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PeterH61

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Everything posted by PeterH61

  1. PeterH61

    Awful.

    Rob, you've seen WORSE??? Please tell me where and I'll make a point of avoiding it like the plague on my next trip to LOS :-)
  2. Yes, happy BD Bobby, hope you have a gr8 day :-)
  3. A complexion that perfect needs one of two things !. A brilliant make-up artist OR 2. Photoshop :-)
  4. PeterH61

    One way or another

    Soda, don't bank on the consular staff finding yr emails funny, one of the qualifications for being a bureaucrat is not having a sense of humour
  5. PeterH61

    KFC Cricket Survival Guide

    Maybe Aussie needed some KFC last summer when they came to England and got their a**es kicked in the Ashes lol
  6. PeterH61

    Great analogy!

    Iain, have you tried asking the screws at Barlinnie??
  7. PeterH61

    Today's Events

    "Enjoy the beautiful weather" Great for you guys in Bkk but there was a 56 degree difference between Bankok's top temperature of 33 and GB's lowest lowest -23, just one degree warmer than the South Pole!! We're in the middle of our worst winter for a full generation, but hey! hope you guys had a fantastic time
  8. An amazing find - it has to be remembered that this was taken to Antarctica before any human had reached the South Pole (Amundsen was the first in December 1911), only about a year and a half after the first flight actoss the English Channel and seven and a half years before Alcock and Brown made the first transatlantic flight (June 1919, also in a Vickers aircraft). That makes this a really interesting historic find
  9. Now the really interesting news item would involve the cop who pulled a gun in a snowball fight in DC a few days ago taking off his clothes outside the White House and getting taken into the nuthouse!! And what are they worried about with streakers on front of #1600 Pennsylvania Avenue? do they think Michelle hasn't seen a d*ck?? She's got 2 young daughters, so she must have seen one at least twice before :-) Though on those occasions perhaps not as shrivelled up with cold as thjis one!!
  10. A female Michael Schumacher - shoves everyone else off the track :-) Even got the right colour for the quad buke - he drove for Ferrari
  11. PeterH61

    Statutory Rape

    One way of getting extra mayo with her Big Mac :-)
  12. PeterH61

    ABSOLUTE GENIUS!!!

    That certainly wins the Staggering Intelligence Award for January :-) What a w**ker
  13. I see nothing controversial in not being gullible enough to fall for the God bulls**t I'm thinking of inventing my own religion and my "supreme being" (to borrow a quotation from Time Bandits) will be called Tac. Work it out
  14. This is one of the rare occasions I agree with Iain - keep the sex offenders in Aussie. In any case they'd be more at home among you sheep sha**ers :-)
  15. PeterH61

    Eating INFINITY...

    Aum, I've worked out EXACTLY what you're up to - you're determined to push me past the 90kg mark (currently just under 75) before the end of Jan :-) As always, terrific foodie journal - have a lovely 2010
  16. Hope Santa brought you everything you wanted - and a happy New Year to you and Daddy
  17. Hopeit's a VERY special day for you Tukkie, MANY HAPPY RETURNS as we say in the UK
  18. PeterH61

    The late Tommy Cooper

    Yes a great comedian, but the bungled magic tricks were part of the act - he was also a skilled magician and a respected member of the Magic Circle
  19. As Dr Spooner might have said, Crappy Histmas everyone :-)
  20. Have a great Christmas night in Pattaya Ginger :-)
  21. The last new year resolution I made was the only one I managed to keep for more than a few days. At the age of 19 (44 years ago now) I resolved never to make any more new year resolutions :-)
  22. Nice to know the good old US of A is safe from ICBRs (Inter Continental Ballistic Reindeers) :-)
  23. PeterH61

    Ten reasons

    Ten reasons why we know Santa is a man 1. No dress sense 2. Never replies to your letters 3. The chances of getting what you ask for are nil 4. Beer belly 5. Only commits to one day a year 6. Obsessed with stockings 7. He never stops to ask for directions 8. Too lazy to shave 9. Always wears the same clothes 10. Only willing to do a job when people leave food and booze out for him – and even then he doesn’t wash up afterwards HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE - Ho Ho Ho
  24. PeterH61

    Ten reasons

    Ten reasons why we know Santa is a man 1. No dress sense 2. Never replies to your letters 3. The chances of getting what you ask for are nil 4. Beer belly 5. Only commits to one day a year 6. Obsessed with stockings 7. He never stops to ask for directions 8. Too lazy to shave 9. Always wears the same clothes 10. Only willing to do a job when people leave food and booze out for him – and even then he doesn’t wash up afterwards HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE - Ho Ho Ho
  25. PeterH61

    Blonde jokes

    1. A blonde and a brunette were in an elevator with a man. They both noticed he had some dandruff on his shirt, but were too nice to say anything to him about it. When he finally got out two floors later, the brunette said, "Wow, somebody should give that man some Head n Shoulders" and the blonde replied, "How do you give him shoulders?" 2. A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, she shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "****, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!" 3. A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!" 4. A blonde went to a flying school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this." After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, then watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan..." 5. A blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within a half an hour, she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately flipping the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. She replied, "I finished the exam in half and hour. But, I’m rechecking my answers!!" 6. One day, a blonde goes into a store. She gets an item and walks up to the cashier. She says, "I'd like to buy this TV". He says, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes". The next day, she dyes her hair red and goes back in the store, but the same thing happens. Finally, she shaves her head and goes back in. When she tries to buy it for the third time, the man refuses again for the same reason. She says, "How the hell do you know I'm blonde?" He replied “That's a microwave."
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