How to deal with Gym membership sales....
Dear Mitchell
This is a friendly reminder to let you know your gym membership expired
last
week. Your membership is important to us and we would like to take this
opportunity to show our appreciation by offering you a 20% discount on your
membership renewal. We look forward to seeing you again soon.
All the best, Jeff Peters
Dear Jeff,
Thankyou for your friendly reminder and the kind offer to reduce my
membership by twenty percent. I own a calculator but I could not work out
how to do percentages on it so have estimated that I save around $372.10
off
the normal price of $420.00 - Please confirm that this is correct and I
will
renew my membership immediately. Also, do I get a Fitness First sports bag
with towel and drinking bottle included in the price? I own my own
legwarmers and headband.
Regards, Mitchell.
From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.01am
To: Mitchell
Subject: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due
Hello Mitchell
How did you come to that amount? Our half year membership fees are actually
$460 but with the 20% discount as an existing member your renewing
membership fee would be only $368 for the six months saving you almost $100
off the normal price. We are not Fitness First so do not have those bags.
Cheers, Jeff
From: Mitchell
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.18am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due
Dear Jeff
Do I get free shipping with that?
Regards, Mitchell.
From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 12.48pm
To: Mitchell
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due
Free shipping with what? The $368 covers your membership fees for six
months.
From: Mitchell
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 2.26pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due
Dear Jeff
By the power of Greyskull that is a lot of money but I admit to being in
desperate need of increasing my body strength. My ten year old child often
turns the taps off in the bathroom very tightly and I have to go several
days without washing. I feel bad constantly having to ask the lady from
next
door to come over and loosen them for me, what with her arthritis and
limited wheelchair access to my apartment. To be honest, I originally
joined
your gym with full intentions of attending every few days but after waiting
in vain for someone to offer me steroids, I began to suspect this was not
going to happen and the realisation that I may have to exercise instead
was,
quite frankly, horrifying. My aversion to work, along with the fact one of
your employees, Justin, was rather rude, telling me to 'lift this', ''push
that' dulled my initial enthusiasm of becoming muscular and I stopped
attending.
Regards, Mitchell.
From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 9.17am
To: Mitchell
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due
Hello Mitchell
Not sure how to take your email, nobody here would offer you steroids, it
is
illegal and none of our staff would do this. Justin is one of our most
experienced trainers and if you found him rude while he was trying to be
helpful and just doing his job then there are plenty of other gyms you
could
look at joining instead.
Cheers, Jeff
From: Mitchell
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.02am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due
Dear Jeff
Yes, I have noticed that there are many gyms in my area. I assume the low
qualification requirements of fitness trainers means that there is an over
supply of these buffed but essentially otherwise purposeless professionals.
I knew a guy in high school who couldn't talk very well and collected
sticks, he used to call the teacher 'mum' and during recess we would give
him money to dance. Then sell him sticks to get our money back. He went on
to become a fitness instructor so I view gyms as kind of like those
factories that provide a community service by employing people with down
syndrome to lick stamps and pack boxes. Except with more Spandex obviously.
Regards, Mitchell.
From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.32am
To: Mitchell
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due
Go f *ck yourself.
From: Mitchell
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 11.38am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due
Dear Jeff
I was, at first, quite surprised at your response; one minute you are
inviting me to renew my membership and asking me for money, the next
insulting me. After doing a little research however, I have learnt that
mood
swings are an expected side effect of steroid abuse. As another side effect
is a reduction in the size of your p#$%, this gives you understandable
cause
to be an angry person. I have also learnt that Spandex contains
carcinogenic
properties so this does not bode well for yourself and your shiny friends.
If I woke up one morning and my p#$% was a quarter of the size I would
probably take my anger out on those around me as well. There are probably
support groups or websites that could help you manage your problem more
effectively and picture based books available on the subject for people
with
limited reading skills. When I am angry I like to Listen to music by Linkin
Park. The added angst and desire to cut myself works similarly to the way
firefighters fight forest fires by burning off sections, effectively
canceling each other out and I find myself at peace. I understand that you
guys usually listen to Pet Shop Boys or Frankie Goes to Hollywood so this
may be worth a try.
Regards, Mitchell.
From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.04pm
To: Mitchell
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due
DO NOT EMAIL ME AGAIN
From: Mitchell
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.15pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due
Ok.
From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.25pm
To: Mitchell
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal
Due
Is that you being a smartarse or agreeing not to email me again?
From: Mitchell
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.32pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership
Renewal Due
The middle one.
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