SoBeIt Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 My **** is so big; that when I fly, it has to take the train. My **** is so big; FedEx won’t insure it. My **** is so big; it was impeached by Congress. My **** is so big; it’s got its own gang sign. My **** is so big; it could eat a horse. My **** is so big; Florida had to measure it twice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GAV Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 How are women and tornadoes alike?They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave. OMG Kunny, that is so 1960's :blaugh: :blaugh: :blaugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 I had a woman round mine last night, and she said "I'm gonna be your slave tonight, I'll give you three wishes to do what ever you want". I replied, "Make me a sandwich, turn the playstation on and shut the **** up". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Am feeling a bit bad about next week's Steak & Blowjob Day. Feel there really ought to be a Kit Kat and a Wank Day on the calendar so the gingers don't miss out. :twisted: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
English_Bob Posted March 4, 2010 Report Share Posted March 4, 2010 balls, ****, pooh, wee, toss, nipples, ass, cream, lube, bite, taint, knob, puff, queer, dyke, bugger, air biscuit, arse grapes, *****, blowjob, turd, bollocks, boner, bullshit, knob cheese, buttplug, camel toe, clit, furry cup, *****, slut, dildo, fart, ****, bender, kiddie fiddler, ***, fellatio, oral sex, anal sex, feltch, fudgepacker, turtle's head, gaylord, knockers, funbags, jelly mounds, hard-on, hump, handjob, jugs, rug muncher, jizz, fanny, cunnifungus, bell-end, jism, lesbian, minge, muff, ****, shag, ****, anus, arse, muffdiver, nutsack, glory hole, otter's pocket, pee, piss, poonani, wank, cum, cock, boobs, bums, prick, *****, quim, cabbage gas, trim, roger, rim, schlong, pole, mutton dagger, ****, scrotum, ******, axe wound, testicle, ****, willy, *****, penis, BJ, facial, pop-shot, DP, hairy platter and a five-knuckle-shuffle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iBatch Posted March 4, 2010 Report Share Posted March 4, 2010 balls, ****, pooh, wee, toss, nipples, a*s, cream, lube, bite, taint, knob, puff, queer, dyke, bugger, air biscuit, arse grapes, b*tch, blowjob, turd, bollocks, boner, bullshit, knob cheese, buttplug, camel toe, clit, furry cup, c*nt, slut, dildo, fart, f*ck, bender, kiddie fiddler, f*g, fellatio, oral sex, anal sex, feltch, fudgepacker, turtle's head, gaylord, knockers, funbags, jelly mounds, hard-on, hump, handjob, jugs, rug muncher, jizz, fanny, cunnifungus, bell-end, jism, lesbian, minge, muff, d*ck, shag, f*ck, anus, arse, muffdiver, nutsack, glory hole, otter's pocket, pee, piss, poonani, wank, cum, cock, boobs, bums, prick, p*ssy, quim, cabbage gas, trim, roger, rim, schlong, pole, mutton dagger, sh*t, scrotum, ******, axe wound, testicle, ****, willy, *****, penis, BJ, facial, pop-shot, DP, hairy platter and a five-knuckle-shuffle. Finally, ya come out of the closet. Me always love ya white knob long time.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoBeIt Posted March 4, 2010 Report Share Posted March 4, 2010 My **** is so big; it has its own zip code. My **** is so big; it sank the Titanic. My **** is so big; it’s the opening act for KISS’s farewell tour. My **** is so big; the great wall of China is just a guide rail for me to tour the country. My **** is so big; Saddam was found hiding in it. My **** is so big; it makes the Grand Canyon scream “NOOOOOOOOO!!!!†My **** is so big; the government is suing it for anti-trust violations. My **** is so big; if I were a porn star, I could only make movies in Widescreen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olympos Posted March 4, 2010 Report Share Posted March 4, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iBatch Posted March 4, 2010 Report Share Posted March 4, 2010 Q. WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A WIFE AND A JOB? A. AFTER TEN YEARS A JOB STILL SUCKS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted March 4, 2010 Report Share Posted March 4, 2010 I'm a woman, and I'm tired of you all claiming that men are smarter than women. My husband has finally proven you all wrong. He texted me just before - "Jane my little blonde bunny I cannot wait to have a night of loving tonight! Hope you're ready for the best sex you've ever had . xxx" What an idiot. First of all, my name is Sarah, secondly I'm brunette, and thirdly he's away at a conference tonight! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin_2 Posted March 4, 2010 Report Share Posted March 4, 2010 I'm a woman, and I'm tired of you all claiming that men are smarter than women.My husband has finally proven you all wrong. He texted me just before - "Jane my little blonde bunny I cannot wait to have a night of loving tonight! Hope you're ready for the best sex you've ever had . xxx" What an idiot. First of all, my name is Sarah, secondly I'm brunette, and thirdly he's away at a conference tonight! Good to see Iain back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted March 4, 2010 Report Share Posted March 4, 2010 I'm a woman, and I'm tired of you all claiming that men are smarter than women.My husband has finally proven you all wrong. He texted me just before - "Jane my little blonde bunny I cannot wait to have a night of loving tonight! Hope you're ready for the best sex you've ever had . xxx" What an idiot. First of all, my name is Sarah, secondly I'm brunette, and thirdly he's away at a conference tonight! Good to see Iain back. :? :? why? where have I been? :roll: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortyg Posted March 4, 2010 Report Share Posted March 4, 2010 not dirty but My mates wife left him on Thursday. She said she was going for a pint of milk, and hes not seen her since. I asked 'how are you coping?' He said, 'Not too bad, been using that powdered stuff!