I had a motorbike accident on June 1st. However, I still feel like it had just happened yesterday. Everyday I wake up, I still find myself full of tears. The picture of what happened to me last Monday has been haunting me for days and nights. It is just something that I find very hard to get rid of.
My ex-husband sent me an SMS, “I just lost my father, I don’t know what I would do if I lost you, too.” I was speechless once I read it. Somebody said that I was lucky to be alive. To tell you the truth, that isn’t how I feel. This is not the way I see it. I now live my own life in fear. I feel scared even when I walk on streets. I don’t feel safe anymore in a car. Anything can happen, anytime, anywhere, that is what I keep telling myself. Positively, fear has made me watch every step I take. On the other hand, it haunts me, and my family. What if I hadn’t made it alive, what would have happened? I don’t know, but for some strange reasons, I do want to know.
If I had died, I know for a fact that my parents would have been in such great pain. They love me so much that I don’t think I can ever love anyone the way they love me. However, I can’t help wondering, what about a person that I love? How would he have felt? Perhaps nothing, as he never loved, does not love, and will never love me. I just can’t feel it, can’t see it in his eyes, sad really.
I know that Tukkie and Jeab would have cried for days. A minute I sent out an SMS, telling my boss including three close friends that I had an accident, my boss rang me straightaway. Tukkie gave me a call almost at the same time. She sounded freaked out on the phone. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you, but the second I heard your voice, I knew for a fact that, although I was scared, I wasn’t alone.
It can’t be denied that what happened was another life-changing moment of mine. I decided to buy a life insurance package, so when I die, a fixed amount of money will be paid to my mom, dad and my brother respectively. Life is short, it really is. I just hope that there will be at least someone out there who appreciates every breath I take.