Guilt
Entry posted by soda ·
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Ms. Yoyo is my new friend she has a cute, Japanese face I called her a rich girl because she has a good job with huge income. But she is not really my new friend. Actually, we have known each other for 2-3 years ago via Mr. Grizzly introduction because both of us used to date him.
One day, not long ago we were talking about Mr. Grizzly over the time we were dating him. I told Ms. Yoyo that I made big mistake to break up with him in the past and how we’re ended.
Ms. Yoyo: is it because of you treating him bad and that’s why he treats us badly?
Me: I don’t know but I feel sorry for what I’ve done. I was immature.
That night I can’t sleep, can’t stop thinking over the past. We’ve been dating for 3 months and we were not get along well, and often conflicted over little thing. One day he talked to me “we’ve dated for 3 months and do you want to be like this? Or be a gf/bf, if we are gf/bf we can’t date anyone” I replied “being like this is good for both of us already we don’t need to hurry”. I didn’t want to make commitment but planed to end up, but don’t want to lose our friendship. One day I came to meet him and told him “No matter what happen we’re going to be good friend, ok?”
When his mother was here in BKK I tell her that “if your son got half of his farther it would be very good” she said oh no, no, Mr. G got his farther in everyway. Hearing that I run to the kitchen and put my head into the cupboard keep asking myself that “who am I? How dare I said so!!?”
I learnt a great deal that I shouldn’t criticize anyone in negative way to his mother. That was something I never forget. And if I have a daughter I would tell her the same.
On Holloween party we went to an event and there was a guy came on me. I tried to flirt with him and he was fall to my game. He kept followed me almost every where. When we sat outside with our gangs. Mr. G. excuses himself to toilet and this guy appeared asking if Mr. G is my bf. I told him he was gay so he took Mr. G seat. When Mr. G get back he saw me & that guy flirting. I don’t know what he thought, he took our gangs into a taxi left me sitting with that guy. I was excuse myself and run after them back home. I said sorry to Mr. G, he said never mind but I know deep inside of him was hurt. it make both of us aukward....
After that Mr. G started dated new girls, some last 3 months long, some last 6 months, some a year. My cousin was accusing me of being apart of he’s a bad boy, but I denied to all accusation. While the time he keep dating girls I was stay single most of time with night mare and freaks out that I cannot be a good partner or live with anyone in long term. He always invited me to join party at his condo and I saw different face in some occasion, which means relationship with the last one is over.
In year 2009 it was Cherry & lovely lovely birthday event at Det 5. I & Mr. G went together he was drunk and chatting with girls, while I have a little chat with Neo over Mr. Kiwi. I still remember Neo said “so you gave your heart to him” I said yes and tell him how I feel, and in a sudden Mr. G came out of nowhere grab my arm and drag me away with his force, I was spinning around. That night I tried to stay composed. later, we were on a taxi back home, he confessed of what has he done in the past it was mistaken he didn’t mean to hurt anyone, and i noticed that he was in confusion of life. this is my first time to witness the vulnerable moment of human who's not my relatives or family. And I’m shocked when he said he still hurt of what I’ve done on Halloween. I totally understand him and no matter how many sorry I said it’s not going to make it better, but it’s seemed nothing else I can say at the moment.
End of 2009 he got himself a new gf who is perfect to him. Personally, I really like her because we’ve got something in common. At first she might afraid of me because I’m his ex but after she knew me not long we are good friends. Mr. G changed a lot after has this gf. I am so happy for them. And I am still being friend of his exs….. I talked to my cousin again “do you remember, once you told me that because of me he’s be a bad boy?” Cousin said “yes, it’s apart of you but also apart of him that not strong enough too”. Now he learnt & grow and so do I.
we are still good friends and as if we were born in the same family. Our relationship didn’t work but our friendship is still go on. We learnt a great deal of life, learnt not to hurt people with or without intention, leant to be more mature and grown up, learnt to understand people and our self and how to be happy for the rest of our life.
This incident was 5 years ago. I wish, I should have done something more civilize but I was too immature. I am just a human.
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