07.12.10 evening I went back to my hometown to change my name after my husband. I arrived almost midday of 08.12.10. My parents already there waiting and wait for the register office resume work after lunch break. While we were waiting my mom told me about how she concern about me & my husband because he is big guy and I too small so she has chatted with my dad.

Mom: don’t you think our daughter is too small while our son in law is too big, how she can handle?

Dad:  Our neighbor, his daughter even small then ours and his farang son in law even bigger than ours, you see his daughter still survive. So don’t worry our daughter is not going to die!!

Upon hearing my mom telling me I don’t know what to say…hehe… 

Anyway, I’d like to talk about Sinsod (sorry that I always talking about myself hehe) that I heard from some Thais & foreigners arguing over this matter from time to time. Some said the parents sell their daughter by asking a high price as Sinsod. Actually, I think this judgment is not quite right according to Thai traditional & cultural believing. In the old day before wedding there would be two parties (from a groom & a bride sides) to negotiate how much sinsod they require and how much they can afford until this process is done and that mean two parties satisfied and agreed with the amount of sin sod then the wedding date will be set. (This is what ppl in my village do)

In my generation (when I was 20) I heard a lot about a bride’s parents help a groom family paid for Sinsod half (because a groom is poor and a bride family want to save their face) then people remark would be hear roundabout but now I think it’s accepted and normal. And another accepting as in general is a couple (bf &gf) save up money together for a girl sin sod. And nowadays, there are some voluntarily gave their daughter to a groom without Sinsod and this is just in a minority but I think it will slightly change to be majority in the next generation or two. This is evolution which means when people gain more education and it means more freedom; we have close to mass media and facility and new technology facilitate us everyday now. Soon the sinsod thing might go or will only minority accept as a part of culture.

Early of this year I was searching to find out NZ Visa info and my friend told me to google for it and I did. I found a website accidentally which mostly member are Thai females who’s married or having relationship with foreigners from over the glob, which I think its great and safe for Thai girls because if you are not sure about the guy you chatting with whether he is scammer or real you can seek advice by post journal or forum in the site. More over this site is give most info about visas by practical experienced. You’ll find all kind of dramas, it is popular amongst Thai girls and the site is 99% Thai language, even foreigner who’s really good in Thai must be at a loss. (I guess..)

Of course, I’m a member of this site since last May because it is useful for who’s planning to visit or stay with partner oversea, thing should do and don’t, How to spot a scammer..etc…etc... Some girl even post if any girls has ever date this guy before and if so….etc…there are so many girls ending up dating same guy but thankfully this site is built for helping women. Personally, I like to gather Visa info but to know things that I beyond expectation it’s happen in this planet it is always knowledgeable.

I saw two forum on the site, the first was a girl seeking advice of how to do when her bf doesn’t agreed to pay sinsod (this is long ago) and some comment seem satisfied with their husband’s sinsod without argue, some said she will save up her salary for Sinsod, but some said girl’s parent sell their daughter for high price Sinsod. In fact, (in my opinion) a groom/husband to be can say you can’t afford this amount and remember you can bargain anything in Thailand because it is normal thing to do. And the most important thing is your wife to be can help you talk & explain…bla………. if she really loves you she would find out solution to be with you eventually.

Money is power no matter how rich you are you still desire for it….because it’s a power, and fame. So don’t blame Isaan people that the way they want money by referring sick water buffalos or what ever excuse…. one smart enough to know what it is it is and Isaan ppl do not that bad. Good & bad people are everywhere in this planet, and instead of blame someone faults, why don’t we check out ourself first. Sorry I’m not an expert but all above mentioned is my personal opinion and I know we have different opinions over a same matter. Choose one which you think it suited you best so that thing will happy ending.

Oh no……I was about to write my own sin sod but it is already too long story…so sorry…..

is sinsod not only when you marry a virgin??

If sinsot follows the tradition of how it was used by the family, then it is not bad, and is not selling the daughter. Sinsot was used to help the new couple usually buy their house after one year, or to help the girl get back on her feet if devorce happened. Also sinsot is sometimes used to keep the daughter in the right social class. I have always found the concept, and determining factors used in sinsot negotiations very interesting.

If sinsot is used following tradition it is not bad, but there are so many stories of the sinsot money, and gold, just being pocketed by the mother, and that is the last anyone sees of the money, or gold. This is selling the daughter, and not following the tradition of how sinsot was intended to be used.

I have seen many examples of good sinsot, and bad sinsot uses. I have one friend that refused to pay sinsot, and he, and his wife eloped, getting married without anyone knowing about it until after they were married. Her mother refused to talk to her daughter for one year, because they lost so much face in their community, and the father, after 3 years still will not talk to her husband. He was retired from being commander of the local police district, and he lost face real bad. I think he will never forgive her husband. It was never a factor that he did not have to money, it was all his belief that he would never buy his wife.

I have another friend that was poor, and when they got married, all of her relatives let her use their gold to show as sinsot, and they took out a loan to have money to show as sinsot cash (the loan did not cost them very much to just borrow the cash for 2 days). They kept face by having what looked like the right amount of cash, and gold for her sinsot, and everyone was happy at the wedding. The food actually cost more than the sinsot....hehehe.

Another girl I met, that worked for me on the J-1 work study program, got married her senior year of college, and her sinsot was bt10million cash, and 40 baht of gold. This was agreed upon after 2 weeks of negotiation by his uncle on his behalf. She was from a very conservative family that were very high up socially in their community. The sinsot was high enough that she would have to marry someone that was at her same, if not higher, level of social status. All this just for "face", and social standing in the community. There would have never been any talk of loans, or borrowing, to meet the sinsot requirement if she had found a poor boy to marry. They also followed tradition, and her mother used the cash to help them buy their first house, and the gold, after 2 years, is in their safe deposit box at the bank.

I am very interested in how your sinsot negotiations went Soda, and who represented your husband? I can not wait for the rest of this very interesting story Soda.

It is always a pleasure reading your journals. Thank you.

Geee 10 December 2010 2:48PM

is sinsod not only when you marry a virgin??

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don't touch your girlfriend then if you have one

@sugarhuks>don't touch your girlfriend then if you have one

On the contrary.

If it is the case that marrying a virgin costs a high sinsod price, then

He should deflower her now, and save a lot of money on sinsod if they ever marry.

if there is enough love for couple to get marry ,the amount of sinsot wouldn't be matter if agree by both parties. If a man has present his true love and financial secure to his future wife 's parents ...they wouldn't care much for Sinsot price and the middle one should be helping her man to meet her parents understanding the cross culture too.

Elope is too painful for parents ...

Are u going to move to NZ and stay there ?. i think size of man and girl is no problem in daylife but can be a problem if a small Thaigirl get pregnant with a big farang ;-)