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breakofdawning

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About breakofdawning

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    Original TF'er
  • Birthday 04/19/1982

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  1. No, I am not a shopaholic. Really, I am not a shopaholic. Yet, I guess the XX chromosomes in me allow me to find comfort in spending money. When I first moved to this country, I came here with almost nothing. I left all my savings back home and only had a few hundred pounds and a few hundred dollars in my wallet. My husband supported me on everything that I needed in my daily life, plus some pocket money that I could spend, if I needed extra odds and ends. Problem was I had always been independent. Spending my husband's money was foreign to me and in a way quite awkward. Since I didn't know how long it'd take me to land a job in the new country, I hardly spent anything. I had been so used to spending on a daily basis back home: from paying for fare, lunch, personal necessities, to treating myself, my family or even my friends. But with no job insight, I had refrained myself from spending altogether for weeks. During that period, I felt so depressed. I couldn't figure out why I felt so down. I had my husband beside me, good food, warm bed, nice clothes, and money in my bank account, job would eventually come. Why was I so disconsolate? I went out for a walk one day, and found myself in a supermarket not far from home. I looked around the supermarket, decided to pick up a can of Coke, then went straight to cashier to pay. I didn't quite remember how much that can of soda was, maybe a pound. As soon as I was done paying, thanked the cashier, and walked off, I miraculously felt better! What I realized later, is that spending money plays quite a large part on me psychologically. While I didn't spend any money, my self-esteem and self-worth went down. But as soon as I spent that pound, it was almost like the switch had been turned on, I automatically felt good about myself again. Next time, someone tells you that they need a retail therapy. Believe me, it is quite therapeutic!
  2. It's been ages since I last post anything on TF. I must admit I miss writing and ranting, but it's so difficult to find time to just sit down and let words come to me. Time seems to fly much faster here in the West. I used to have much more time to browse the Internet and typing up thoughts and life events. Not so much anymore. It's been a bit over a year since I arrived in the land of gray sky. I had such high hope that everything would be just as great as my life back home. Yet, I only set myself up for disappointment. The first 2 months was very boring and somewhat frustrating. Having no job and no income, I felt like I lost my freedom. It wasn't that I didn't have good food to eat, warm bed to sleep in, nor couldn't afford anything at all. But being dependent on my husband financially frustrated me and made me feel worthless. I was lucky enough to be accepted in a job after 3 months of job hunting and only 2 interviews. Being hired by one of the biggest companies in the country, not having to work shifts, and not having to rely on my labor should have been enough to keep me happy. On the contrary, I found myself struggling to get out and wanting the job in my previous field. I found the opportunity at a company under the same umbrella as my previous job back home. Although the vacancy was for a lower position, I didn't hesitate to apply. I was full of hope, and big dream that this would be my way back to the industry and the job that I enjoy. I was called in for an interview and the interviewers seemed to be impressed by my knowledge of how the company operates, all the internal terms used within the company and even how to manage the internal systems. Then the job was postponed, I waited for almost 2 months more for the second interview. As great as I thought my skills in English were, I couldn't compete with the local. This was the company that I had shown really good performance, and much greater chance in getting the job, yet I already lost that chance. I was devastated. I hated my current job even more and sharing the same house as the in laws made it much harder for me. I looked for other opportunity to get back into the same industry but there seemed to be no open door for me. I didn't want to go to work, but I didn't want to be home either. I felt like I had nowhere to go. I felt so depressed that I would just cry for no reason. I could be doing the dishes and tears would well up. I stopped laughing and only smiling when appropriate, not because I felt like smiling. I dislike myself much worst than I had ever done. The only thing that kept me in this strange land is my husband. He has been amazing and I feel so lucky being his wife. So many times I ask myself what on Earth I am doing here. The only answer is to be with him. I had much more in my country of birth, family, friends, great job, great salary, good food, good weather, etc. If I had known I would have to give up so much coming here, I don't think I would ever come. :twisted: I decided to go see a doctor about my mental health. I was prescribed anti-depression medications. I didn't think the medication did me any good. What healed me was the fact that we decided to move out to be on our own. Rented accommodation, but it gave me a big peace of mind. Since I arrived, things hasn't been easy for my husband. I feel guilty having to put him into many difficult situations, especially financially. He used to live comfortably, and spoiled himself, which he couldn't do as much having me here. But he never once mentioned that he regrets having me with him. Once we moved out, I found that I am able to be myself again. I