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Have Been Here Too Long

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When you're very late for an appointment and you don't blame it on anything!

When you sign a contract that you know isn't worth the paper its written on.

When you know that asking the police to do anything other than take bribes is just a waste of time.

When True Vision say they'll call you back or fix the problem in the next 24 hours, you already know its going to take 10 days but don't bother arguing.

When you've stopped getting angry at people telling you ''you don't understand because you're not Thai''.

When you fully accept your maid robs from you.

When you laugh at every story in the news paper good or bad.

When you can get into a taxi at the airport, say only your destination and get there with no hassles, because you've just given them the ''don't **** around with me I've just got off a 16 hour flight, take me to my home'' face.

When the Gay guys and the Ladyboys in Central Chidlom 1st floor give up slutting on you.

When you get bored of hearing your friends telling you ''Shes a good girl'' or ''shes from a good family'' or ''shes educated''..... **** off with the justifications already, I couldn't care what she is, I'm not the one shagging her.

When someone would have to pay you $200 bucks to get you to go to Khao Sarn Road for a night out.

When you know its just easier to fly there.

When the UBC cuts out in the middle of the World Cup final penalty shoot out, you don't even raise and eyebrow.

When you stop stopping the girl at 7-11 putting the plastic bin liners that are already in a plastic back into another smaller plastic bag then into another larger plastic bag in your vain effort to save the planet.

When you feel safer having the army on the streets with M-16s than the police on the streets.

When you go to the hospital and stop the Dr from giving you a stupid amount of un-needed medication and other **** just so he can bump the bill up.

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You think it’s normal to have a beer at 9:00 a.m.

You begin to enjoy Thai TV programs.

You look four ways before crossing a one way street.

You realize that ALL your problems are caused by Thai girls or cranky ATMs.

You put salt and chilli on your fruit

A Thai cop stops you for a minor infraction and you automatically reach for your wallet.

You think that a Honda Civic is a prestigious car.

All your tee-shirts are emblazoned with the name of some bar.

You can’t remember the last time you wore a suit and tie.

You think a polo shirt and jeans are formal attire.

Someone tells you that watching Thai politics is like watching two chameleons making love and you understand the analogy.

You aren’t upset when the bar girl next to you eats beetles as a snack.

Later the same night, you actually kiss the bar girl who earlier dined on the beetles.

You haven’t had a solid stool for five years.

You wake up in the morning and realize that you have nowhere to go and all day to get there.

You think white wine goes well with Som Tam.

You understand when your Thai wife says, ‘My friend you’ or ‘Same, same, but different.’

A Thai bar girl you’ve just met tells you that her mother is deathly ill and you just laugh and walk away.

You realize that your Thai wife’s loyalties belong to

1. Her parents.

2. Her brats from a previous marriage to a Thai scoundrel who deserted her.

3. Any remaining blood relatives.

4. The family buffalo.

5. The family’s goldfish.

6. You.

The Thai Navy buys a new submarine and you’re not surprised when the first thing they do is remove the mufflers and hang a garland from the rear view mirror.

You consider you mobile phone a fashion accessory.

You start wearing slippers everywhere

You start driving cars barefeet

You no longer enjoy Songkran. Instead, you stay home with a stack of videotapes.

You become an expert on buying and selling gold jewellery

Dogs become animals you'd rather kick than pet.

When driving a car you'll start using every free inch of the road.

You flash your 4 indicator lights when driving straight on at an intersection.

It’s two days before payday, so you only go to bars with balloons strung outside.

You realize that all the important words in Thai begin with the letter ‘S’. Sanuk (Fun), Saduak (convenient), Sabai (comfortable), Suay pretty).

You believe that buying a gold chain is an acceptable courtship ritual, or at least a form of foreplay.

You think a calendar more useful than a watch.

You go to a Thai Boxing match and a soccer game breaks out.

You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus.

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