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What if ....


CherieAtwood

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“Bang” I banged my head on the floor. It was so painful that I thought I wasn’t going to make it. I opened my eyes, my body was still lying on the road, and I slowly turned my face to the left. Then I saw a car’s wheels right in front of my eyes. A car was going to run my head over. I thought “This is it.” The picture of my father, my mother, and a guy I do love came up. “Dad, mom, and (you know who you are), I’m sorry I don’t think I’m going to make it this time. Please forgive me for everything I’ve done wrong. I’m sorry.”   Luckily, the car did stop. The moment was very short, and things happened so fast. All I knew was that I was so close to being run over by a car. If that car hadn’t stopped, I could have been killed.

 

I had a motorbike accident on June 1st. However, I still feel like it had just happened yesterday. Everyday I wake up, I still find myself full of tears. The picture of what happened to me last Monday has been haunting me for days and nights. It is just something that I find very hard to get rid of.

 

My ex-husband sent me an SMS, “I just lost my father, I don’t know what I would do if I lost you, too.” I was speechless once I read it. Somebody said that I was lucky to be alive. To tell you the truth, that isn’t how I feel. This is not the way I see it. I now live my own life in fear. I feel scared even when I walk on streets. I don’t feel safe anymore in a car. Anything can happen, anytime, anywhere, that is what I keep telling myself. Positively, fear has made me watch every step I take. On the other hand, it haunts me, and my family. What if I hadn’t made it alive, what would have happened? I don’t know, but for some strange reasons, I do want to know.

 

If I had died, I know for a fact that my parents would have been in such great pain. They love me so much that I don’t think I can ever love anyone the way they love me. However, I can’t help wondering, what about a person that I love? How would he have felt? Perhaps nothing, as he never loved, does not love, and will never love me. I just can’t feel it, can’t see it in his eyes, sad really.

 

I know that Tukkie and Jeab would have cried for days. A minute I sent out an SMS, telling my boss including three close friends that I had an accident, my boss rang me straightaway. Tukkie gave me a call almost at the same time. She sounded freaked out on the phone. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you, but the second I heard your voice, I knew for a fact that, although I was scared, I wasn’t alone.

 It can’t be denied that what happened was another life-changing moment of mine. I decided to buy a life insurance package, so when I die, a fixed amount of money will be paid to my mom, dad and my brother respectively. Life is short, it really is. I just hope that there will be at least someone out there who appreciates every breath I take.

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“Bang” I banged my head on the floor. It was so painful that I thought I wasn’t going to make it. I opened my eyes, my body was still lying on the road, and I slowly turned my face to the left. Then I saw a car’s wheels right in front of my eyes. A car was going to run my head over. I thought “This is it.” The picture of my father, my mother, and a guy I do love came up. “Dad, mom, and (you know who you are), I’m sorry I don’t think I’m going to make it this time. Please forgive me for everything I’ve done wrong. I’m sorry.”   Luckily, the car did stop. The moment was very short, and things happened so fast. All I knew was that I was so close to being run over by a car. If that car hadn’t stopped, I could have been killed.

 

I had a motorbike accident on June 1st. However, I still feel like it had just happened yesterday. Everyday I wake up, I still find myself full of tears. The picture of what happened to me last Monday has been haunting me for days and nights. It is just something that I find very hard to get rid of.

 

My ex-husband sent me an SMS, “I just lost my father, I don’t know what I would do if I lost you, too.” I was speechless once I read it. Somebody said that I was lucky to be alive. To tell you the truth, that isn’t how I feel. This is not the way I see it. I now live my own life in fear. I feel scared even when I walk on streets. I don’t feel safe anymore in a car. Anything can happen, anytime, anywhere, that is what I keep telling myself. Positively, fear has made me watch every step I take. On the other hand, it haunts me, and my family. What if I hadn’t made it alive, what would have happened? I don’t know, but for some strange reasons, I do want to know.

 

If I had died, I know for a fact that my parents would have been in such great pain. They love me so much that I don’t think I can ever love anyone the way they love me. However, I can’t help wondering, what about a person that I love? How would he have felt? Perhaps nothing, as he never loved, does not love, and will never love me. I just can’t feel it, can’t see it in his eyes, sad really.

 

I know that Tukkie and Jeab would have cried for days. A minute I sent out an SMS, telling my boss including three close friends that I had an accident, my boss rang me straightaway. Tukkie gave me a call almost at the same time. She sounded freaked out on the phone. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you, but the second I heard your voice, I knew for a fact that, although I was scared, I wasn’t alone.

 It can’t be denied that what happened was another life-changing moment of mine. I decided to buy a life insurance package, so when I die, a fixed amount of money will be paid to my mom, dad and my brother respectively. Life is short, it really is. I just hope that there will be at least someone out there who appreciates every breath I take.

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Everything can happen with us all the time, life to short, to learn everything come into my life. Yeah i have to spend time worth as much as i can. I made 2 Insurance contact, make sure that my family will be fine if something happen to me. Glad to heard that u be alright after accident any way.

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Chez...I know I have been super bad at keeping in touch with everyone including you. But I appreciated every time we have spent together and appreciate you for who you are even though I haven't told you that.

I appreciate all the good deeds you have done to help out other people. You're smart and very caring to your friends and your love ones and you should be proud of yourself really coz I'm proud of you and I'm sure many do as well.Don't worry too much about ppl who doesn't care about u (if you know for sure they don't care that is but maybe they care na :)

Anyway I'm glad you are safe na and I truly hope that the "bang" on the head you had will help you think better about yourself and love yourself more na!

You can feel lonely but remember that you're not alone,there r some ppl somewhere caring and wanting u to b happy coz you deserve it but happiness isn't something already made...it comes from our own actions.

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sorry to hear that accident happened with u ka T____________T

but i'm glad that u r ok now !!! Thanks everything in the world to keep u safe !!!

Please take care u r self ka

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Sorry to hear that. It is post-traumatic stress disorder and it will get better. I had a minor road accident but I avoided that road or thereabouts for months.

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had that moment before.. and I had the same question - 'what if'... soon you will cope with it.. it just takes time.. you will see things differently.. you will appreciate love, life, and other tiny things more..coz you know the answer to that 'what if'..and 'what if' and 'what if'.

Get well soon..and hope your strong spirits come back .. c'mon..you have been good.. and you will always 'deserve' good things in return. :)

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had the chance to have a look into the abyss several times in my lifetime! Don't take your life for granted or just as a question of luck. You will not forget these scary moments but start over and you will be stronger than before without fear.

Happy to hear you are safe and unharmed!

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bloody hell Cherie i didn't know about that .... glad to hear u r ok now.

the fear is a natural reaction and will fade in time ... u take care of urself !!

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Big Hug, Sis

Get well soon...

I never had that moment but I remember one song "If tomorrow never comes"

What I get from this, Instead of "What if..." You are still alive today is the BEST CHANCE.

Make today your best day, Live your life carefully. :)

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What the hell about you not telling me that right away like you did with Tukkie!!!!!And you know WHY i told you ,you were lucky.

By the way glad to see that you are ok.

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Jeeez... sorry to hear that. But glad to know u made it. I know it's scary and it could haunt everyone who went through it. Hope u will feel better soon.

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Cherie,

I think everyone is so happy that you are okay.

I know it's hard but you need to get over your fear and realize that life is a blessing. Make the most of every moment of it.

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Sorry to hear that.

I had almost the same experience a few years ago. After a motorcycle accident I was almost a half year in hospital.

In my case, I lost all my fears and did a lot of stupid things after that.

Your soul will cure her wounds again. All you need are your family, friends and time.

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