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Life in a foriegn land # 2 (1 of 2)

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soda

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Hello Good afternoon everyone,

I thought I posted a blog before I fly to Thailand during X'mas but I thought I was too rush so one I posted I instant log off and that's why it disapeared coz journal is too long. Anyway, I split this journal into two so that I can post all...

Yesterday I made a call to my parent asking how they are... Dad said mom wants to talk, he handed a phone to mom. She tells me how much she missed me the other day. We talked about this and that in general.... She told me about a girl in our village who used to married to a European guy is now bought a rubber tree farm for her parent, cost over million baht. I told her that I'm unable to do that and it is not my expertise to trick ppl for money. mom said "I don't want you to do that it's no good it is sin. Just keep doing you work and save...". I sort of glad to hear she said so since some ppl say she got an kii nok son in law and I thought she's sort of depress from such remark but she handles thing well. My family likes my husband coz he looks like a nice guy and he is... When we visit my family my husband is grounded and can eat anything those villagers eat even Lab Koi (spicy raw beef, which he call Isaan sushi lol) this amazed my family. Further more he sort of calm and quiet and this charactoristic in men is charming... oh some ppl who see my husband or even kids said my husband is the most handsome farang in this village. I assumed that my husband is probably the most youngest farangs who married girls in our village.

My husband & I are new to marry life and since we are from different culture and countries it is challenging. I'm a very disciplinary person in term of financial and love planning and predicting its result but my husband on the other hand..... So this is making us try to find out where is our balance point. Before I could be devastated if things don't meet my plan & prediction and it caused me mentally insecure. When I first here I have no work and I didn't know my husband used his credit card during my first arrive. When I found out that we indebted I told him I would help him pay off within 6 months after I work (we join bank) coz I don't how much I was going to earn but once I started work I managed pay off our debt within 6 weeks which I'm really proud of myself... I get minimum pay rate but with 50-60 +hrs working per week I only lag behind my husband couple hundred $ earn and If made permanent staff I could earn advance him coz apart from several hrs work, I will get a high rate paid as i'm told and other benefit. It doesn't matter who make the most income as I value feeling as the main factor. So when my husband wants to buy something I let him coz once he got everything he would probably stop buying.... Recently he wants to buy guitar which I have two already but he said he wants a semi electric one, so I said as long as you limit your drink and cigarett then I won't make any commend and he does. I'm satisfied that he doesn't drink and smoke much like before now. We have lot of music instruments which are Drum, electrical keyboard, sterio set, 46" smart tv etc.etc. and will be more.... As long as we don't create debt i'm fine. Some part of instrument can be useful eg my husband uses drum stick to massage my feet when I'm tired, sometime he massage my back hehehe. Apart from work hard I schedule on what day I do washing and cleaning I prefer to do it by myself coz if you wanted thing perfectly done you should do it by yourself which is always true. I have been living with him since Dec 2011 and twice i thought of raning away from him but once I think of when I lived with my family I fought with my siblings three times a day and still we lived together so why don't I'm open more and find solution to live with him, after all he is my love, my partner and one of the best things in my life. So I let loose my strictly discipline now. Thinking of when i was alone in Thailand I made some saving and it always meet my goal but now i'm sharing life with someone so I have to understand the word SHARE more and more. I told him one moring that "I can't believe that you & I are husband & wife since it was just yesterday that i'm single. He then tell me "it means to be..."

I remember on my previous journal that i talked about Ronan, who offered me to take care of me. Last Thursday or Friday, one of my work mates told me that he is going to marry an indian girl which i'm happy for him. I don't want to talk about this much but to make it clear there is nothing between us. It was part of my mistake too to make matter worse while I was insecure I seek for asylum. One day at my break I talked to him "If I got fired or nowhere to go, will you take care of me?" he then said "of course I will look after you" since then things turn out of event he was kind of wanted to know when would I ran away or divorce even I told him if my marriage failed I would consider or prefer to stay with someone as partner which mean I don't want to marry anyone until i'm sure and he seemed to agree with that but one week later he came to me said he doesn't want to wait anymore since he's ready to settle and wants a wife. I feel like I shared two guys at the same time, one at work place and one at home that moment.It is not fair for both of them why I have to create hate between two guys who would never ever see each other. And since everyone deserves the best I don't want to keep anyone as my second best just becoz my temporary insecurity. During X'mas he keep asking me what I wanted for X'mas gift which I kept answer him I don't want anything and at the same time he kept asking me if I have cancelled my flight to Thailand. And several times I told him that our flight are confirmed and it'd been paid. I sensed that he was in a rush and wanted to know its result but I told him before that I don't want to think of anything and i can't promise him that I will leave my husband but somehow I feel like i gave him fault hope. Before things gone worse I decided to tell him that my husband is getting better.... which he then took a trip to some Island country to meet his gf... I don't want to share his personal part coz it his privacy so I better skip. I think of when he told me to hop in his car when he offers to give me a ride home and i'm refused, I did the right thing, otherwise how messy my life would be now (thank god). I like him coz he like me but he is in need and rush and it scare me to death. What I keep telling myself now is don't make any quick judge or decision when insecure, otherwise I would get another lesson to learn... It is such a huge relief when I heard he is going to marry, otherwise guilt would stay with me for a long time.

