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PeterH61

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Everything posted by PeterH61

  1. PeterH61

    RE: DRUNKS

    Nice one Tony, thanks :-))
  2. Karma, I have no problerm with doing a character assassination on someone whose character deserves to be assassinated - such as the mindless imbeciles who come out with some of the total s**t you refer to. And the overwhelming majority of politicians came a close second except that most of them don't have characters to assassinate!!
  3. PeterH61

    Chatting

    Major problem - 8.00pm in Thailand is 2pm in most of Europe and most Europeans are wortking then. Worse in parts of the USA & Canada it's the small hours of the morning.
  4. You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on... If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this: COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT A: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? C: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. A: Mac? C: No, the name's Lou. A: Your computer? C: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. A: Mac? C: I told you, my name's Lou. A: What about Windows? C: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? A: Do you want a computer with Windows? C: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows? A: Wallpaper. C: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. A: Software for Windows? C: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have? A: Office. C: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? A: I just did. C: You just did what? A: Recommend something. C: You recommended something? A: Yes. C: For my office? A: Yes. C: OK, what did you recommend for my office? A: Office. C: Yes, for my office! A: I recommend Office with Windows. C: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.? What do I need? A: Word. C: What word? A: Word in Office. C: The only word in office is office. A: The Word in Office for Windows. C: Which word in office for windows? A: The Word you get when you click the blue "W". C: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers! What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with? A: Money. C: That's right. What do you have? A: Money. C: I need money to track my money? A: It comes bundled with your computer. C: What's bundled with my computer? A: Money. C: Money comes with my computer? A: Yes. No extra charge. C: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? A: One copy. C: Isn't it illegal to copy money? A: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money. C: They can give you a license to copy money? A: Why not? THEY OWN IT! A FEW DAYS LATER A: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? C: How do I turn my computer off? A: Click on "START".............
  5. You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on... If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this: COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT A: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? C: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. A: Mac? C: No, the name's Lou. A: Your computer? C: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. A: Mac? C: I told you, my name's Lou. A: What about Windows? C: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? A: Do you want a computer with Windows? C: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows? A: Wallpaper. C: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. A: Software for Windows? C: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have? A: Office. C: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? A: I just did. C: You just did what? A: Recommend something. C: You recommended something? A: Yes. C: For my office? A: Yes. C: OK, what did you recommend for my office? A: Office. C: Yes, for my office! A: I recommend Office with Windows. C: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.? What do I need? A: Word. C: What word? A: Word in Office. C: The only word in office is office. A: The Word in Office for Windows. C: Which word in office for windows? A: The Word you get when you click the blue "W". C: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers! What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with? A: Money. C: That's right. What do you have? A: Money. C: I need money to track my money? A: It comes bundled with your computer. C: What's bundled with my computer? A: Money. C: Money comes with my computer? A: Yes. No extra charge. C: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? A: One copy. C: Isn't it illegal to copy money? A: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money. C: They can give you a license to copy money? A: Why not? THEY OWN IT! A FEW DAYS LATER A: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? C: How do I turn my computer off? A: Click on "START".............
  6. And I was looking forward to a nice MOIST slice of BLACK Forest gateau this evening :-) In the UK we had a self-appointed "guardian of public morality" called Mary Whitehouse who was always complaining about the most popular TV programmes. For her, the word "bloody" was a moral outrage and she once tried to get a magazine prosecuted under the Obscene Publications Act for printing a picture of a girl aged 7 or 8 sitting on a beach sucking a stick of rock. (Well,it was long pink and sticky!!!) The prosecution collapsed and she was laughed out of the court. I would argue that the danger to a free society comes from this sort of self-appointed, narrow-minded, totally unrepresentative imbecile and I'll happily call them all "stupid f***ing c**ts" to their faces - and where they are concerned i don't give a s**t who I offend. BTW, Mark Liberman must be a really cunning linguist :-)
  7. PeterH61

    ???

    Nicky: "I'm gonna go out shooting something with my new toys. )" Does that mean Freezy will be joining you???
  8. Iain, let me be the first to send birthday wishes for (presumably) 1 September. And as for vintage Krug, I'm more a Bollinger man - but what the Hell, to each his own :-)
  9. A truly beautiful presentation, thx for sharing Iain. Pavel, yes, much of Russia suffered under the Nazis, but the privations were not much more savage (if at all) than those committed by Hitler's contemporary Stalin. I accept that many areas of the USSR came in for horrific treatment - Leningrad (now St. Petersburg), Stalingrad (Now Volgograd), but one of the most terrible single atrocities was perpetrated in Ukraine, the murder of around 150,000 jews and their burial at Babi Yar,a ravine near Kyiv, commemorated in Shostakovich's Symphony No. 13. This was perhaps the worst single crime the Nazis committed outside Poland where all 6 of the extermination camps responsible for implementing "die entlosen der Judenfrage" (the final solution to the Jewish question) were located. And for the 40 years following World War II, the USSR's occupation of large parts of central Europe was also brutal. Look at Hungary in 1956, Czechoslovakia in 1968 and the attempts to crush the Polish independent trade union "Solidarity" in the 1980s. I'm not attempting to condone Nazism, but its exact opposite was no less dictatorial and no less imperialistic in its owm way.
  10. PeterH61

    Why lie?

