Arlen_Bales Posted April 26, 2013 Report Share Posted April 26, 2013 Hello, Before I begin, i just want to say that i do not usually post in forums (so sorry if this is longer than normal), and until about 10 minutes ago, i didnt know this specific forum existed. But i signed up in hopes that those of you who are reading this may have some insight into my situation, where i am completely lost...mainly because of what i suspect is a cultural difference... a bit about myself...I am japanese american, 29, and for the sake of being detailed, i have been told i am a very handsome guy (especially by asian standards). I am engaged to an amazing Chinese american woman who is almost perfect for me. I say almost, because things have been somewhat 'stale' lately and against all of my morals and self-control i decided to visit a massage parlor down the street. I totally understand how horrible, disrespectful, and just plain rude this sounds to some, but please do not focus on this as it is not my main point of concern at this time. I am dealing with that specific issue in my own ways, but would like to turn to you for insight on the following: I had heard that this parlor has many young and beautiful therapists. I can honestly say that when i first went there, i had no truly sexual intentions of any kind. (I think i just missed the warm touch of a woman?) Anyway, i walk in and am greeted by quite possibly the most beautiful asian woman i have ever seen. Truly gorgeous. I asked for an hour massage. Im not going to get into all the details, but basically i extended my time halfway through, and ended up making out with her. (yes, thats all) Afterwards, she seemed VERY flustered, saying she had never done that before. (OK, if you say so right?) Before leaving she told me that starting the following week, she was going to be working everyday, and to come back anytime. We talk a bit more and its revealed that we are both seeing someone, but she didnt seem to make a big deal about it. This was a thursday. The following tuesday, I call and make an appointment for thursday around 530-6 with the same provider. She calls me about 5 thursday afternoon and asks what time specifically i will arrive because she has another client and 'wanted to make sure she fits me in' I tell her im on my way and she just says ok, see you soon. I guess she told the guy to take a hike, because she was ready and waiting when i arrived 15 minutes later. The session is great, more kissing and cuddling, and afterwards, i go with her to have a cigarette out back and she gives me her number. We talk more and i tell her that i am actually engaged, and even though she didnt ask, i felt compelled to explain to her why im doing what im doing...no apparent reaction either way...just an 'oh, well thats something that you guys can work on'..then change the topic As i leave, she tells me again, come back, next time no charge... I text her over the weekend flirting with her the whole time and make plans to see her for a 2 hour session tuesday afternoon...she books the "big" room and when i arrive, all of her friends/co-workers are teasing her and telling her all the silly pillow talk japanese words they know (even though they are all thai, they know these words...) Things get a little more serious this session, and as much as shes into it, shes also very cautious and nervous about being caught...but things happen, and afterwards as we talk, i learn that she is virtually the owner of the spa (its her family's, but she is in charge of it)...AS i leave i try to pay her jsut the house fees (i feel bad that shes loosing money because of me) and she refuses...I text her later just to say hi, and shes ecstatic. She admits that shes crazy about me, and all her friends (even her mom) already know about me, and they all refer to me as her 'gik'... Until that night, i had NEVER heard the phrase 'gik'. I know what a F-buddy is, i know what friends with benefits are, i know what a mistress is, as well as an affair. But from what i understand, a 'Gik' is all of this, but without the drama. I read somewhere that a gik is a person with which you have a mutual understanding that there is no real future...but you will enjoy each other's company anyway, and if things get wierd, or heavy then we talk and its over... So things continue like this for the next 2 weeks, daily texting back and forth, setting up sessions, and her moving/ignoring her customers for me...we went on a date on sunday where she apparently played hooky by telling both her boyfriend and mother that she was working, and asked her sister (who actually was working) to cover for her. it was a fun 'date'. This pretty much brings me to the present, so let me tell you a few details about her: She is 27, half thai/chinese. absolutely gorgeous, seriously... When she gave me her number she said that she wont text me 1st because she doesnt want me to get in trouble. She was married once back in thailand, now divorced (dont know why) She has a kid by a different man who is now back in thailand (she left him because he was addicted to drugs) she is into older men, her current boyfriend is 41. She lives with her mother, brother, sister, and daughter. She loves to party, mostly drinking (dont think she regularly does drugs, rarely, if at all now) But does drink to excess. Here is why I am confused: I am having a VERY hard time believing that i am truly this lucky. To have a