kaunitz Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 She: I like Edward Cullen from 'Twilight' so much! I really would like to spend one night with him! He: He's a vampire and he's un-dead. And with no blood, it's impossible to get an erection! Phantasize about that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaunitz Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 Interview for an appointment as public servant: (I)nterviewer: Are you allergic against something? (A)pplicant: Yes, against coffee, so I don't drink it. I: Very good, that's some points on your list. Have you been serving in the military? A: Yes, I was stationed in Iraq for two years. I: Excellent, that's some more points. Did you suffer any injuries there? A: Yes, a landmine blew off both my testicles. I: For your application, that's perfect. You get the job and will start next Monday. Working hours are from 8am to 4pm. So you can arrive around 10am. A: I thought work starts at 8am? I: Yes but we are public service. The first two hours we are just drinking coffee and scratching our balls but for you, that's not possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 Interview for an appointment as public servant:(I)nterviewer: Are you allergic against something? (A)pplicant: Yes, against coffee, so I don't drink it. I: Very good, that's some points on your list. Have you been serving in the military? A: Yes, I was stationed in Iraq for two years. I: Excellent, that's some more points. Did you suffer any injuries there? A: Yes, a landmine blew off both my testicles. I: For your application, that's perfect. You get the job and will start next Monday. Working hours are from 8am to 4pm. So you can arrive around 10am. A: I thought work starts at 8am? I: Yes but we are public service. The first two hours we are just drinking coffee and scratching our balls but for you, that's not possible. a) It's not dirty It's not funny (please stick to the funny pics thread; you manage to do quite well in that) ; ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaunitz Posted October 19, 2011 Report Share Posted October 19, 2011 a) It's not dirty It's not funny (please stick to the funny pics thread; you manage to do quite well in that) ; ) Sometimes it's true that the translation of a joke kills the puchline! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted October 19, 2011 Report Share Posted October 19, 2011 Sometimes it's true that the translation of a joke kills the puchline! Sometimes it's just true that Austrian/German humour is an oxymoron... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaunitz Posted October 19, 2011 Report Share Posted October 19, 2011 Sometimes it's just true that Austrian/German humour is an oxymoron... That's exactly the topic where our whisky gobbling Scotchman has to burn his tongue at.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted October 19, 2011 Report Share Posted October 19, 2011 That's exactly the topic where our whisky gobbling Scotchman has to burn his tongue at.... a) In an apparent act of treason, I only drink whiskey, not whisky. It's Scotsman not Scotchman. c) Your comment made no sense (even without the errors) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted October 19, 2011 Report Share Posted October 19, 2011 This guy from over the road was talking to me earlier. "My wife's just told me she's been having an affair with Dave the milkman," he confided. "What? That fat ugly fucker I see every morning outside your house?" "Yes," he laughed, cheering up. "Why would Dave the milkman want to shag that?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaunitz Posted October 19, 2011 Report Share Posted October 19, 2011 a) In an apparent act of treason, I only drink whiskey, not whisky. It's Scotsman not Scotchman. c) Your comment made no sense (even without the errors) was not a mistake! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted October 19, 2011 Report Share Posted October 19, 2011 was not a mistake! Ah. Just ANOTHER example of failed teutonic humour then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaunitz Posted October 19, 2011 Report Share Posted October 19, 2011 Ah. Just ANOTHER example of failed teutonic humour then. Oh, oh! Where did the Teutons live and where is nowadays Austria? But maybe this is in revenge for the "Whisky", who knows... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterH61 Posted October 20, 2011 Report Share Posted October 20, 2011 What do David Beckham and a Rolex watch have in common? They both come in a Posh box Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CiaranM Posted October 20, 2011 Report Share Posted October 20, 2011 What do David Beckham and a Rolex watch have in common? They both come in a Posh box will NOT make any smart arsed comment about any TF member !!! :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted October 20, 2011 Report Share Posted October 20, 2011 Oh, oh! Where did the Teutons live and where is nowadays Austria? But maybe this is in revenge for the "Whisky", who knows... Teutonic or Teuton(s) may refer to: the Teutons Germanic peoples (dated), see Theodiscus Teutonic Mythology Germanic languages (dated) The Germanic peoples (also called Teutonic in older literature) are a historical ethno-linguistic group, originating in Northern Europe and identified by their use of the Indo-European Germanic languages, which diversified out of Common Germanic in the course of the Pre-Roman Iron Age. The descendants of these people contributed to ethnic groups in North Western Europe:Scandinavians (Danes, Swedes, Norwegians, Icelanders, and Faroe Islanders, but not Finns and Sami), Germans (including Austrians). Stick that in your schnitzel Herr Dummkopf! :lol:;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted October 20, 2011 Report Share Posted October 20, 2011 I saw Katie Price on the train track tying her shoelaces and shouted, "Look out behind you! There's a train coming!" But I was too late. The train, carrying 106 passengers, vanished up her minge and was never seen again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterH61 Posted October 20, 2011 Report Share Posted October 20, 2011 Paris Hilton and her new bf checked into a top LA hotel on a Friday night and weren't seen again until Monday morning - they gave a completely new meaning to the term "a weekend in Paris" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted October 20, 2011 Report Share Posted October 20, 2011 Finally, after decades of torture and oppression, one of the world's most disgusting and horrifying regimes has come to an end. The people of the world can once again sleep soundly in their beds. Westlife have split up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaunitz Posted October 20, 2011 Report Share Posted October 20, 2011 Germans (including Austrians). Germans and Austrians are same same - like Englishmen and Scotsmen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted October 20, 2011 Report Share Posted October 20, 2011 Germans and Austrians are same same - like Englishmen and Scotsmen Germans and Austrians are not THE SAME. I never said that. But you do both share lingual and genetic roots. (which we and the pansy sootherners generally do not) ; ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaunitz Posted October 20, 2011 Report Share Posted October 20, 2011 But you do both share .... genetic roots. Tell this to a Bavarian (from which tribe most of us Austrians derive from regarding the germanic roots) and he will make you swallow a liter of beer including the glass and maybe even his chair! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted October 20, 2011 Report Share Posted October 20, 2011 Tell this to a Bavarian (from which tribe most of us Austrians derive from regarding the germanic roots) and he will make you swallow a liter of beer including the glass and maybe even his chair! But the Bavarii were still a Germanic tribe, and their history really only goes back to middle ages time. And Bavarians tend to be all talk anyway... ; ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted October 21, 2011 Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 [TABLE=width: 100%] [TR] [TD]Sleeping with a Thai hooker is a bit like playing a round of golf. You're likely to come across a couple of balls that aren't yours.[/TD] [/TR] [/TABLE] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaunitz Posted October 21, 2011 Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted October 22, 2011 Report Share Posted October 22, 2011 [TABLE=width: 100%] [TR] [TD]My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now! I don't need you now!" Guess who had to put the batteries in.[/TD] [/TR] [/TABLE] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaunitz Posted November 8, 2011 Report Share Posted November 8, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.