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Everything posted by English_Bob

  1. She could try getting a job... ...or maybe this IS her trying to get a job.
  2. I could kill pretty much all dog breeds (assuming it's one on one rather than a pack). A cow would be hard work, but they don't have much in the way of defence - probably go for knee joints until it couldn't stand or turn. Is it a stand-up fight? It's going to stand and fight, not run away? I can't be arsed chasing them down. Same for horses. I could handle most snakes - I used to keep them and was pretty good with them. Small alligators and crocs... let's say up to a metre and a half. Anything bigger than that would be trouble. Sharks under a metre if I was in waist deep water. In deep water, I guess even a small shark could pick me off. None of the big cats - they're just too fast and strong. And any monkey/ape bigger than a metre tall would be problematic too. I doubt I could take them. Hippos, elephants, rhinos and bears are all out. So are those elephant seals and walruses, just too much blubber, Those African grazers are all fighters too - zebras, antelopes, wildebeaste, giraffes... **** 'em, I wouldn't know where to start. All of the above assumes fully grown animals... Babies? I reckon I could do most of them... Except a whale.
  3. I did it... I was sitting with my girl in Pomodoro (used to be near Suk soi 5) having some pasta - about 4pm. From outside we heard some shouting (from a farang) and some ghastly screaming from a Thai girl. Looking down the road we could see a Thai guy dragging a woman up the street by her hair. The farang guy shouted at him to stop but he didn't. I left my meal at the table and walked out of the restaurant. I arrived just in time to catch the guy's arm as he had started beating the girl. He looked shocked and I told (in Thai) him to let go of the girl. He stopped. I asked what was going on. He told me he was her brother and he was taking her back home to see her mother. The girl denied it, saying he wasn't her brother. Knowing that this could take some time, I said we'd take a walk up to Soi 4 and talk to the police at the traffic box and they could sort it out. As we started up the road, the guy grabbed the girl's hair again - as though she needed to be dragged everywhere. And she started screaming again. I told him to stop again. We took another couple of steps and he grabbed her again. This time, I shouted (in English) "Stop, touching the ******* girl! NOW!" As soon as I did this, he dropped on the floor onto his knees and waied me... Totally ******* embarrassing. I told him to get up again and walked them down the road until I saw a policeman. I explained what had happened and went back to finish my pasta. The staff in the restaurant said I was 'a good man' for helping the girl. My girlfriend thought I was awesome because I didn't run or break a sweat... 'Just like in the movies.' But she told me that she listened to the gossip from the bystanders watching the event. Apparently, the girl was a hooker, I was her customer, the Thai guy was her pimp and I'd refused to pay them. There must have been a couple of hundred people stopped and watching - 4pm on Sukhumvit Road? Came to a standstill while they invented a story that didn't fit the circumstances at all. Would I do it again? Absolutely. Every time. I once saw a gang beating four guys to death (probably) at Songkran in Chiang Mai. These poor fuckers were stripped naked and a gang of thugs were beating their bodies with long wooden sticks. They weren't even twitching anymore. It was right at the top of the moat at 9pm with 500 people watching from their cars and from the pavements. I was on my motorbike, saw it and rode on without stopping. It stayed with me for a long time. I still feel like I should have done something.
  4. Nope... You'd better go back to my post and see what I quoted... Or just go back to page 1 and see the rules of the game.
  5. I like the way this game is going.
  6. I might just go back and change the rules so that only I can win... (Next person to post will die before midnight on the same day... I have cursed this forum)
  7. Early in the morning before she wakes up and starts asking awkward questions... eg "Who are you and how did you get in here?"
  8. Everything is awesome in my life. Work is good. Got plenty of money. I'm healthy and still good looking enough to date hot girls if I want. I'm a bit worried that other people might get jealous of my champagne lifestyle. What's the best way to tell them to suck a bag of dicks without coming across as rude?
  9. Jeeeesus!! Not enough that you stood the poor girl up. You had to sleep with her too? What a douchebag!
  10. What a *****... I'd love to be 200 metres away from him on a still, clear day with no-one between him and my crosshairs.
