I got an email from Mr. R… his email say…wow….to my age…hehe…I just…I just….. I don’t know what I feel…, really….. I replied by saying thanks and said I’d like to distribute those books that he gave me to ppl who wanted to read for fun and learn English. I think I have 60-70 books and I have about 10 books to go, the rest I will give away. a couple months ago, he come to visit his gf because she told him that her dad was going to die and wished to see him. He then booked a flight to Bkk and one week before he flied, he kept calling and emailing her but no reply, until he arrived Bkk, he kept calling and emailing and same, no news. His first week arrived duration I have to be with him and take him out and keep telling him to call and email his gf. First week passed, he told me he received her email said “she is really sick and left her mobile with her son so don’t callâ€. I sensed something wrong, why she left her phone with her son and since she who told him to come but disappeared…..

I tried to make him happy by say “I understand your gf, if I were in her shoes I would probably do the same, I mean I’m a single mom with two kids, I would do whatever it take to give my kids a better chance and opportunity†after finished talking I saw his face turn pale and his green eyes turn grey, which make me more guilty. Then I offer him to buy him lunch and movie to make him better, even I know that it didn’t help much but I can’t see him just like this. In mid second week he went Pattaya because his gf told him she would show up on Thursday that week but she didn’t. So, he spent his two & third week at Pattaya and called me that he would be in Bkk on his forth week before going back home, usa.

On his last four days in Thailand his gf was shown up and stay with him and she told him that he couldn’t meet her dad because he didn’t marry her (why she told him to come then?). His last day with me, I took him out to buy some souvenir for his friend. While we were shopping his gf was calling, asked him to buy her a golden locket, cost USD100. When I asked him why don’t buy her, he said I already gave her USD 700. At dinner I told him that “your gf is going to suck usd 100 out from you but before that she’d suck your poison out of your body senselesslyâ€. 6-7 years ago he used to tell me that “most ppl want to be a taker but fore me I like to be a giver†I snapped him “C’mon, don’t try to be Mr. Nice guy I know we human selfish and greedyâ€. He then said “no, no I love to give because it made me happierâ€.

Since this is our last meet and I don’t know if we could meet again in future, I told him how much I appreciated and grateful of what he being such a nice friend. And I asked him remember once you told me that “you loved to be a giver because it made you happy†he nodded, and I continue “I know now how it feel likeâ€. What shocked me most was when he said “I still love you and we are still being good friend†I looked in his eyes instantly, I realized that we used to date and I thought, how I could never know this.

That night after we separated and say goodbye I was lay in bed, toss and turn, digging up my old memories. It was 13 years ago we’ve date and once I learnt we have different ideas and probably age gap too, I stop relationship status. And later on, when he takes a trip to Thailand I still accompanied him here and there, wherever he wanted to go. I still remember once a girl asked him if I’m his gf and he told them that “she dumped me†I was so mad at him because it made me look bad. But I’ve no regret and I think I did the right thing when I see that I would ruin ppl life if this continues….. and that I never have a bf like others, until I met my husband. I’ve been thinking that I must’ve given him in some ways or others, otherwise our friendship would not be this last long; yes, I made him laugh, entertained and accompanied him…

At this moment there are three things that I learnt and adapted it into my life:

1) Being a giver it’s prolonging your happiness and creates calmness and strength inside you, especially when you give without expectation but a taker is just short satisfaction that I got and would yearning for more and later on…..and it is never enough in your life.

2) Inner strength, this is the most powerful thing that once you attained this, nobody could hurt you. No matter what how bad ppl say to you it would just like a wind blowing through you. You don’t have to do thing just to please majority coz some may say good but some opposite. The most important thing is do it just to please yourself first….

3) Self-sufficiency, I always telling myself that I don’t need a large sum of money but I have enough money to make me happy. I don’t need a luxury life since this is enough for me already. And no matter expensive dresses I have it doesn’t make me look good in my eyes, since I have enough in already……. คนมักน้อยน่ะ

I’m a broken childhood who’s selfish and greedy and tried hard to get attention from my parent but I would be the last person in my family who would be admired and praise, but in duration of getting to my adulthood, there were/are many ppl who molded and shaped me who I am today, it is not by their intention to shape and mold me. a couple days ago Ms. Perfect called telling me that she is going to get marry on coming 11-11-11 I congratulated her and happy for her, she shares what she prepared and how wedding is going to be and so on. I asked if she like to read some novel, and she said she’ll come to look sometime…..I still have loads of them, if anyone want some, let me know…… Apart of novel books, I also have philosophies and psychologies by Andrew Carnegie, Vincent Pearl Norman and etc…..

I wanted to share some good, bad, ideas and personal opinions, and these traits are telling…. who I am…..where I'm from…..

I always like to read your journals soda. :-)

I would have guessed you were late 20's early 30's to be honest.

I hate posting after Funky cuz he likes to warm my avatar's head with his bum.

Just for you Rob...I shall change it. But not quite yet.

these should really be collected in a book! : )

Just for you Rob...I shall change it. But not quite yet.

Honestly, I think it's hilarious, and hope you don't change it anytime soon...up to you!

Love your journals..Beautiful mak ka.