If men ruled the world...

[Stramash]

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out or break in play

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the sports team of your choice.

The funniest guy in the office would get to be boss.

"Sorry I'm late, but I got hammered last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car.

It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

Two words: ALLY MCNAKED.

Justin Bieber would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

The only show opposite the big game would be the big game from a Different Camera Angle.

It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

Every man would get four real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per year.

When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:

Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"

You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."

Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

Taps would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."

People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.

Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

Edited July 14, 2012 by Stramash

[whitelotus]

Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

Idiot things which no gals can accept

[English_Bob]

The Time of the Month would be renamed, 'BJ, Anal or One of Your Friends Period'.

In court, you could use the 'He Had It Coming' defence.

Stalking would be considered 'admirable persistence'.

'Balloon ****', 'Hot But Crazy' and 'Complete Slut' would be acceptable phone nicknames.

"I can't drink a lot tonight, 'cos I have to work in the morning. However, I'll do a couple of lines and an E with you guys." would be considered a sensible compromise.

All girls would be bisexual.

All lesbians would be attractive - no butch ones.

Girls really WOULD get more attractive the more you drunk.

Jeans, Tshirt and trainers would be acceptable wear... everywhere, all the time.

There would be no brand named clothes.

All cars would have two seats, a convertible roof, a rear engine, front wheel drive, 500+bhp and run on tapwater.

GTA would be a reality TV show.

All stereotypes would be allowed in all arguments as indisputable facts.

Bra fasteners would be velcro... And so would all other fasteners on women's clothing. In fact, we'd be able to grab a fistful of shirt and rip off the whole outfit in one swift tug.

All supermarket products would be labelled with the name only... Beer, Nuts, Cereal, Pizza, Cheese, Toilet Roll.

Girls would have an approval rating tattooed on their arms.

Homer Simpson would be considered a good role model.

All music would be produced by people who spent at least two years sleeping on someone else's floor, earning only the money they could coax from passers-by with their music.

Movies would be rated on body counts, swearing, sex scenes and offensiveness. Rom Coms would only be allowed if the smarmy, good-looking kid who gets the girl is murdered after filming.

[CiaranM]

Homer Simpson would be considered a good role model.

he already is !!!