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FMIL (Future Mother In Laws)


CuTieGirL

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I never believe in any craps they say about Mother in law can be your worst enemy. I'm still single, not married, but in a committed relationship for 2 years now. I first met my future mother in law one year ago. We took a few trips together along with my BF. She treats me nice. And I've always been treating her like she's a part of my own family. Sometime my bf even mention that his mom probably likes me a lot that's why she treats me that way. And I'm on my best behavior with her, always treat her with respects. We talk about things we like. Looks like 2 women who get along well with each other.Then a few months ago, I was shock to find out that she'll be coming to visit with her friend and a pretty single daughter. They all will be staying at my BF's place. There's a few hints here and there that his mom and her friend might try to match both of them together. I was not allowed to come by while they were there. The only time I get to meet the whole group is for a dinner for an hour on the last day before they left. I try to be rational about this. But I can't. So I shared this with my mom (who is roughly the same age as my FMIL), so I could understand what she's thinking. My mother doesn't give me much solution other than ask me to be calm. Time pass by and I just try to think there's nothing there. Her friend and the daughter just want a free stay in BKK. Funny that I become a good friend with the daughter after the 2 hours dinner we had, she even gave me her contact numbers and ask me to call her if I ever come by.Yesterday, my FMIL creates another episode. This time, I can't just act like there's probably nothing anymore when things are so clear. She has another friend whose daughter is single and doesn't seem to settle down. So she asked if my BF could meet up with this girl while she's in town for the weekend. She sent the girl's photograph along with the brief description and background. I found this disgusting, truly. And I won't tolerate this disrespect behavior. I also disbelief that she will be doing this to me after I've been more than nice to her. I don't deserve this. And I'm not such a bad person myself. I'm sure I'm a lot better than those girls she try to set up her son with. My bf is naive enough to think the girl is helpless in the city. (She travels in group...how can she be helpless??) So he thinks she need a guide to show things around. I stop him right there and tell him he can go and nurture the girl all that he wants. I just won't be around when he comes back. I also wrote a long 866 words email to his mom. Basically, I ask her honest opinion if she thinks I'm not a good enough woman for her son. I also stated how I feel proud of myself and the things I am. So I won't stand behind being a spare part while she's out shopping for (possibly) a better woman. I told her, I would step out, and she can put her son back in the market again and see if he can be any happier than when he was with me. But I won't bear this disrespect thing I don't deserve. And I wonder what takes her so long to reply me back. 

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I never believe in any craps they say about Mother in law can be your worst enemy. I'm still single, not married, but in a committed relationship for 2 years now. I first met my future mother in law one year ago. We took a few trips together along with my BF. She treats me nice. And I've always been treating her like she's a part of my own family. Sometime my bf even mention that his mom probably likes me a lot that's why she treats me that way. And I'm on my best behavior with her, always treat her with respects. We talk about things we like. Looks like 2 women who get along well with each other.Then a few months ago, I was shock to find out that she'll be coming to visit with her friend and a pretty single daughter. They all will be staying at my BF's place. There's a few hints here and there that his mom and her friend might try to match both of them together. I was not allowed to come by while they were there. The only time I get to meet the whole group is for a dinner for an hour on the last day before they left. I try to be rational about this. But I can't. So I shared this with my mom (who is roughly the same age as my FMIL), so I could understand what she's thinking. My mother doesn't give me much solution other than ask me to be calm. Time pass by and I just try to think there's nothing there. Her friend and the daughter just want a free stay in BKK. Funny that I become a good friend with the daughter after the 2 hours dinner we had, she even gave me her contact numbers and ask me to call her if I ever come by.Yesterday, my FMIL creates another episode. This time, I can't just act like there's probably nothing anymore when things are so clear. She has another friend whose daughter is single and doesn't seem to settle down. So she asked if my BF could meet up with this girl while she's in town for the weekend. She sent the girl's photograph along with the brief description and background. I found this disgusting, truly. And I won't tolerate this disrespect behavior. I also disbelief that she will be doing this to me after I've been more than nice to her. I don't deserve this. And I'm not such a bad person myself. I'm sure I'm a lot better than those girls she try to set up her son with. My bf is naive enough to think the girl is helpless in the city. (She travels in group...how can she be helpless??) So he thinks she need a guide to show things around. I stop him right there and tell him he can go and nurture the girl all that he wants. I just won't be around when he comes back. I also wrote a long 866 words email to his mom. Basically, I ask her honest opinion if she thinks I'm not a good enough woman for her son. I also stated how I feel proud of myself and the things I am. So I won't stand behind being a spare part while she's out shopping for (possibly) a better woman. I told her, I would step out, and she can put her son back in the market again and see if he can be any happier than when he was with me. But I won't bear this disrespect thing I don't deserve. And I wonder what takes her so long to reply me back. 