started getting better at my job, although I still don't enjoy it, it has become bearable. The most important part is that I smile and laugh again. I have to learn to cook, clean and keep the place tidy. Luckily that the accommodation we live in right now is on the smaller side. It's spacious enough for two people but small enough to only take a few hours to clean. For the first time in my life, I learn to enjoy my independence. Life has been treating me much better the past few months. I don't seem to mind a lot of things that used to bother me. It could be that I have been here long enough that I slowly adjust to the country, the people and the way of life. But one thing that still bothers me from time to time is my personal finance. I used to earn more in the third world country, where cost of living is relatively cheap. Now I am earning much less, but living in one of the most expensive country in the world. A thousand baht is a lot of money to me now, nice things are only for special occasion, and there are things that I have to tell myself that I can no longer afford. I know I won't be earning any more than I do now moaning about it. I want to make more money and I will definitely make it happen. That is my main goal for next year. 2013 has been a real roller coaster of my life. I had never been so unhappy, frustrated and depressed. But at the same time, I am happy that I am here with my loving and supportive husband. Without all of the bad rides, I wouldn't realize how great and wonderful he is. There are a few weeks left of this year and I am hoping to end it on the high. I am also looking forward to a more positive year in 2014. I hope to also have a bit more time to vent out my frustration on here more often. Until then, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all.
  3. I love the express train though, more expensive but only 15 - 17 mins from town to the airport. I seem to remember taking escalator up and down the platform at Ratchaprarop station though. You might want to ask the staff where it is.
  4. Hahaha, thanks Rob! I guess you forgot that I am married!!!
  5. Danno -- Thanks a lot! I hope I get to choose as well! Praying for more good news in the coming week(s)! P'Tu -- Thank you very much! But let me keep you updated on the news first. I don't want to jinx it! funky_house -- I am looking East, possibly Hammersmith line because that would take me straight to the station of the potential work. But I don't know where would be a good area to narrow the searches. But thanks for the suggestion!
  6. After feeling all doom and gloom for almost 2 months, some good news are coming along! I eventually got an offer for a customer service position at one of the big banks here in the UK. 25 mins by bus from home, right on the High Street, although the salary isn't that great, I would still say it is quite a catch. Considering the current economy situation with the Triple Dip on the horizon, I consider myself very lucky to land a job that pays more than minimum wage, with (minimal) benefits, at a steady company, and possibility career progression. But just one day after I got the offer, I saw a vacancy for a job in my old field of work! Although it was one step down from my previous role, it means going back to what I know, what I do well, and where the money is. After sending a follow up e-mail with more information, I received a call back from the company that I am qualified for their short list of candidates. More information will be coming later at the end of this week, I hope so bad that it'll be the positive news. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. I really want this!!! P.S. Any suggestion for a nice area to live in London that is not too expensive? Thanks!
  7. After feeling all doom and gloom for almost 2 months, some good news are coming along! I eventually got an offer for a customer service position at one of the big banks here in the UK. 25 mins by bus from home, right on the High Street, although the salary isn't that great, I would still say it is quite a catch. Considering the current economy situation with the Triple Dip on the horizon, I consider myself very lucky to land a job that pays more than minimum wage, with (minimal) benefits, at a steady company, and possibility career progression. But just one day after I got the offer, I saw a vacancy for a job in my old field of work! Although it was one step down from my previous role, it means going back to what I know, what I do well, and where the money is. After sending a follow up e-mail with more information, I received a call back from the company that I am qualified for their short list of candidates. More information will be coming later at the end of this week, I hope so bad that it'll be the positive news. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. I really want this!!! P.S. Any suggestion for a nice area to live in London that is not too expensive? Thanks!
  8. Given a choice, I would go home and only visit this "first world country" only on holidays! I am very Asian, and I know that I will not be able to change that quite easily. As I posted earlier to Rob, I really do think I would adapt much easier in the US but not so much here in the UK. They have their own ways here and I do find them very abnormal and at some point absurd. In order to accept something to be normal, it most possibly means that you have to embrace the abnormal to become the normal. It takes time to accept things as they are, and it might take even longer to accept things that you do not like as they are. I were given a choice to go home (for a short time) recently, but going back to my comfort zone now would make it harder to come back and start all over again. In the meantime, I do not think I am ready to adapt to the "first world" normalcy just yet.
