Hazel Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Dear TFers, I really need your advice big-time on this cos the meal is just within this week. Ok, here it goes: I am in Farangland and has just got to know a farang guy (from real life, not online) through an acquaintance. I have never gone out with him before although he has driven me home on a couple of occasions cos we happen to be at the same place (not hanging out together but I don't want say more details in case it becomes too obvious and he happens to be a TFer lol), it was late during those occasions and we live in neighbouring suburbs. Recently, he tried asking me out for a meal and the first time I could not make it and turned him down. Then more recently, he asked me to meet for a meal again and I thought, why not and replied in the positive. Then he replied and asked me how it would be for me if he is going to cook and we have a meal at his place. Now, I have been to his place once and I stayed very briefly only. And it was cos we were on the way to sending me home (during the occasions I mentioned above) and he said he wanted to show me his creation. My main concern right now is: Is it the norm for males in Farangland to invite a female (and only her) to his house for dinner on the first date? If it's back home in my Asian hometown, I will say it is rather strange and uncomfortable cos the two people do not know each other very well yet and it's the first time they are fixing a date to meet (plus also first time meeting alone without others). In my culture, in such a situation, people usually meet up in a public place even if they have known each other already from another occasion. Moreover, I don't want to give the wrong impression that I am considering to be his GF by going to his house so quickly for dinner on a first date cos in my culture, if a female goes alone to a male's house for dinner, it usually means she is interested. But we barely know each other and when I agreed to the meal, I thought it will be just a normal meal outing! HELP!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teddy Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 My main concern right now is: Our main concern is: Who is he? Name him dammit. I'm betting Carz or Dave40. lol Anyway, yes it is kinda normal for a dinner at his place for a first date. Although usually it's a second or third. Just keep an eye out for handcuffs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hazel Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Our main concern is: Who is he? Name him dammit.I'm betting Carz or Dave40. lol Anyway, yes it is kinda normal for a dinner at his place for a first date. Although usually it's a second or third. Just keep an eye out for handcuffs. LOL, it's neither of them ka... It's not a TFer (I hope!) But when you say it's normal yet later say "usually the 2nd or 3rd", it is somewhat contradictory ka And will he get any wrong meaning or it's really so normal to do so? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
English_Bob Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Hmm I think the cooking thing is a way to show off a bit that he can cook. However, I think the first date should always be on neutral territory - restaurant, coffee shop. Stuff like this shouldn't worry you too much. The guy wants to make a good impression, so tell him straight, 'I'd feel more comfortable meeting in ............... until I know you better. I'm sure you understand.' If he doesn't understand, it's better to know now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hazel Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Thanks lots Dave, I think your advice makes lots of sense, especially the last sentence. I will also use the 'I'd feel more comfortable meeting in ............... until I know you better. I'm sure you understand.' thingy when I next talk to him about the meal. Thanks big-time!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exploring Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 (edited) First, can you tell where is "farangland"? and what is " my culture" ? It will help a bit. If you are interested in knowing him, go for it. I assumed that you are mature woman so is he. Once you go to his place, now it is all up to you both whether finish with dinner or somthing else. However, nowadays I think we don't percieve to be BF and GF after serveral dinners and or datings as long as there is no serious conversation regarding their status yet. Be smart, use your heart and brain equally so you will know whether he is a player or genuine guy who is interested in developing the relationship with you. I will give you an example. In farangland, you will find lots of women and men having children with ones who are not their BF, GF or Ex. If you asked you will probably know the word " friend with benefits". Being in a relationship, you have to invest your emotion too and that is not easy. Please enjoy getting to know someone new, you will have a great time . Edited June 7, 2011 by Exploring Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
English_Bob Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 I assumed that you are mature woman so is he. Oh... he's a mature woman? That's a whole other story. My advice was purely from a safety point of view. Going to a relatively unknown person's house is risky. I wouldn't be offended if a girl asked to meet me in a neutral place. Hazel 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hazel Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Appreciate your response, Exploring. I'm not interested in being friends with benefits Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Agree with Dave totally. First date (or three) should be on neutral territory. If there is a relationship from this, then he has loads of time to show off his Gordon Ramsay skills (sans profanity) : ) Hazel 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exploring Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Oh... he's a mature woman? That's a whole other story.My advice was purely from a safety point of view. Going to a relatively unknown person's house is risky. I wouldn't be offended if a girl asked to meet me in a neutral place. I hope he is not a mature " woman". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hazel Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 then he has loads of time to show off his Gordon Ramsay skills (sans profanity) : ) sans profanity... well-said hahahaha :D PS: Thanks Stramash for your response... