whitelotus Posted August 11, 2012 Report Share Posted August 11, 2012 any ideas??????????????????????????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted August 11, 2012 Report Share Posted August 11, 2012 I would take some time to reflect on why they are dead to you; what mistakes you have made, what lies you have told. How you have acted to make them like that and how in future you could change your approach and attitude so it does not happen again... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitelotus Posted August 11, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 11, 2012 I would take some time to reflect on why they are dead to you; what mistakes you have made, what lies you have told. How you have acted to make them like that and how in future you could change your approach and attitude so it does not happen again... he is dead as i want him to die, he made me infamous but i forgave but then he refuse me, for this time, i could not forgive anymore so i cut contact. FYI, he is super cold blood and good actor . I don't think it was my fault(never lie,alwAYS nice to him ) but it was because of his nature!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so how can i avoid and not to let this kind of ppl come to play with my feeling again? how can i permanently delete him from my heart without any missing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted August 11, 2012 Report Share Posted August 11, 2012 he is dead as i want him to die, he made me infamous but i forgave but then he refuse me, for this time, i could not forgive anymore so i cut contact. FYI, he is super cold blood and good actor . I don't think it was my fault(never lie,alwAYS nice to him ) but it was because of his nature!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!so how can i avoid and not to let this kind of ppl come to play with my feeling again? how can i permanently delete him from my heart without any missing? Still think you need to take a long, hard, critical look at yourself. It seems you cannot see your own faults or indeed recognise mistakes and lies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortyg Posted August 11, 2012 Report Share Posted August 11, 2012 how can i permanently delete him from my heart without any missing? Sometimes it is the people who treat us bad who stay in our hearts, I think this could be because when they hurt us they cause so much emotion. The only thing is time to heal this, one day you won't even have him in your memory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaunitz Posted August 17, 2012 Report Share Posted August 17, 2012 Still think you need to take a long, hard, critical look at yourself. It seems you cannot see your own faults or indeed recognise mistakes and lies. Sometimes it is better to talk against a wall, because there will be at least an echo..... Those not able to see and/or admit their faults are a big pain in the area just below the back because they are not receptive to any advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted August 17, 2012 Report Share Posted August 17, 2012 Sometimes it is better to talk against a wall, because there will be at least an echo..... Those not able to see and/or admit their faults are a big pain in the area just below the back because they are not receptive to any advice. ok, who are you and what have you done with Kaunitz? Invasion of the Body Snatchers moment here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaunitz Posted August 17, 2012 Report Share Posted August 17, 2012 ok, who are you and what have you done with Kaunitz? Invasion of the Body Snatchers moment here Don't lean out of the window, otherwise I will tell you a joke! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted August 17, 2012 Report Share Posted August 17, 2012 Don't lean out of the window, otherwise I will tell you a joke! You had to go and spoil the moment... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jos_38 Posted August 18, 2012 Report Share Posted August 18, 2012 any ideas??????????????????????????? I have been on both sides of the table... I had one girl that I missed terrible, I didn't know that I was being wrong in our relationship - talk about different cultures (man and woman - same birth country)... But what I did was I contacted her, by snailmail it was way before even mobilephones... She didn't reply right away, actually time passed almost 2 years... Then I got a letter saying that she was still mad at me, but that she wanted to meet with me... In the time untill we met, I spend many lonely hours speculating on WHAT I did wrong, to make her mad... Because in my mind that would be : "Nothing"... And yet I remembered small things she said, and did... And on the day we met I had my most positive mind, I was happy that she let me into her life again, I was happy to just be there in a moment looking in her eyes, seing her smiles... And she WAS smiling... We talked and one thing I had learned in the almost 3 years apart (I studied to be a nurse in those days) was NLP - I think we didn't call it NLP then, but to be an "active listener"... So mostly I asked her to describe to me what I did to make her feel that much anger, and I listend and I learned, but I did not excuse my behavior, as it was not wrong... only stupid... and what ever I would say (apart from : I understand why You felt as You did, and I will try hard in my life not to repeat that kind of behaviour) would not heal any wound... This is almost 30 years ago and I believe she is still among my very very best friends, but we never got back to bf/gf - But I had met another girl, already had one kid, she shortly after got pregnant and today she is still married with her then boyfriend... And today she has 2 grownup kids... ------------ / change of scene to after I divorced from a 21 year long marriage / --------------- I met a woman on a datingsite, she seemed like the perfect match, so we decided to meet... Then we met a couple of times, I thought she was funny to be with, and lightheaded... And she liked my (more dry) sense