  9. I am trying not to name names here, Dan! Thanks for the welcome message. It is the cold winter like this that is perfect for creating nuisance on TF. ;-)
  10. The slower pace in speech wasn't exactly what I took in negatively, but the tone that she used was totally different from the cheery tone she spoke to the guy before me. The last thing any foreigner wants is to feel different. It might just be me and my pessimism, but quite a lot of people in this area do want to stress that you are unpleasantly different and often do it in your face. I live in an area where multicultural population is new to them. If someone speaks with a different accent, although he/she is Caucasian, a remark would be made on his/her accent, unfortunately in a condescending tone.
  11. If I could change one thing in life, I would never stopped exercising no matter how tight my schedule got!!!
  12. It has been over 2 months since I arrived in the Western World. I am still struggling to find a job and getting used to a lot of the Western ways, especially food. I seriously miss all the good food in Thailand! I have been meaning to start writing again after such a long pause. But I have been so sidetrack and wasted my time on so many things. I miss writing and I have been missing out on documenting various things in my life in the meantime. I had quite an interesting day today, so I might as well get back to writing again. Let me go back a few days earlier, I saw the first snow of this winter in this area. Yesterday, my husband and I attempted to make a snowman but the snow was too fine and there was not enough snow. So we ended up having a brief snowball fight instead. It was fun, and we had a good laugh together. It was the coldest night so far this winter last night. Although there was no snow, with such low temperature, ice was everywhere. Having to get some photos printed, I traveled to town and took a few photos along the way. When you have a mission in mind, it is amazing how you notice so many things you never would have noticed of before. I was looking at all the small things along the way and took quite a few interesting photos. Before the journey began, I stopped by at a small post office to send two cards one locally and one to Japan. Then I got the on the bus, and asked for a day ticket. The bus driver instantly assumed that I wouldn't understand what she said, and spoke with a slower pace than usual. I couldn't help but noticed a change in her tone, when speaking to me in comparison to other passengers, the first bad incident of the day. Yet at the same time, I found something interesting on the bus. The bus driver didn't have enough change to give me, so she gave me a "Change Voucher" that I could give to the next bus driver I caught and I could get my change from. Pretty cool system. After arriving in town, I headed immediately to the photo shop. The guy who served me got a bit of an attitude. I was trying to explain to him that I want a "Wallet Photo", the term I found out later when I got home today. Instead of listening to my explanation, he spoke quite abruptly that he didn't understand what I was talking about. Not saying that he wasn't sure that such product was available, but he did not understand "me". He was quite an a$$hole in my opinion. :evil: That was the second bad incident of the day. I had to wait around an hour for the photos to be printed, so I went to Starbucks for a hot drink to warm me up. Since this country doesn't have my favorite drinks available like other countries around the world, I settled for one drink menu through out the past two plus months, Tall Signature Hot Chocolate. The guy rang the cash register and told me the cost of the drink, which was more expensive than usual, but I only realized that 30 seconds later. I rechecked the price on the menu, and asked the lady who handed me the drink to recheck again, she confirmed that I was overcharged. She, then, called out to the guy, Andy, and informed him that he overcharged me. He insisted that he was right, while I insisted that it was more than I usual paid. His reaction was "Don't worry, I'll sort it out for ya.", then picked up the difference from the "tip box". He did not even bother rechecking the correct price, he simply just gave me the difference with an attitude, so he could get rid of me. I cannot believe this is a standard of customer service in the first world country. There go the third bad incident of the day. I went back to the photo shop, luckily the a$$hole wasn't there. The other staff was so polite and friendly. He tried to make small talk but he was speaking so softly that I couldn't catch his questions or took a while to process what he was saying. All my replied to him was "Thank you" and 5-10 seconds too late. :oops: I hope next time I go there, he'd be the one serving me! It was not such a successful day out, so I decided to take a bus back home. Being Asian, I got to sit by myself most of the journey, since no one seemed to want to sit next to me unless it was the last seat available. Fine by me though. The whole journey was alright, no traffic and I got the seat to myself, up until about 5 mins to my destination. More than 10 kids got on the bus and made a hell of a noise, shouting and screaming, seriously no manner nor consideration towards others. I think kids in Thailand are way more civilized, and definitely have much better manner. I am not sure if I should also count this in as another bad incident of the day. :confused: While walking home, I took a photo of the park near the house, which turned out quite pretty. There was also some frost on the plants in front of the house that I did not notice on the way out. They also came out nice in the photos. At least the journey ended with a positive note. I guess that concludes my day out today and this entry. I intend to do this more often, while I am still out of job. I need my writing skills back! Good night from this side of the world, all. Thanks for reading.
