Princess Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Relationships to me these days seem like auditions for an elaborate play. You don't do your part right, you get kicked off and someone else gets a turn. When it comes to dating and relationships, we're all trying to put on our best performaces...rules are changed every minute and something as simple as walking in on someone scraping toast noisily is enough to sever bonds that should last forever. On the subject of rules...here's a question for ya...how long is too long? Consider the case: For the ladies: You've been on a couple of dates with a really, really great guy who you're really into - he's definitely long-term / boyfriend material. You haven't had sex yet. How long, in your opinion, is it ok to make him wait for it? (Remember...you don't want to come across as a slut or a prude) For the guys:You've been on a couple of great dates with a really really lovely lady who you're really into-she's definitely girlfriend material. You haven't had sex yet. How long, in your opinion, should she play hard to get? (For you not to consider her a slut or a prude) Personally, I think it really depends on the guy. If there was undeniable chemistry, I'd want to verify it A.S.A.P. But if I thought he was potential (serious and long-term)boyfriend material, he might have to wait ummm...depending on how often we saw each other...a month? :shock: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zeusbheld Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 For the guys:You've been on a couple of great dates with a really really lovely lady who you're really into-she's definitely girlfriend material. You haven't had sex yet. How long, in your opinion, should she play hard to get? (For you not to consider her a slut or a prude) no fair! trick question! anyway... i'd expect her to put out within three dates, not coz it's a habit for her but because i'm so goddamn charming Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Posted November 21, 2005 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 no fair! trick question! anyway... i'd expect her to put out within three dates, not coz it's a habit for her but because i'm so goddamn charming Well so many guys call women sluts if we're too sexy and boring prudes if we play hard to get...there MUST be a middle ground Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WiCKeDBiRD Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 For the ladies: You've been on a couple of dates with a really, really great guy who you're really into - he's definitely long-term / boyfriend material. You haven't had sex yet. How long, in your opinion, is it ok to make him wait for it? (Remember...you don't want to come across as a slut or a prude) Princess Hottie, The sincere ONE will always wait ... as long as it takes .... really. P' WB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zeusbheld Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 no fair! trick question! anyway... i'd expect her to put out within three dates, not coz it's a habit for her but because i'm so goddamn charming Well so many guys call women sluts if we're too sexy and boring prudes if we play hard to get...there MUST be a middle ground i dont think i'd judge a girl as slutty by how fast she went to bed with me (nor prudish by how slow, i'd guess "undecided" rather than "prude"). generally, girls that are publicly parading about how many guys they've done... i might tend to leap to the conclusion that they're too slutty for me. girls who act slutty at parties might actually turn out to be prudish when it comes to sex... but that to me is the least attractive combination possible (and seems to be with most guys). i'd probably assume she was too slutty for girlfriend material, even if i was trying to get in her knickers. i may be wrong, but doesnt matter, odds are if she craves attention from strangers that much, she's not my type anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moo_noy Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 no rush, it happens when it happens, but not linger than 3 weeks.sex on first or 2nd date would make me think she is a bit easy or slutty, and not serious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 I like to wait at least 15 minutes so she doesn;t think I'm easy :wink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inamorato25 Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 i dont think i'd judge a girl as slutty by how fast she went to bed with me (nor prudish by how slow, i'd guess "undecided" rather than "prude"). I agree 100%. And I don't care about how long it takes before we play horizontal hockey (He shoots! He scores!). As Birdwing said earlier, if I'm really interested in somebody, then the wait can be nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uhu_uhu Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Every relationship and situation is different, so its hard to have a RULE for too long - but if I am chasing a chick I am interested in (very interested in), and being the Gent etc, if I hadn't investigated physical compatibility within a month, I'd be thinking about another case. For sure!!Its OK for chick to be horny too. I am at ends to understand this business of 'making him wait'. If you want to f*ck him, and you know he wants to f*ck you, then f*ck!! maybe there will be a 'physical incompatibility', or crap shag, whatever......then you've wasted time, right??? :wink: RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!! but if you like each other very very much, wait and take time to know each other before boom boom, it must be very sweet and very very special naja!:wink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Posted November 21, 2005 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Interesting to see the male and female points of view. I must say though that guys can be terribly disappointing when you take them up on their claim of "I want a woman who's good in bed". Somehow being ready to initiate sexual contact on a woman's part is considered "slutty" or "easy". Don't believe me? Take a look at all the farang guys in bars ready to slag off Thai women as being easy ...oh and then they go home to their Thai girlfriend who is useless if she doesn't wanna put out. Hmmm... :shock: But I digress (that topic is being debated in another thread)...I'm curious as to what really is the middle ground or indeed...if there is any middle ground. Guys is there a point where you will give up a great woman just because she won't put out (honestly?)? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babyoiy Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 I like guy who play hard to get .. that's so sexy .. Honesty, I don't play hard to get.. when I like, I just like ... I dont take time to decide.. If yes mean yes.. first time is easy, second time is mean there're something to me.. I did try to make my mind to someone once.. damn it was a worse mistake ever in my life.. when I don't like at first, it obviously mean NO forever... