We've all been there but don't like to admit it..

 We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt

 something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince

 ourselves otherwise, the *WORK POOP* is inevitable. For those

 who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide

 for taking a dump at work...

 *CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around

 the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone

 else gets a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from.

 Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart

 has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the

 smell has left your pants.

 *FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.

 Walk in and check for other poopers.. If there are others in

 the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to

 become a *FREQUENT FLYER*. People may become suspicious if

 they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

 *ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or

 forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a

 sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do

 not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are a

 man and are standing next to the farter in the urinal,

 pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is

 uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing

 makes both parties feel uneasy.

 *JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at

 a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of

 diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic.

 Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to

 spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

 *COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant

 the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time

 the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you

 avoid being caught doing the  *WALK OF SHAME*.

 *WALK OF SHAME* Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the

 door after you have just stunk up the bath room.. This can be

 a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts

 you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell

 does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the*COURTESY

 FLUSH*.

 *OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work

 and is Doggone proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The

 Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or

 magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for

 the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

 *SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the

 building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors

 that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce

 the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

 *TURD BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in

 the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of

 the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when

 taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall

 until the *Turd Burglar* leaves. This way you will avoid all

 uncomfortable eye contact.

 *CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants

 into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used

 to cover-up a *WATERMELON*, or to alert potential *TURD

BURGLAR*. Very effective when used in conjunction with a

 *SHIRLEY TEMPLE*.

 *SHIRLEY TEMPLE* A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert

 potential *TURD BURGLARS*that you are occupying a stall. This

 will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you

 hear a *SHIRLEY TEMPLE*, leave the bathroom immediately so the

 pooper can poop in peace.

 *WATERMELON* A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting

 the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If

 you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See

 *CAMO-COUGH*.

 SOME VARIETIES OF POOP YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF:

 *The King Poop* = This kind is the kind of poop that killed

 Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty,

 trembling and purple from straining so hard.

 * Bali Belly Poop* = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.

*Cement Block* = You wish you'd gotten a spinal block

 before you poop.

 *Cork Poop*  = Even after the third flush, it's still floating

 in there. How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens

at someone else's house.

 *The Bungee Poop* = The kind of poop that just hangs off your

 rear before it falls into the water.

 *The Crippler* = The kind of poop where you have to sit on

 the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

 *The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang* = The kind of poop that hits

 you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

 *The Party Pooper* = The giant poop you take at a party. And

 when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water

 starts to rise...

 NOW EVERYONE TRY TO GO POOP IN PEACE

 QUIT LAUGHING. POOPING IS A NATURAL PROCESS