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exploring Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Appreciate your response, Exploring. I'm not interested in being friends with benefits It is your choice. I am sure that you can make up your mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigKus Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 (edited) I like the place that I can lay back and relax not all the time sit stiff still at the table, so I will take his invitation .. he he.., You have met in person and he is a neighbor and even gave you a lift back home before already. Dont be afraid, if you take his friendship to you friendly I think he would know and do the same. (Oh.. didnt read Exporing comment below before post mine, we have similar view ) Edited June 7, 2011 by bigKus adding Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exploring Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 I like the place that I can lay back and relax not all the time sit stiff still at the table, so I will take his invitation .. he he.., You have met in person and he is a neighbor and even gave you a lift back home before already. Dont be afraid, if you take his friendship to you friendly I think he would know and do the same.(Oh.. didnt read Exporing comment below before post mine, we have similar view ) I loveeeeee risk- taking women. It is sexy to me. Oh wait, I am straight........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hazel Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Thanks gals... But I already let him know already keke ^^ Sorry, I'm not a sexy risk-taking babe! =P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DANNO Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Appreciate your response, Exploring. I'm not interested in being friends with benefits me either!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hazel Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 me either!!! Is this some kind of double-meaning in disguise of "me neither'???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaunitz Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Well, knowing which "farangland" it is really would help as - listen, look and learn - there are also different cultures within the long-nosed society, especially when it comes to invitations/dates. And additionally, if you happen to be on the islands off France and Netherlands that used to be the center of an empire once, better go for an Indian or Chinese restaurant as our British friends are not really known neither for their cooking skills nor for their sense of which ingredients go together :twisted:. After all, there also is your personal judgement. I mean, you have met the guy before, he has driven you home, so you should have a first impression and an overall feeling about what kind of person he is. Generally, in Europe it is much less problematic (from a moral standpoint) to have a first date at the home of one of the involved than in Thailand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hazel Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 (edited) Erm, it's in Australia... And ya, I guess there is the part of my pesonal feelings about the guy through first few (albeit brief) impressions, which are hard to describe here... Edited June 7, 2011 by Hazel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 better go for an Indian or Chinese restaurant as our British friends are not really known neither for their cooking skills nor for their sense of which ingredients go together Outdated view and utterly wrong... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaunitz Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Erm, it's in Australia... And ya, I guess there is the part of my pesonal feelings about the guy through first few (albeit brief) impressions, which are hard to describe here... Well, I can't tell much about Aussies, but he should be able to produce a decent kangaroo steak! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaunitz Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 (edited) Outdated view and utterly wrong... This is what a Scotsman says? A friend of mine once brought it to the point: "He who is born on the British Islands, naturally and justifyably is deprived of the otherwise applicable human right to complain about food" :twisted: Well, my last experiences are from the 90's, but still.... Edited June 7, 2011 by kaunitz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 This is what a Scotsman says? Yup, and again, I'm right. Would you like me to post the menus from 2 or 3 of the michelin starred restaurants close to me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaunitz Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Yup, and again, I'm right.Would you like me to post the menus from 2 or 3 of the michelin starred restaurants close to me? Well, the menu you can't eat I'm not talking about the few places where one of the gifted ones who after 20 years of hard studies in France or Austria finally got the clue how to proceed food in a pleasant way is now making a hell of a lot of money but about the average home kitchen, where oil is in the pan for weeks and where french fries, toast, eggs, sausages and tomatoes are fried alike. Where people start sobbing in joy when they get hold of a pack of vinegar-flavoured potato chips and where people with intact taste buds can live only on fish'n'chips (they, by the way, are really something excellent!) And for that, as I could not see improvement between 1979 and the mid-90's, I'm not too enthusiastic for 2011! And for f*cks sake, let me live on my prejudices I fostered for so long, will you??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Well, the menu you can't eat I'm not talking about the few places where one of the gifted ones who after 20 years of hard studies in France or Austria finally got the clue how to proceed food in a pleasant way is now making a hell of a lot of money but about the average home kitchen, where oil is in the pan for weeks and where french fries, toast, eggs, sausages and tomatoes are fried alike. Where people start sobbing in joy when they get hold of a pack of vinegar-flavoured potato chips and where people with intact taste buds can live only on fish'n'chips (they, by the way, are really something excellent!) And for that, as I could not see improvement between 1979 and the mid-90's, I'm not too enthusiastic for 2011! And for f*cks sake, let me live on my prejudices I fostered for so long, will you??? Why the **** would anyone study cooking in Austria? You only have two dishes; schnitzel and strudel! And you force all your customers to sing dittys from 'The Sound of Music' while they eat! The only thing the Austrians ever gave the world was...em...well...oh yes! Red Bull! Oh no; wait. You stole that from Thailand. What else is there? Oh wait, there's Ad...oh no, let's not go there shall we? We've been trying to close that can of worms for 66 years. Well, if to paraphrase Sybil, we shouldn't talk about that war, how about the one before that? Yes! That's politically acceptable! Ok, we can agree! Thank you very much Austria for World War One, schnitzel, strudel and the Sound of Music! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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