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Hazel

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Everything posted by Hazel

  1. Hapi New Year 2012... May we all enjoy success and peace in all that we do in the coming new year and beyond. Wishing everyone here all the best... ^^ New year resolutions anyone? For me, it is to get a better sense of self-awareness, so that I can be more confident of what I really want out of my life ultimately, and subsequently attain greater peace of life and greater certainty about what I want most about myself. How about you lovely people? =)
  2. Hazel

    :( Not Again!!!

    Hi Dave, thanks for your response. That may be a good idea... N agree that sometimes it's not easy to find someone whom we like and who is sincere about us too... So you did come back to TF once in a while haha! ^^
  3. I know, I know, ok, hahahaha... Anyhow, the previous post was made half in jest!
  4. Santa owes me big time this year. I did not get that scholarship, that million dollar lottery price, nor the 15-day Thailand/Laos trip... 5555555
  5. Hazel

    :( Not Again!!!

    Dan, thanks for your kind words of encouragement. I know what you mean and that there's no 100% or perfect men out there. I don't need perfect men or 100% (cos I know they don't exist) - I just don't want to fall in love with the "wrong" type of guys and be hurt again It seems that more often than not, I am still having the hots for the wrong type of guys (the kind who will never love me in return wholeheartedly). I just don't know why. Maybe my brain is still programmed offttrack, I wonder? Just the other day, I saw on my FBK that my guyfriend is touring alone with his female friend (whom he labelled as his BFF). Alone with her! I'm so envious. Envious that some guys and some gals just have all the luck to have someone of the opposite sex as their BFF n get away with it. But for me, no such luck too I'm also mindful that I have just turned 30 this year. What this means to me is that most guys my age or older are either already married or in a steady relationship, or else I have to go for the younger guys. N we all know that however we may try to explain it away, it remains a phenomenon that guys (be them younger or older) mostly prefer to have younger gals as their partners. So there's that thing too.
  6. Hazel

    :( Not Again!!!

    Thanks Soda sweets for your kind words of encouragement. Hopefully all will turn out well in the end...
  7. Hazel

    :( Not Again!!!

    Heinz, thanks for your response. Actually, I really felt that I have already missed the boat on at least two occasions, and each of the two guys is already happily married. On the first occasion, I was 17 and dating a 16YO younger guy. At that time, I had really low self-esteem (sometimes I still have low self-esteem today), and worried that he is not really loving me and that he will soon leave me for a younger girl. Moreover, I was still pretty much in denial of my own feelings and dreams at that time, and left him within a few weeks for an older guy who was a wild party animal (and of course, the older guy and I also broke up soon after). At that time, I was too ashamed to admit to the younger BF that I still wanted to party very hard cos he was really a good BF to me, treating me as a real person and serious with me, so I cooked up a lie and tell him that I was "just" returning to my ex BF who came back to me cos he kept asking me why we seemed to be getting on well but why I suddenly wanted to break up with him. In the end, it appeared that my mistrust in him about leaving me for a younger girl was unfounded cos a couple of years or so after we broke up, he dated another older girl (my age) and is now happily married to her for some years. He is definitely one BF I really feel I have not fully cherished cos there were too many fears in me of being let down and used again. But it's too late...
  8. Hazel

    :( Not Again!!!

    Bill, thanks for telling about this philosophy. I have to say I do agree with it. Even if it is just our imagination and is not alway true, it still makes me feel better. Anyway, I think he has given up after I rejected to be his GF twice, and is now focused on chasing other skirts haha. Better for me this way I guess cos each time we met, I always feel so happy. But each time when we parted way for home, I am so depressed and my mind wanders wild about how much the things he said to me were just to play with my feelings. A advised me it is better for me not to meet up with him anymore and also that to just let him be if he does not want to contact me anymore. I guess so, but you know how my head n my heart doesn't match at times... Hopefully, a blessing in disguise one of these days after all these ^^
  9. Hazel

    :( Not Again!!!

    Excuse me, lovely people, be back to respond to all your other advice of concern; gota go kitchen and do some stuff
  10. Oh, that's so naughty and unkind of her One of my guyfriends here is black and many people, including myself, agree that he is one of the nicest, most helpful guy that there is
  11. Hi Ciaran, I forgot to tell you that I joined many months ago the online news source you asked us to but I could not find our bookclub :(

  12. Merry Xmas babe...
  13. First, I wana say that I only read the first two pages of comments before I jumped here to reply. I am of Southeast Asian ethnicity, although I am not Thai. I honestly can tell you I do not mind a black guy as my BF or husband, although I have never dated one before, for no reason than that none of them has ever tried to date me and I don't know any black guyfriends until this year. However, I remembered one conversation I had with a childhood galfriend over dinner almost 10 years ago. We were talking about the type of guys we will like to date and it eventually got around to her asking me whether when I said I do not mind the race, whether it included "black men". I told her yes, including black men. And it was my first encounter as to how people can still be so racially-minded, EVEN one's own childhood friends.
  14. Hazel

    :( Not Again!!!