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortyg Posted March 4, 2010 Report Share Posted March 4, 2010 A blind man goes to see a prostitute. On feeling her pimply face, he recoils in horror. Feeling hurt she says to him, 'its only a bit of acne'. 'Thank f**k for that!' he replies, 'I thought it was the fing price list!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted March 4, 2010 Report Share Posted March 4, 2010 Trains are like women: They're never on time, you are always told to ignore the exterior (even if the interior smells awful), it costs too much to ride, and sometimes, you suck it up,wait out the trip, only to find the damn train is taking you no where near where you want to be. :roll: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortyg Posted March 5, 2010 Report Share Posted March 5, 2010 After a visit to a whorehouse, a man notices a green lump on his willy so he goes to the doctors. "Thats serious" says doc. "You know how rugby players get cauliflower ear?" "Yes!" says the man nervously. "Well" says doc, "You've got a brothel sprout!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted March 5, 2010 Report Share Posted March 5, 2010 My mate wanked him self to death. Well he should have had both hands on the wheel... :twisted: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted March 5, 2010 Report Share Posted March 5, 2010 TF doesn't do beer - but if they did, it'd probably have rohypnol in it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
English_Bob Posted March 10, 2010 Report Share Posted March 10, 2010 A 45 year old accountant gets busted for embezzlement and sentenced to 7 years in prison. On his first day inside, he gets shown to his cell.... inside is a huge black guy with an evil glint in his eye. Once the wardens leave them alone, the black guy says to the accountant... "We're gonna play Mommies and Daddies... Do you wanna be the husband... or the wife?" The accountant gulps nervously and says... "Well, I'm not keen on being either really... But if I have to choose, I suppose I'd rather be the husband." The black guy nods and says... "OK......now get over here and suck your wife's cock." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted March 10, 2010 Report Share Posted March 10, 2010 BBC News: Russian family 'jumped to deaths' from Glasgow flats after being refused asylum. How bad has your life got to be if you commit suicide because you're not allowed to continue living in a tower block in Glasgow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted March 10, 2010 Report Share Posted March 10, 2010 Susan Boyle reminds me of computers. Whenever I see her, my cock goes Microsoft. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funky_house Posted March 10, 2010 Report Share Posted March 10, 2010 An elderly man and woman, both in their 70's, walk into a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?' The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice, that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.' He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them 50 pounds, and says good bye. A week later the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?' The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges 98 pounds. The Hilton charges 139 pounds. We do it here for 50 pounds, and I get 43 back from BUPA.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted March 10, 2010 Report Share Posted March 10, 2010 A man was admitted to hospital today with a toy horse lodged up his arse. Doctors have described his condition as stable Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geee Posted March 11, 2010 Report Share Posted March 11, 2010 A man was admitted to hospital today with a toy horse lodged up his arse. Doctors have described his condition as stable 5555555555555555 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iBatch Posted March 11, 2010 Report Share Posted March 11, 2010 What Does F*ck Mean There was this kid that always got picked on at school. Everyday his friends and kids that went to school always said to him f**k you. Well the dumb kid always was curious about what the word f**k means. One day he got real sad and wanted to know what it meant, so he ran home and rushed in the house screaming out for his father. He yelled "pah" and then his pa came out and asked what the hell you want boy? The boy said "pah" what does f**k mean. And then his pah said son I think its time you knew what f**k means. Pah then yelled out "mah" get down here, son wants to know what f**k means. Mah comes down stairs, pah says mah take off your clothes and get in your position. He turns to his son and says, son you see that pink spot on mah."uh huh" watch your pah go to work. Then the boy’s sister came in the door and says what are they doin? The boy turns his head and with a smile he says they are f*cking. Sister says what does f**k mean. WELL YOU SEE THAT BROWN SPOT ON PAH "uh huh" WATCH YOUR BROTHER GO TO WORK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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