Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One
lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh
sure I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The
second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the
first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her
hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman
approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be
forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high
wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto
this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"
said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at

the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!"

Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from
their park bench. Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this
'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'.'
Mutual orgasm' here and mutual orgasm' there - that's all they talk
about. Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever

have mutual orgasm?". Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook
her head and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home
reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and
demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she
could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions

used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of
two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece. The third old lady
remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy
you're talking about.