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I think the most important factor is your bf. If he stands his ground that he doesn't wanna have part in this match making games, I think the FMIL will listen more. It would make things harder if your bf is a mama's boy, who won't confront his own mother about this bullshit.

The e-mail that you sent won't make a good impression on your FMIL. Whatever it is that she doesn't like about you, that e-mail might heat up her dissatisfaction even more.

If your bf still insists on doing everything his mom wants, and wasting his time being a good tour guide to other pretty girls, even though you have voiced out your disapproval. I think he is the one you should have a serious discussion with first.

All the best.

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Little bit jelaous? If u believe in yourself, in your bf and your relationship, there is nothing to worry about. Serious conversation with your bf also helps..but never act quickly before u considering whole situation :)

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i prefer MILF but anyway are you man a Thai or Jewish or something i mean he can not be from USA or something very people do this kind of things now. I think you should dump your bf on his mother since she will always come in your way if she was a Milf i could take her of her lol

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I don't think it was a good idea to email your FMIL for many reasons that I will not get into.

If your BF for 2 years now doesn't know how to act in matters like this then he is not the person for you in your life.

Head up and move on. Easier said then done but just listening your side of the story it doesn't sound good at all for you but hey, things can be much worser in life then what your going thru now.

You could be in Haiti !!!!!

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Agree with KingLing. Getting between family members is problematic at best. If it's serious enough that you might split with the BF, does he know that you take it that seriously? Remember that men are often oblivious to the emotional state of a woman, until that woman explodes in anger.

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Thanks for all of your comments and input. It really helps me see things in the wider views.

travelraven : I'm not jealous at all. I'm pretty confident about myself and I know it'll be hard for him to find some other woman who could get along with him and understand him. I just feel hurt that his mother treat me this way and insensitive to my feelings whereas she always been nice to me as much as I've been nice to her. So, I'm a little dazed and shock why this happen.

My BF stands up for me against his mother. He told her that he doesn't feel right meeting new single ladies when he's still in a relationship with me. I'm glad he did that after I told him how I feel about this. I've been told by my best friend that men aren't mind readers. They can't foresee what's coming and don't know what women wants. So I have to push the button if I want things done. I guess that's right, guys? ;)

BreakofDawning, King Ling : I got to admit that I also think the way you both do - that's sending her any message might be stupid idea. That's why I re-read it many times and make sure every single words reflect what I am. I'm pretty sure that email will make her see me as a so much different girl than many out there. That's why I sent it out. It also doesn't show anything negatives or rude. It's a plain simple saying that "I understand there might be a lot of other women in this world. And my time is more valuable to wait around till he could seek out every corners and see if I'm better than everyone else." I never say who's right or who's wrong. And I also understand every mother wants the best for their child. I just hope she comes to senses whether what she does is the right thing or not.

And I've remain calm through all these things that happen. I only share this to a few close ones and here in TF. I found comments here direct and honest. And it helps me think of the things I couldn't thought of by myself. Thanks you guys. :)

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You should've talked it through with your bf about this problem rather than sending his mom an email, because you're the one whose having a relationship with him not to his mom. Basically, you're not married to his son yet, so I think his mom can still do anything she wants to his son. Now, it is up to your bf whether he lets his mom control him and tried to match making to another girl or stick being with you and respect your feelings by telling his mom that this is your relationship and stop interfering.

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I'll chime in on the not sending the email to the mother in law. I guess, try to turn it around and think if your boyfriend told your parents off about something he didn't like.

Even the most skilled native English speaker who had a particular gift of diplomacy would have a difficult time writing a letter that wouldn't make the situation worse.

Just as a for instance, I think it would have been better to say that you know that she doesn't intend to hurt you but you but it makes you feel like her son isn't serious about you which hurts your feelings.

Never assign motive or malicious intent to another person. Simply describe the action and how it makes you feel. Trying to guess her motive then puts her on the defensive rather than looking for a way to deescalate the situation.

Lastly, if her motives are what you think they are there's a more than good chance that she's discussed this with her son. She's probably already expressed her disapproval of you to him (if that was indeed her motive). Your email will only further cement in her mind the negative perception she has of you and she will only work harder to break the two of you up.

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