    Iain D: poor Gandalf - wizarding work just dried up once they had found the ring in Mordor (rumours that Harry Potter is now a Kings Cross rent boy are completely true) I hear Hermoine's on the game too - she'll do anything for a big enough magic wand :-)
  11. An international driving license isn't easy, you have to have a full license in your own country and at least three others (I qualified in UK, Singapore, USA, France and Germany). You then apply to your "home" licensing authority for an international license, enclosing photocopies of the licenses you hold in other countries. After about three weeks your international license should be issued.
  12. I worked for an American firm for 32 years and it turned out after I'd been with them for 10 years that before they sent US executives to the UK they gave them a crash course in what they called "English English" and we over on our side of the Atlantic called "Real English". But they never gave courses in American English to British executives going over to the States BTW Danno - "Flexable" isn't English on EITHER side of the Atlantic - do you mean "flexible"??
  13. Thers's an easier way than that - jost got yourself off to Sukhumvit Soi 4 with a few thousand baht :-) And Enchanted, if you bite, remind me not to ask you for a BJ :-)
  14. PeterH61

    Where is Wallace?

    Last I saw of him he was taking Gromit for a walk :-)
  15. PeterH61

    Vatican humour

    After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't exactly travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb. “Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the driver, “would you please take your seat so we can leave?” “Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.” ”I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I can’t let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?” protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning. ”Who's going to tell?” says the Pope with a smile. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. He quickly regrets it when, after exiting the airport, his boss floors the pedal, accelerating the limo to 200 kph (remember, the Pope is German). ”Please slow down, Your Holiness!” pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal on the floor until they hear sirens. ”Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license - and my job!” moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. ”I need to talk to the Chief,” he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 200 kph. ”So bust him,” says the Chief. ”I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,” said the cop. The Chief exclaimed, “All the more reason!” ”No, I mean really important,” said the cop with a bit of persistence. The Chief then asked, “Who do you have there, the mayor?” Cop: “Bigger.” Chief: “A senator? Cop: “Bigger.” Chief: “The President?” Cop: 'Bigger.'”Well,” said the Chief, 'who the f**k is it” Cop: “I think it's God!” The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, “What makes you think that?” Cop: “His chauffeur is the Pope”
  16. PeterH61

    Vatican humour

    After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't exactly travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb. “Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the driver, “would you please take your seat so we can leave?” “Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.” ”I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I can’t let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?” protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning. ”Who's going to tell?” says the Pope with a smile. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. He quickly regrets it when, after exiting the airport, his boss floors the pedal, accelerating the limo to 200 kph (remember, the Pope is German). ”Please slow down, Your Holiness!” pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal on the floor until they hear sirens. ”Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license - and my job!” moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. ”I need to talk to the Chief,” he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 200 kph. ”So bust him,” says the Chief. ”I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,” said the cop. The Chief exclaimed, “All the more reason!” ”No, I mean really important,” said the cop with a bit of persistence. The Chief then asked, “Who do you have there, the mayor?” Cop: “Bigger.” Chief: “A senator? Cop: “Bigger.” Chief: “The President?” Cop: 'Bigger.'”Well,” said the Chief, 'who the f**k is it” Cop: “I think it's God!” The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, “What makes you think that?” Cop: “His chauffeur is the Pope”
  17. Some Aussie wines are OK but with my part-French parentage I still believe you can't beat a good Bordeaux
  18. That was the only time during the whole match they were able to catch Ryan Giggs!
  19. PeterH61

    Fluctuation...

    AumI have a big problem with fluctuation - whenever I sample your recipes my weight fluctuates upwards :-)
  20. PeterH61

    Tourist scam???

    In restaurants and other hospitality establishments, service charges and tips are no more than a tacit recognition that the serving staff at least are on starvation wages. Would it not be mor realistic to charge higher prices and pay their staff realistic wages??
  21. And the thing they all seem to have overlooked is that it's SOFT ice cream while Viagra has exactly thye opposite effect
  22. PeterH61

    'Heavenly appeals'

    Nice one Marc - I wonder what Richard Dawkins would make of it??
  23. Aom - you're curious AND naughty
  24. PeterH61

    The Piano.

    If you look at the fingering carefully, it's clear that the animator was a skilled keyboard player him/herself
  25. Big D intimidating? Surely not - mind you, it depends what the D stands for, if it's d*ck they might have something to worry about :-)
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