I have a good work mate which I appreciated our friendship and adore her. We sometimes share lunch and when she knows I like her food she gives to me big pieces of her food, somehow she reminds me of my husband coz once he knows that I love that food he would stop having it or have it little for himself. I have so manythings to learn from her coz I'm new in this country and its cuture and environment especially at work place. Since she's been living here over 9 yrs she must have broad knowledge. Somehow I heard some ppl at work said she is rude but to me it the way asian is hahaha I sort of feeling that both of us are dumb & dumber in some ppl eyes here at our work place but they respect who you are so we don't feel depress at all since some ppl enjoy our silly behavior and dumbness. Some ppl like to have or make a laugh with us and it is not bad to have a laugh with ppl. Underneath imperfection I think she is the most beautiful person and one of the best things in my life. She is a same sort of me in some aspets, a giver but somehow when i'm with her I become a taker. We share common ideas and life in general and more over we value same thing and she's quite advance me in some aspects which teach me alot. I also have a new friend who's from Cambodia. Her first day at work she reminds me how I like when i'm new here coz she doesn't know how to react to ppl due to shy and doesn't know how to start conversation until I came to her and she followed me to sit and chat. Since then we sit together everyday. I like the way she's honest and direct talk which is same to me so I don't have to hide .... I consider myself lucky that I can find and have good friends every where I go...

Talking about my weak point, I can't hide my insecurity, so when I fight with my husband my look still showing and when I be asked by some of workmates i can't lie ppl. And this lead to gossip.... everyone knows gossip is spread like fire. Start from one place and to anothers. Gossip is negative and when it is too much negative could turn to opposite way.

To be continue....

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Hello Good afternoon everyone,

I thought I posted a blog before I fly to Thailand during X'mas but I thought I was too rush so one I posted I instant log off and that's why it disapeared coz journal is too long. Anyway, I split this journal into two so that I can post all...

Yesterday I made a call to my parent asking how they are... Dad said mom wants to talk, he handed a phone to mom. She tells me how much she missed me the other day. We talked about this and that in general.... She told me about a girl in our village who used to married to a European guy is now bought a rubber tree farm for her parent, cost over million baht. I told her that I'm unable to do that and it is not my expertise to trick ppl for money. mom said "I don't want you to do that it's no good it is sin. Just keep doing you work and save...". I sort of glad to hear she said so since some ppl say she got an kii nok son in law and I thought she's sort of depress from such remark but she handles thing well. My family likes my husband coz he looks like a nice guy and he is... When we visit my family my husband is grounded and can eat anything those villagers eat even Lab Koi (spicy raw beef, which he call Isaan sushi lol) this amazed my family. Further more he sort of calm and quiet and this charactoristic in men is charming... oh some ppl who see my husband or even kids said my husband is the most handsome farang in this village. I assumed that my husband is probably the most youngest farangs who married girls in our village.

My husband & I are new to marry life and since we are from different culture and countries it is challenging. I'm a very disciplinary person in term of financial and love planning and predicting its result but my husband on the other hand..... So this is making us try to find out where is our balance point. Before I could be devastated if things don't meet my plan & prediction and it caused me mentally insecure. When I first here I have no work and I didn't know my husband used his credit card during my first arrive. When I found out that we indebted I told him I would help him pay off within 6 months after I work (we join bank) coz I don't how much I was going to earn but once I started work I managed pay off our debt within 6 weeks which I'm really proud of myself... I get minimum pay rate but with 50-60 +hrs working per week I only lag behind my husband couple hundred $ earn and If made permanent staff I could earn advance him coz apart from several hrs work, I will get a high rate paid as i'm told and other benefit. It doesn't matter who make the most income as I value feeling as the main factor. So when my husband wants to buy something I let him coz once he got everything he would probably stop buying.... Recently he wants to buy guitar which I have two already but he said he wants a semi electric one, so I said as long as you limit your drink and cigarett then I won't make any commend and he does. I'm satisfied that he doesn't drink and smoke much like before now. We have lot of music instruments which are Drum, electrical keyboard, sterio set, 46" smart tv etc.etc. and will be more.... As long as we don't create debt i'm fine. Some part of instrument can be useful eg my husband uses drum stick to massage my feet when I'm tired, sometime he massage my back hehehe. Apart from work hard I schedule on what day I do washing and cleaning I prefer to do it by myself coz if you wanted thing perfectly done you should do it by yourself which is always true. I have been living with him since Dec 2011 and twice i thought of raning away from him but once I think of when I lived with my family I fought with my siblings three times a day and still we lived together so why don't I'm open more and find solution to live with him, after all he is my love, my partner and one of the best things in my life. So I let loose my strictly discipline now. Thinking of when i was alone in Thailand I made some saving and it always meet my goal but now i'm sharing life with someone so I have to understand the word SHARE more and more. I told him one moring that "I can't believe that you & I are husband & wife since it was just yesterday that i'm single. He then tell me "it means to be..."

