i've been tapping on my keyboard for a couple days, feel like writing but at the same time been reluctant about it. i expressed this feeling in one of my love letter to bobby that i sent to him previously.
i saw a couple ladies at school today, they are middle age women with stylish gray hair in black outfit. their faces looked pale. their eyes were empty...they are one of those so-called 'artist' whom their brains were loaded by unlimited knowledge. i've seen them around in several occassions especially at the receptions, premiers, art shows, art for lunch, brown bag events, and some lecture series.
they looked lonely, lack of life, always speak up for discussion with the uses of big words and deep analysis.
geezzz...i took at them in the eye and felt so scared that i will become one of them somedays. lonely enough to allow superfial relationship to take control their lives just to realize that they lost themselves and got devalued in the process of self-discovery...then come out of it as a smarter person in their believes and find out that they are strong but life is nothingness.
i've seen many people who is their lives are like that around here. self-retainging, finding activities to attend, to make themselves become somebody, soul-feeding themselves by saying something that sounds smart...just to make them feel good about themselves.
i'm not sure if this is the way a life should be constructed or not but it sounds lame to me. i guess authenticity is what i am searching for. however originality is rarely exist. not bcause we are incapable of being original but rather because we are all shapen by our surrounding. each of us is a singularity. each of us is a free radical but yet a idealic shape-shifter in terms of being a self as well.
whatever it is...be lifely-be yourself!