When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....so, I took her to a gas station....

and then the fight started....

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'

And then the fight started.....

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ?Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'she?s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....

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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started.....

Never seen this style of joke before... but I like it. Love the dwarf one.

Here's a similar one...

Guy comes home from work, slumps down in front of the TV with the remote and says, "Wife, get me a beer... it's gonna start soon."

His wife is a little annoyed but gets him a beer anyway. He drains it in one swallow and says, "OK get me another, it's gonna start in a minute."

She stomps off to the fridge pretty angry now, opens another beer and hands it to him.

Once again he drains it and says, "OK another quick one... It's gonna start any second."

His wife says, "Is that all you're going to do all night? Sit in front of the TV and drink beer?"

The guy answers, "See? .....It's started..."

Ghee - maybe something that some people in TF should take note of . . . 555555555555555

English Bob - weeeellllllllllllllllllllllll maybe a fight would start !!