    First of all, I must apologize to Admins and TFers that nowadays I seldom pop into TF (not that I will be missed much anyway, I'm sure haha) and when I do, it is always to make some petty grouses. Ok, *not again!!!* that another guy this year who has told me that he likes me (and whom I also like a little and thinks he's cute) and wants to be my BF is again insisting that he has a Facebook account but is no longer using it and will not like to use it again. U see, he's an international student and who knows, without FBK, he may have a wife or girlfriend lurking somewhere. Sometimes I just wonder what bad karma I have, and if ever I will ever have a guy who's sincerely interested in a relationship with me.... I think I have already tried my best to be a "good person" since many, many years ago but things just don't seem to be working out. I know I have been a bit of a flirt during my adolescence, sometimes having more than one BF at a time and having hurt some of my ex-BFs in the past . I don't want to make excuses for myself or try to justify my past misdeeds. Although I will say that this associated with some bad past I had in some earlier part of my life, and my resulting insecurity and inability to trust my partner, I know I as a human being with relative freewill, is still responsible for my own actions utlimately (sorry if this sounds like some sort of weird confession)... I mean, I have not explicitly been looking for a BF cos there's a part of me that's worried of hurting myself again through falling in love with the "wrong" type of guy, but when I do get to know guys who eventually said that they want to be with me, things often don't turn out the way I hope it to be. I mean, all I want, if I really were to be in a relationship again, is just a faithful, sincere, kind-hearted and responsible man. I don't need someone with lots of money because I believe that so long as both parties are responsible beings, they can always work hard together to build a better future together, which means working hard together to earn and save money for a future together. However, it seems no matter what I do, I will never be able to have happiness and sincerity from someone I love and who love me too. There have been some nice guys whom I feel have been sincere in wanting to be with me, but these guys are either not someone I have feelings for, or else at that time, I was still on the road to emotional repair and was just not ready to commit (and some of them are married now a couple of years or so later). It is so important to me that I do not hurt myself and my family again, cos I really, honestly have worked very, very hard to climb back on my feet and get to where I am currently although it is not much being who I am today anyway. Actually, I don't know if my blog is really asking a question. Probably, it just gives me an opportunity to express my feelings I have pented up for so long, and for that, I thank TF.
  15. Hazel

    :( Not Again!!!

    First of all, I must apologize to Admins and TFers that nowadays I seldom pop into TF (not that I will be missed much anyway, I'm sure haha) and when I do, it is always to make some petty grouses. Ok, *not again!!!* that another guy this year who has told me that he likes me (and whom I also like a little and thinks he's cute) and wants to be my BF is again insisting that he has a Facebook account but is no longer using it and will not like to use it again. U see, he's an international student and who knows, without FBK, he may have a wife or girlfriend lurking somewhere. Sometimes I just wonder what bad karma I have, and if ever I will ever have a guy who's sincerely interested in a relationship with me.... I think I have already tried my best to be a "good person" since many, many years ago but things just don't seem to be working out. I know I have been a bit of a flirt during my adolescence, sometimes having more than one BF at a time and having hurt some of my ex-BFs in the past . I don't want to make excuses for myself or try to justify my past misdeeds. Although I will say that this associated with some bad past I had in some earlier part of my life, and my resulting insecurity and inability to trust my partner, I know I as a human being with relative freewill, is still responsible for my own actions utlimately (sorry if this sounds like some sort of weird confession)... I mean, I have not explicitly been looking for a BF cos there's a part of me that's worried of hurting myself again through falling in love with the "wrong" type of guy, but when I do get to know guys who eventually said that they want to be with me, things often don't turn out the way I hope it to be. I mean, all I want, if I really were to be in a relationship again, is just a faithful, sincere, kind-hearted and responsible man. I don't need someone with lots of money because I believe that so long as both parties are responsible beings, they can always work hard together to build a better future together, which means working hard together to earn and save money for a future together. However, it seems no matter what I do, I will never be able to have happiness and sincerity from someone I love and who love me too. There have been some nice guys whom I feel have been sincere in wanting to be with me, but these guys are either not someone I have feelings for, or else at that time, I was still on the road to emotional repair and was just not ready to commit (and some of them are married now a couple of years or so later). It is so important to me that I do not hurt myself and my family again, cos I really, honestly have worked very, very hard to climb back on my feet and get to where I am currently although it is not much being who I am today anyway. Actually, I don't know if my blog is really asking a question. Probably, it just gives me an opportunity to express my feelings I have pented up for so long, and for that, I thank TF.
  16. Hazel

    Hello TF

    Sounds like you are enjoying life there. Happy for you Merry Xmas and Happy New Year to u n ur hubby too =)
  17. Hazel

    taking a break fron tf

    Thanks, gd luck to u too, chok dee mak mak ^^
  18. Hazel

    After the flood

    Hope the THB5000 comes around real soon! Meanwhile, glad that your family is safe and sound...
  19. Hazel

    Wedding Pics Part II

    Oh pretty, pretty pics! Congratz Bill! :D Btw, I think you seem to have put on a bitsy more weight as compared to your old profile pics. N probably, it's the good food, good life and lovely wifey!
  20. Hazel

    taking a break fron tf

    Hi Dave, I'm glad I logged in today (after very many weeks away) to see this blog entry you made. I'm sorry to hear about your health and the previous relationship, but it sounds like it is turning out to be a blessing in disguise as you have instead found someone whom you feel to be more suitable and who lives so much closer to you keke Hope you get well soon, and keep us updated here on your bloggie! ^^ Meanwhile, avagdweegend! =) (My coursemate taught me this when I was exchanging text messages with her about some assignments haha)!
  21. Anyhow, congratz on ur big day, and wishing you all the greatest happiness in this world!
  22. I have never had a farang boyfriend. I only can imagine that it may be the level of understanding the farang BF has about the importance of the family unit (which will include Granny, cousins and our favourite aunts) to an Asian woman like me. That said, I know this is purely stereotypying - a form of stereotyping even I myself do not believe in at the best of times (i.e. that farangs will not understand it as well as a BF from my country will). And also stereotyping in the sense that not all Asian women place equal importance as me to some aspects of the extended family.
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