislike capitalism, you should try reading Karl Marx's book : Capital vol. 1. It is the best critique of capitalism ever written and as relevant now as it was then.

About money, I feel the same way as you do. I don't like to think about money, how much I spend, how much things cost, how much I earn, etc. I am lucky now because I have a good job now and don't need to worry about it so much anymore... But I think my dislike for money explains why I am such a shopaholic. :lol: When I am stressed or upstet about something my remedy is always to go spend money on clothes, music, books etc. until I start feeling better...

Take care and keep smiling!

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You've covered various topics but I will only comment on one .. MONEY.

Money is the root of all Evil. Then why is it, the majority of people are obsessed by it & want to accumulate it?

"Greed & Powe"r. Money talks all languages & their are lot of privileges that go with it.

Money can buy you all the Material things in Life & Friends. (False friendship)

Money cannot buy Love, Happiness, Good Health or Immortality.

You cannot take any Material or Monetary Assets with you when you depart this World.

They say Money makes the World go round. It certainly does that.

Majority of people are on that Carousel, going round & around chasing the Almighty Dollar,

which they Worship more than the Creator. (God. Buddha. Allah)

Personally I don't hold those views.

My view on Money is this:-

Money is only a Commodity that is needed,

to help transport oneself through life, to exist!

Maybe some people will regard that view as being too Simplistic.

But basically that is what it boils down to.

PS:- I had money before, now I don't have much.

But at the same time at this stage of my Life,

I have never been as Happy as I am now.

True friends are my Wealth. That is how I gauge Wealth. So I am indeed Rich.

Take care & good luck. Have a happy life.....Dekka

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One of the ways to understand the value of somebody is to see all the good this person is able to gather from others.

Having the courage to share your principles in the way you do, jumping out of the internet?s window ? without any emotional safety net? then reading the others who commented before?

Do you remember my own list of why life deserve to be lived?

Add another item, please. Add messages like this one to the things that make me believe we are ?here? for something.

M.

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Yesterday a friend of mine came to see me. A month ago, in delivering her baby, she almost died. Now she has fully recovered, the baby is gorgeous and their eyes shine.

Life is worth living.

I just opened the first box of my favorite cookies from Italy. My grandomother bought it for me, to remind me my childhood with her, how important she is and how lucky I have been in having her to guide me. The cookies taste so good and my heart remembers everything so well.

Life is worth living.

This morning, on the boat to my work, the lady seating in front of me smiled with a splendid light, without any reason, without any purpose, just to share her joy for something. Perhaps her joy to be alive, and I felt joy for her too.

Life is worth living.

In this period the sky is gray, heavy, it seems that a cloak of steel is embracing Bangkok. However, from time to time, the sun returns and its rays look brighter than ever. And I feel so strong.

Life is worth living.

Tomorrow a friend of mine will wake up full of energies and optimism. She will be just fine and she will find out that bad times and bad moods are left behind. When I will hear that in her next message I will be happy.

Life is worth living.

from: Vento

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