The other week before Ked and I took off to Florida for a little holiday, Ked got a message that a former bar owner in Queen's Park Plaza had jumped from one of the buildings on Soi 22 and killed himself. I asked Ked, "Was it Dono?" She asked who it was and her friend confirmed that indeed, the name of the guy was Dono.

Why did I guess Dono given no other identifying information than he had owned a bar on in Queen's Park Plaza? I don't even know myself other than the fact that ever since Dono had sold his bar a few years ago, he seemed a little off. Nothing you could point to that was obvious but there was just a vibe about him that his jokes and infectious smile were masking something. His happiness seemed a bit forced as if he was trying to appear happy on the outside.

I emailed Rob and told him what I had heard. I know he knew Dono from the Flaming Mo's bar as Dono was always a great host in the Plaza and he seemed to be one of those guys that everyone liked. Even after he sold his bar, he was a semi-regular in the Plaza and I never heard an ill word about him.

Rob had somewhat the same reaction that I did. He had gotten the same vibe from Dono since he had sold the bar. And as I spoke to a few other people, I kept hearing the same thing, "I knew something was off."

Nang commented on English_Bob's Facebook page that several people had seen him jump. She said he never screamed or cried out.

She also said that earlier in the day he had gone down to Soi 22 and ordered some food. The bill came to 25 baht and he only had 17 baht on him. The lady told him it was okay and gave him the food anyway. A few hours later he took his own life.

It's really hard to express what a genuinely nice guy Dono was. He always had a smile and a joke for you when you saw him. You couldn't be around him and not have a good time. He was just one of those types of people.

The thing that hit me though was that everyone I've spoken with knew he seemed somewhat off. Something seemed not quite right. And everyone I've spoken to has said that had they known he was that bad off they would have offered to help him. But he never asked. He never burdened anyone with his troubles.

We wish he had.

If you have any friends or people you know that seem a bit off their usual, reach out to them. They might not want to accept your help but you have to try.

You already know how shocked and saddened I was to hear this news.

I hadn't seen him for a couple of years, so I didn't know something was 'off'.

I didn't even know he and Sar had broken up... I really liked her too. I thought they were a great couple. However, I heard she might have had something to do with his mental state.

A couple of years ago, Roland from Big Mango also killed himself. He had more than a few problems, being confined to a wheelchair must have taken its toll.

After hearing about Donni this week, I called up my best buddy and we had a talk about this. We made a pact that no matter what happens in the future, neither of us will be too proud to ask for or accept help.

Although I was telling him not to be too proud, I was really talking to myself... Between the two of us, I'm quite sure I'm less well-equipped to deal with failure than he.

I used to think, 'If all the good times ended today, I'd shrug my shoulders and start again.' Now I'm not so sure. If everything turned to **** in my life and I couldn't see a way out, I could definitely envisage me taking the so-called easy way out.

I suppose that's why it's good to have family and friends around. Someone to notice when things are 'off'. Someone to step in and make you shape up and face your problems.

RIP Donno... I wish I'd known. I wish I'd helped.

[TABLE=width: 100%]

[TD]I know life is not easy but everything will be ok at the end.

R.I.P. Dono

[/TD]

[/TR]

Such a tragic tale but I do hope that as a result, people look at what their exit or emergency strategies are at times of crisis. Over the years have worked with a lot of people who have experienced trauma/crisi or are in the grips of addiction etc. One thing I have always tried to get over to clients is to have an immediate network of at least 3 people; friends or family, who will take time to listen to you on the phone or meet you for coffee or beer. Someone who sometimes only needs to listen as unburdening your problems does reduce stress. It may not solve the problems but it does mean someone else knows that you are under pressure and will check up on you and keep in touch.

It's especially sad that so many thought something was off with Dono but, because he never said anything, they never got to offer the help they undoubtedly would. I don't think anyone should feel any sense of guilt - you were not to know the full extent of his troubles.

Definitely a lesson for us all, but especially those living thousands of miles from home.

Star and EB, I agree 100%.

I would throw in that, especially those of you living in Thailand, that you have a reserve account somewhere that is very difficult to get at. At least if you have enough money to get back home, there are programs and such that you can use to get back on your feet if you find yourself broke.

Definitely. I am compartmentalising some funds before coming to Thailand. There's an account for funds for my daughter and money also going in some ISA's. Need 6 weeks notice for those but get decent returns. Another good idea is to have an international credit card as your emergency - never use it day to day, but it's there in an emergency or for a flight home.