I remember on my previous journal that i talked about Ronan, who offered me to take care of me. Last Thursday or Friday, one of my work mates told me that he is going to marry an indian girl which i'm happy for him. I don't want to talk about this much but to make it clear there is nothing between us. It was part of my mistake too to make matter worse while I was insecure I seek for asylum. One day at my break I talked to him "If I got fired or nowhere to go, will you take care of me?" he then said "of course I will look after you" since then things turn out of event he was kind of wanted to know when would I ran away or divorce even I told him if my marriage failed I would consider or prefer to stay with someone as partner which mean I don't want to marry anyone until i'm sure and he seemed to agree with that but one week later he came to me said he doesn't want to wait anymore since he's ready to settle and wants a wife. I feel like I shared two guys at the same time, one at work place and one at home that moment.It is not fair for both of them why I have to create hate between two guys who would never ever see each other. And since everyone deserves the best I don't want to keep anyone as my second best just becoz my temporary insecurity. During X'mas he keep asking me what I wanted for X'mas gift which I kept answer him I don't want anything and at the same time he kept asking me if I have cancelled my flight to Thailand. And several times I told him that our flight are confirmed and it'd been paid. I sensed that he was in a rush and wanted to know its result but I told him before that I don't want to think of anything and i can't promise him that I will leave my husband but somehow I feel like i gave him fault hope. Before things gone worse I decided to tell him that my husband is getting better.... which he then took a trip to some Island country to meet his gf... I don't want to share his personal part coz it his privacy so I better skip. I think of when he told me to hop in his car when he offers to give me a ride home and i'm refused, I did the right thing, otherwise how messy my life would be now (thank god). I like him coz he like me but he is in need and rush and it scare me to death. What I keep telling myself now is don't make any quick judge or decision when insecure, otherwise I would get another lesson to learn... It is such a huge relief when I heard he is going to marry, otherwise guilt would stay with me for a long time.

I have a good work mate which I appreciated our friendship and adore her. We sometimes share lunch and when she knows I like her food she gives to me big pieces of her food, somehow she reminds me of my husband coz once he knows that I love that food he would stop having it or have it little for himself. I have so manythings to learn from her coz I'm new in this country and its cuture and environment especially at work place. Since she's been living here over 9 yrs she must have broad knowledge. Somehow I heard some ppl at work said she is rude but to me it the way asian is hahaha I sort of feeling that both of us are dumb & dumber in some ppl eyes here at our work place but they respect who you are so we don't feel depress at all since some ppl enjoy our silly behavior and dumbness. Some ppl like to have or make a laugh with us and it is not bad to have a laugh with ppl. Underneath imperfection I think she is the most beautiful person and one of the best things in my life. She is a same sort of me in some aspets, a giver but somehow when i'm with her I become a taker. We share common ideas and life in general and more over we value same thing and she's quite advance me in some aspects which teach me alot. I also have a new friend who's from Cambodia. Her first day at work she reminds me how I like when i'm new here coz she doesn't know how to react to ppl due to shy and doesn't know how to start conversation until I came to her and she followed me to sit and chat. Since then we sit together everyday. I like the way she's honest and direct talk which is same to me so I don't have to hide .... I consider myself lucky that I can find and have good friends every where I go...

Talking about my weak point, I can't hide my insecurity, so when I fight with my husband my look still showing and when I be asked by some of workmates i can't lie ppl. And this lead to gossip.... everyone knows gossip is spread like fire. Start from one place and to anothers. Gossip is negative and when it is too much negative could turn to opposite way.

To be continue....

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I'm glad to hear that things are going better with your husband. I remember you guys had hit a low point, and it's good to see you working your way back up. Communication (like you're doing) is so important. It's also good that Ronan has found someone!

Don't worry too much about the gossip...let people find entertainment if they need it.

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