spacers!

i've been tapping on my keyboard for a couple days, feel like writing but at the same time been reluctant about it. i expressed this feeling in one of my love letter to bobby that i sent to him previously.

i saw a couple ladies at school today, they are middle age women with stylish gray hair in black outfit. their faces looked pale. their eyes were empty...they are one of those so-called 'artist' whom their brains were loaded by unlimited knowledge. i've seen them around in several occassions especially at the receptions, premiers, art shows, art for lunch, brown bag events, and some lecture series.

they looked lonely, lack of life, always speak up for discussion with the uses of big words and deep analysis.

geezzz...i took at them in the eye and felt so scared that i will become one of them somedays. lonely enough to allow superfial relationship to take control their lives just to realize that they lost themselves and got devalued in the process of self-discovery...then come out of it as a smarter person in their believes and find out that they are strong but life is nothingness.

i've seen many people who is their lives are like that around here. self-retainging, finding activities to attend, to make themselves become somebody, soul-feeding themselves by saying something that sounds smart...just to make them feel good about themselves.

i'm not sure if this is the way a life should be constructed or not but it sounds lame to me. i guess authenticity is what i am searching for. however originality is rarely exist. not bcause we are incapable of being original but rather because we are all shapen by our surrounding. each of us is a singularity. each of us is a free radical but yet a idealic shape-shifter in terms of being a self as well.

whatever it is...be lifely-be yourself!

people hide behind artspeak like they hide behind everything else for a variety of reasons.

originality is overrated and a romantic idea, i think the real thing is... be SPECIFIC be exactly who you are what you are where you are.

specificity has become artspeak for film geeks as i'm sure you've noticed, especially in terms of actors/performances. but words can be reclaimed... de-equivocated... as can lives..

Thats why i always end up singing "Ten green bottles hanging on the wall..." *Hic!*

err... hope you dont end up like that.... ;p

:S

as kitty usually sez... get drunk... although i hear *she* NEVER does >

as for me when she tells me that i'm usually already three sheets to the wind searching desperately for another mast to put up that fourth sheet..

cs while i believe some might benefit from that i do know waaaaay too much of the sex life of some art world luminaries and know that some **** like mad bunnies and still behave like this.....

i think it'spack animal stuff i think they havve found their tribe and are studiously establishing their place in the pecking order.

so many people like to separate humans from animals and i dont read much psychology but damn i watched a lot of nature programs as a kiid and really this stuff looks the same.

it's become to easy to invalidate others in order to justify your own existence......but hey.....if you have the 'manual to life'........pls share it with all of us.......

Some good points made here.....but I want to know about the love letter you sent to Bobby lol

i work with a lot of scientist who know how to talk to a test tube, but can not interact with other people.

umm, does this have anything to do with what we are talking about?

to reply to Charlie's comment:

i think we were borned to be manipulated and to manipulate others. that's ultimately our nature.

the easiest way to realize it is when thinking about any decision making, when one makes a decision, that is when one is driven by several reasons, desire and so on...and that is when the manipulation takes place through reasoning, desiring, debating, etc.

it is conformistic, it's a pre-conditional, it's our nature.