  13. It has been over 2 months since I arrived in the Western World. I am still struggling to find a job and getting used to a lot of the Western ways, especially food. I seriously miss all the good food in Thailand! I have been meaning to start writing again after such a long pause. But I have been so sidetrack and wasted my time on so many things. I miss writing and I have been missing out on documenting various things in my life in the meantime. I had quite an interesting day today, so I might as well get back to writing again. Let me go back a few days earlier, I saw the first snow of this winter in this area. Yesterday, my husband and I attempted to make a snowman but the snow was too fine and there was not enough snow. So we ended up having a brief snowball fight instead. It was fun, and we had a good laugh together. It was the coldest night so far this winter last night. Although there was no snow, with such low temperature, ice was everywhere. Having to get some photos printed, I traveled to town and took a few photos along the way. When you have a mission in mind, it is amazing how you notice so many things you never would have noticed of before. I was looking at all the small things along the way and took quite a few interesting photos. Before the journey began, I stopped by at a small post office to send two cards one locally and one to Japan. Then I got the on the bus, and asked for a day ticket. The bus driver instantly assumed that I wouldn't understand what she said, and spoke with a slower pace than usual. I couldn't help but noticed a change in her tone, when speaking to me in comparison to other passengers, the first bad incident of the day. Yet at the same time, I found something interesting on the bus. The bus driver didn't have enough change to give me, so she gave me a "Change Voucher" that I could give to the next bus driver I caught and I could get my change from. Pretty cool system. After arriving in town, I headed immediately to the photo shop. The guy who served me got a bit of an attitude. I was trying to explain to him that I want a "Wallet Photo", the term I found out later when I got home today. Instead of listening to my explanation, he spoke quite abruptly that he didn't understand what I was talking about. Not saying that he wasn't sure that such product was available, but he did not understand "me". He was quite an a$$hole in my opinion. :evil: That was the second bad incident of the day. I had to wait around an hour for the photos to be printed, so I went to Starbucks for a hot drink to warm me up. Since this country doesn't have my favorite drinks available like other countries around the world, I settled for one drink menu through out the past two plus months, Tall Signature Hot Chocolate. The guy rang the cash register and told me the cost of the drink, which was more expensive than usual, but I only realized that 30 seconds later. I rechecked the price on the menu, and asked the lady who handed me the drink to recheck again, she confirmed that I was overcharged. She, then, called out to the guy, Andy, and informed him that he overcharged me. He insisted that he was right, while I insisted that it was more than I usual paid. His reaction was "Don't worry, I'll sort it out for ya.", then picked up the difference from the "tip box". He did not even bother rechecking the correct price, he simply just gave me the difference with an attitude, so he could get rid of me. I cannot believe this is a standard of customer service in the first world country. There go the third bad incident of the day. I went back to the photo shop, luckily the a$$hole wasn't there. The other staff was so polite and friendly. He tried to make small talk but he was speaking so softly that I couldn't catch his questions or took a while to process what he was saying. All my replied to him was "Thank you" and 5-10 seconds too late. :oops: I hope next time I go there, he'd be the one serving me! It was not such a successful day out, so I decided to take a bus back home. Being Asian, I got to sit by myself most of the journey, since no one seemed to want to sit next to me unless it was the last seat available. Fine by me though. The whole journey was alright, no traffic and I got the seat to myself, up until about 5 mins to my destination. More than 10 kids got on the bus and made a hell of a noise, shouting and screaming, seriously no manner nor consideration towards others. I think kids in Thailand are way more civilized, and definitely have much better manner. I am not sure if I should also count this in as another bad incident of the day. :confused: While walking home, I took a photo of the park near the house, which turned out quite pretty. There was also some frost on the plants in front of the house that I did not notice on the way out. They also came out nice in the photos. At least the journey ended with a positive note. I guess that concludes my day out today and this entry. I intend to do this more often, while I am still out of job. I need my writing skills back! Good night from this side of the world, all. Thanks for reading.
  14. I hope I am not too late in the saying Congratulations!
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