playmate like her on the side that only wants me to text her when i want, get a free massage and more whenever i want for however long i want...this is not a reality... I have discussed with her what her definition of a 'gik' is, and she pretty much agreed to what i said above, special friends with no hope of a future. She does talk alot about all the guys that are pursuing her (and there are MANY MANY MANY), as well as her boyfriend and the things he does that she doesnt like. She has asked me a couple of very surface questions about my plans for the future, such as when we are getting married, will we move away, and how soon after getting married do we plan to have kids. To all i have answered honestly and unreserved. I have always been a pretty compassionate and sensitive guy, and this is my first time doing ANYTHING like this, so im having trouble being the 'player' ****-head that just hits and quits...i find myself approaching this girl like i would a potential future girlfriend when i know for a FACT that it would NEVER work out between us. Our lifestyles are too different, and my family would never be able to accept her profession or the fact that she already has a kid. (sucks, I know, but hey, thats how they are). but besides that, i know myself, that i would not be able to be in a happy relationship with her with all the partying, and her past (im not saying im better than her, or shes not good enough, or any of that...just that i know that it would always cast a shadow over our relationship) I do still LOVE my fiancé, who of course would never be able to accept this if she ever finds out. I am very aware of the dangerous line i am walking, but am sadly not strong enough to stop seeing my 'gik'. My hope is that it will run its course and things will become less exciting and we both gently and mutually begin to separate...and i can get back to life, knowing what NOT to ever get into again... I guess my questions to you are: - Is this a normal situation for thai women? - Is there some idea of sex/relationships in thai culture that makes this OK? - Do you think she might have a hidden agenda? - Do you think im falling for it? Or is it too late, and she already has me hook, line and sinker? - How should i proceed? - Any other past experiences, insights or advice would be much appreciated. Again, sorry for the length of this post, i hope it was at least mildly entertaining. Thanks, and best regards... Arlen_Bales Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy_bkk Posted April 26, 2013 Report Share Posted April 26, 2013 This is a pretty normal situation in Thailand. You need to be clear on how important your fiance is for you. Have you ever had a dream that lasted forever? I mean the whole planet moves, oceans move, things move all the time. Now she is cool with this, fun to be around, the next second she'll stab you in the back while you sleep and rip your balls off, because she eventually can"t handle the situation being 2nd... This is just only one scenario out of many that could happen. I never trust women, and especially thai women in this regard, because they are perfect at playing to whole emotional scale from bottom to top. I usually exit and get to decision time rather early. You may be a guy who doesn't care about this, this is fine. However at some point you will wake up from that dream and you will have to cut off someone, or someone cuts you off, etc. all with or without some nasty side effects. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarangFarang Posted April 28, 2013 Report Share Posted April 28, 2013 I think Andy makes some really good points. Seldom do things ever remain the same for long. And he's right in that tomorrow you could be starting down the wrong end of a knife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin_2 Posted April 28, 2013 Report Share Posted April 28, 2013 Half Japanese/American?! Say it ain't so... Anyway, my advice to ride that train until you need to get off or get thrown off. As Andy said, make it VERY clear how much you love your fiance. Many girls, especially girls in that sort of profession, just want to have some fun. It sounds like she is pretty well off, though with the business she's in and her history...she's no trophy wife. Though it's hard to tell without knowing everyone involved, it sounds like she just likes you and wants you to fill the void that is present in her current relationship...exactly how you feel in that sense. Try your best to keep your heart and wallet out of this, and appreciate it for what it is. Frequently do things that remind her that your fiance is number one (no need to tell her often since actions speak louder than words). Even plan a date with her, then call her an hour before and say that your fiance wants to go out to watch a movie, so you have to cancel. That sort of shit is great because it keeps you honest, and keeps her in her place so to speak. A real treat has fallen in your lap. Just enjoy it wisely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arlen_Bales Posted April 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 29, 2013 Thanks everyone! Your advice has all been well noted. Im still caught up in this right now, but will try to sort through things and make sure to remain in as much control as possible....Will keep you posted Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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