A perhaps more off the wall idea is if some of the Western embassies cooperated and offered some sort of counselling/help service for ex pats. A joint approach would reduce costs but it could have a lot of benefits.

That's a good idea but I wonder how many people who need it would use it. I think a lot of people just fall in love with the lifestyle in Thailand and can't picture going back home. There was a TF'er (who's name I won't mention) that allegedly was plotting his own suicide after ripping off multiple people just so he could stay in Thailand. Fortunately, I guess, he was sent home by Thai immigration for overstaying his visa so he never got to follow through on his plans.

This was a fairly trustworthy guy with tons of friends. But he couldn't give up the lifestyle when times turned tough for him financially. He was hanging on so hard that he was ready to end his own life rather than man up and go home and regroup.

Unsure of the numbers who would use it. Main reason I suggested some sort of joint approach. Across a number of nationalities there may be enough demand. Of course, language may present some barriers but most expats speak good English.

Dono was a great guy...and I'm not just saying that because he's dead now. He was a humble fella who genuinely appreciated a good handshake with a smile.

Even his close friends saw something like this coming and felt helpless. They offered him money and support, but he refused it until the end. Looking back, it would have taken a few people to stop by his place every day for the past two years to even attempt to avoid this. Even then, I can see Dono not wanting to burden anyone with the truth.

Cheers to one of the good ones. RIP.

One of the reasons I liked Dono so much was that he never allowed his a**hole mates to corrupt him.

He used to drink in a bar I worked in with a bunch of guys who were pretty low. One in particular was a boiler-room scumbag. He was/is a loud mouthed ****. He and I came to blows a few years ago when he opened his mouth once too often.

But Dono never changed, even when drinking with the scumbag, he never let him say a bad word about me or be too much of an a**hole while in the bar.

Well, coincidentally I ran into the guy today. He walked into a restaurant while I was having lunch. Enough time has passed that I don't feel the need to crack him in the jaw every time I see him.

I asked him if he'd heard about Dono. The funeral was tonight at 6pm. I told him how shocked I was. Less than a week after it happened and this guy said, "Yeah, well **** happens."

I never understood why Dono used to hang out with this guy... Now more than ever, I think he deserved a better class of friend.

Is it that short loud Brit? Wanna say his name starts with a "B," though I might be thinking of Bitchassloudmouthcunt.

Brooks! If it's him, I'm not a fan either.

Brooks... But he's Canadian.

Brooks... But he's Canadian.

2 strange things:

His accent didn't sound very Canadian.

I usually get along with Canadians.

Something must be wrong in the Matrix.

Agree...

I once said, I'd never met a Canadian a**hole. Then I met this guy and realised all the assholeness of Canadia was contained within this one guy...

But the accent? Definitely not UK. I always thought American. But everyone says he is Canadian.

i find it hard to understand how someone can get to such a low ebb that they feel suicide is the only option left !!

i mean i love my life here in Thailand, but if it got to the stage i didn't have the means to support myself here i'd have to bugger off back home and work there.

not an ideal situation, but preferable to topping urself ... IMO !!!

I don't think it was just about the money. He was also having some problems with his gf which contributed.

Also, I think that for people who are serious about suicide, it's a matter of having their view narrowed. They see fewer and fewer options and become blinded to everything else.

The question is: Where is home? Heaven could be.

Where your refrigerator, bed and TV are located originally is 'home'?

Personally I'm not sure where is 'home'. Perhaps home is, where i feel myself happy and confident. The paradise may be my future home.

Home is where the heart lies, but if the heart lies, where is home?

I don't think it was just about the money. He was also having some problems with his gf which contributed.

Also' date=' I think that for people who are serious about suicide, it's a matter of having their view narrowed. They see fewer and fewer options and become blinded to everything else.[/quote']

i understand that it wasn't just about the money ... but i just don't understand how ppl can get to such a low point that they feel suicide is the only option left.

as i've said i love my life here in thailand .... and it's probably as good now as it's ever been, but IF everything went **** up i still don't think i'd ever contemplate suicide .... we've only got 1 life and i intend to make the most of and enjoy mine !!!

i understand that it wasn't just about the money ... but i just don't understand how ppl can get to such a low point that they feel suicide is the only option left.

as i've said i love my life here in thailand .... and it's probably as good now as it's ever been' date=' but IF everything went tits up i still don't think i'd ever contemplate suicide .... we've only got 1 life and i intend to make the most of and enjoy mine !!![/quote']

So, I'll mark you down on my list of people I don't have to worry about. :-)

I knew dono through bangkok pool league. This story does have a sad ending..