of humour... So we got together. I was at that time working in Sweden and Latvia so monday morning I would board a plane to either Stockholm or Riga, and I would return thursday evening... We send sms about what we were doing right now, and small loving words... Upon my returning back to Denmark, we ofcause got together and then she started to say "I want to see Your phone, let me read Your emails, let me see You computer, I think that You have been with another woman, and not even out of the country"... One of her kids had a birthday comming up, so she said, I invited this extremely beautiful friend I have and her kid too, and then I just KNOW You will fall in love with her not me, she is very very like a model... Well I replied, I don't think "looks" alone qualify for that, and right now I am in love with You... Then I met her model friend, yes she was cute, but in my honest view not very very beautiful, and very shallow too... Like the stereotype of a cheerleader "big boobs not a lot of brain"... But that was the day the real nightmare started, my gf wanted to look at my phone and email at any time of the day (and night) because she just KNEW that I was being unfaithful with her best friend, she told her best friend (the model) to NEVER EVER enter her world again, I tried to kind of joke with it, that was not very popular... I asked : did You find anything on my phone or email ? bringing suspicion ? No I did not... Are You happy now then, not finding anything ? Yes sorry sorry, I just have these thoughts... Well... I added... How do You know that I did not already delete any content that would compromise me ? After another week like that, I just forgot to return to her home... The story do not end here, in her constant trying to get me back and to let me understand how she felt, she sent me 23,000+ sms 800+ emails and an uncounted amount of internal messages, guestbook messages, profile "comments" from 2 different profiles on that datingsite where we met... I started by replying, but it was in vain, she did not at all read or try to understand what I told her back, so I just stopped... That is many many years ago now... Around one year ago I got a "friend" request on facebook from her, I answered "yes" to become friend, and then it all started over again... Some peoples just don't let go... I had to remove her again from my facebook world as she was quite disturbing, 7-8 years had passed, but she seemed to have not moved at all... .That was my 2 sides of a "miss too much" story... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitelotus Posted August 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 18, 2012 (edited) jos, thx 4 your sharing, for me after many years ,i did the same as your latest ex did for not let the guys got out of my life. But it's worthless as i learn that yesterday guy and today guy is different person, so the guy i loved yesterday was not a guy who hurt me today. but for my lastest one( who make me missed for the first moment when i cut connection with him) is different. In this time, i confess that it's my fault to forgive him for sth and started interaction with him. If i could return to the beginning, i sware i won't get back to him after suffering from what he did to me in last year. The things i missed is the long and good interactions between him and me but right now i just realize that if i want myself to feel better , just get over it and move on. So, the last message sentence i sent to him last night was " i am done with u". From now on, i wanna end this thread story and let the guy get out off my life cause HE IS NOT THE GUY I LIKED ANYMORE" FYI. u may read from other thread he posted that i lied to him by accept to be JUST HIS FRIEND, for my side, it was a half wrong as the day i said that words and the day i realize my feeling was not the same day Edited August 18, 2012 by whitelotus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jos_38 Posted August 18, 2012 Report Share Posted August 18, 2012 The things i missed is the long and good interactions between him and me but right now i just realize that if i want myself to feel better , just get over it and move on. So, the last message sentence i sent to him last night was " i am done with u". From now on, i wanna end this thread story and let the guy get out off my life cause HE IS NOT THE GUY I LIKED ANYMORE" If life only was that simple, but rarely it is... What You should do is not try to convince Yourself of false feelings, but learn to like Yourself and the feelings You have, You can let time heal the wounds, not brainpower... But You have to realize that what was is not anymore, and what was will not come back, and anyway, scolding peoples very rarely get them back in a fully confident state anyway... FYI. u may read from other thread he posted that i lied to him by accept to be JUST HIS FRIEND, for my side, it was a half wrong as the day i said that words and the day i realize my feeling was not the same day What I read in this site is 2 different opinions, 2 different stories about parts and pieces of a far greater puzzle, I am an old guy as I have been stating many places already, and my life has been a great teacher I listen to what peoples say, and lay down the pieces of the puzzle I get but I never pretend to see or even know what the full image looks like... . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaunitz Posted August 18, 2012 Report Share Posted August 18, 2012 Well, my two cents is that we will read (or refuse to do so) several more of these threads. Dead should be dead. Six feet under. No noise. No smell. But here, the topic gets unearthed again and again! Zombie-like.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 Well, my two cents is that we will read (or refuse to do so) several more of these threads.Dead should be dead. Six feet under. No noise. No smell. But here, the topic gets unearthed again and again! Zombie-like.... nuff said... [ATTACH=CONFIG]119445[/ATTACH] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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