  11. I think they should be taken away from all adults (within a 100 yards of my location).
  12. Exactly. And if that student had been allowed to own a chainsaw, he could have cut his feet off and swum to safety. (Apart from the fact he'd been shot dead first)
  13. OK... So let's choose a place with lots of doors so he doesn't know which one we are behind. How about HomePro?
  14. Let's make a welcome party for him and hide behind the door.
  15. Just to clarify a few points... 1) I didn't say the event was cancelled, I said Iain couldn't come and would pay for some drinks. 2) Iain has a bill here for some beers and three pitchers of Margaritas (he said two, but I punished him by adding an extra one). 3) I put out a case of San Miguel Light beers which were free. 4) I put out ten plates of food, which were also free. 5) I was also disappointed not to meet Iain, but **** happens and I saw some other cool people. I have no doubt I'll see the party-dodging jock another time. It's not the end of the world. 6) The reviews for CB's on TripAdvisor lately have been terrible - I think we're being targeted by a guy who went out of business a little further down the Soi (he made a habit out of writing fake reviews for his own place). If any reader ever had a good time at CB's and wants to earn Karma, feel free to write a few nice words about us. 7) The 'top five in Bangkok' was a website and someone's personal opinion, even I don't think we're the fifth best international restaurant in Bangkok and I'm biased as Hell. Good to see those who came. But I don't think we should make too big a deal about Iain's no-show. He probably feels worse about his absence than we do.
  16. I very much doubt she used the word 'extremely'. That would smack of extremism. I have a feeling she would term it 'quite', 'rather' or 'jolly'.
  17. I'm not convinced he told lies. I think he is an incompetent fool with little or no understanding of the economy. I think he was massively wrong and chose to hide stupidity with dishonesty.
  18. It's more urgent than that... What's going to happen next year? India and Vietnam carry on producing plenty. Global demand is matched by supply and where will they put the surplus in Thailand? The warehouses are already full from this year's cock up. Thais produce more than they consume. If they can't export it, store it or eat it... what the hell will they do with it? I can foresee a situation where the government is paying them not ‚Äčto grow rice!
  19. This was completely predictable... Cambodia sells rice at X baht per tonne. Thailand buys rice at more than X baht per tonne. Only a fool couldn't see that people would buy cheap rice in Cambodia and sell it to the stupidest government in Asia.
  20. Yep... that hole in the front of the helmet is to get my big nose through.
  21. The Time of the Month would be renamed, 'BJ, Anal or One of Your Friends Period'. In court, you could use the 'He Had It Coming' defence. Stalking would be considered 'admirable persistence'. 'Balloon ****', 'Hot But Crazy' and 'Complete Slut' would be acceptable phone nicknames. "I can't drink a lot tonight, 'cos I have to work in the morning. However, I'll do a couple of lines and an E with you guys." would be considered a sensible compromise. All girls would be bisexual. All lesbians would be attractive - no butch ones. Girls really WOULD get more attractive the more you drunk. Jeans, Tshirt and trainers would be acceptable wear... everywhere, all the time. There would be no brand named clothes. All cars would have two seats, a convertible roof, a rear engine, front wheel drive, 500+bhp and run on tapwater. GTA would be a reality TV show. All stereotypes would be allowed in all arguments as indisputable facts. Bra fasteners would be velcro... And so would all other fasteners on women's clothing. In fact, we'd be able to grab a fistful of shirt and rip off the whole outfit in one swift tug. All supermarket products would be labelled with the name only... Beer, Nuts, Cereal, Pizza, Cheese, Toilet Roll. Girls would have an approval rating tattooed on their arms. Homer Simpson would be considered a good role model. All music would be produced by people who spent at least two years sleeping on someone else's floor, earning only the money they could coax from passers-by with their music. Movies would be rated on body counts, swearing, sex scenes and offensiveness. Rom Coms would only be allowed if the smarmy, good-looking kid who gets the girl is murdered after filming.
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