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smartass Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 i think the answer can be varied depending on how many shots of vodka/tequila or glasses of long island you have :wink: doesn't matter what i had done, i think the fair point is between 3-5 dates. why? cos i think if there is no chemistry at all, you will call it quits after the first date...or the 2nd just to make sure that i already give him a try but it's not gonna work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zeusbheld Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Guys is there a point where you will give up a great woman just because she won't put out (honestly?)? Of course, if guys all waited for a great woman to eventually (or not) put out, where would that leave all the other women? Thank God men are flexible. p59: i once chased someone for a year without getting any (ended up with her for 4 years). however, the careful observer will note that in the course of that year, she wasnt the sole focus of my activities... the male of the species tends to hedge bets... SR: at about 11.30, men start getting considerably more flexible when trying to meet a girl in a bar. interestingly, studies have been done---it isnt alchol-related, it's danger-of-going-home-alone-related. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Interesting to see the male and female points of view. I must say though that guys can be terribly disappointing when you take them up on their claim of "I want a woman who's good in bed". Somehow being ready to initiate sexual contact on a woman's part is considered "slutty" or "easy".Don't believe me? Take a look at all the farang guys in bars ready to slag off Thai women as being easy ...oh and then they go home to their Thai girlfriend who is useless if she doesn't wanna put out. Hmmm... :shock: But I digress (that topic is being debated in another thread)...I'm curious as to what really is the middle ground or indeed...if there is any middle ground. Guys is there a point where you will give up a great woman just because she won't put out (honestly?)? Guys who down women cause they won't put out aren't worth the time of day. Its imature ! If ya have a mind a mental connection makes for great sex and if your hot for a woman thats not interested in a quicky but she makes it known she is interested then she might be worth the wait if she interests you. One of my best friends is a beautiful 23 year old who runs a coffee house where I play. We don't go there but talk about everything as friends. But we aren;t trying so no disapointment. A guy will leave if the want brings frustration hanging with a hottie. Should be able to talk about that stuff or whats the sense hanging out........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Guys is there a point where you will give up a great woman just because she won't put out (honestly?)? Of course, if guys all waited for a great woman to eventually (or not) put out, where would that leave all the other women? Thank God men are flexible. SR: at about 11.30, men start getting considerably more flexible when trying to meet a girl in a bar. interestingly, studies have been done---it isnt alchol-related, it's danger-of-going-home-alone-related. Exactly, there's fun and there's business and each should have its place. Honestly, in general men have nothing against great women, but given the limitations of life and the number of hours in a day, no woman should ever truly despair (after 11.30 that is)! But what if she doesn;t put out but is lots of fun will you hang out with her tommorrow ? I think that was her point ........ we can all eventually get laid :roll: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
condotown Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 In the words of Bill Clinton "I don't care if I never have sex with her, as long as she swallows that load." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PattayaDaz Posted November 25, 2005 Report Share Posted November 25, 2005 P59: Guys is there a point where you will give up a great woman just because she won't put out (honestly?)? Yep there is a point that I would give up. But not only because she wouldn't "put out" If we were doing everythng else but not having intercourse I wouldn't be that stressed...she obviously has a reason or just isn't ready...If the relationship had been going on that long I'd expect to be able to discuss it with her...By rights I should know her well enough by then to know why we weren't having sex..and how she thought about it.. If there wasn't any intimacy beyond the occaisional kiss...well I''d guess she either liked me as a friend (and didn't want to ruin it) or maybe she didn't like me enough...who knows...Whatever the reason I'm sure I'd ask before giving up on an otherwise "great woman. I cetainly couldn't adhere to a strick timetable either..."right honey its third base tonight or I'm outta here".. After all everybody is different...some relationships survive for years with very little sex.....others need it daily...errr I'm one of the latter :shock: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robbie36 Posted November 25, 2005 Report Share Posted November 25, 2005 Yep there is a point that I would give up. PD, Probably should have stopped there before launching into the 'I wouldnt really care if she just wanted to be friends' diatribe. You know I am not convinced that any girl believes that crap from anyone, anymore - and if you are going to pull it off convincingly you need a different handle - PattayaDaz just doesnt cut it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Posted November 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted November 25, 2005 A non-sleazy post (more or less)...I'm impressed Daz! j/k Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PattayaDaz Posted November 26, 2005 Report Share Posted November 26, 2005 R36 Probably should have stopped there before launching into the 'I wouldnt really care if she just wanted to be friends' diatribe. You know I am not convinced that any girl believes that crap from anyone, anymore - and if you are going to pull it off convincingly you need a different handle - PattayaDaz just doesnt cut it. Whats so hard to believe? Funny as it may seem not every woman I meet wants to jump in the sack!.. I have a few female friends who I haven't shagged......Either cos they didn't want to or cos I didn't want too....wet left it at that.. As for trying to convince people I'm a "nice guy".....Not something I've ever been guilty of on TF....As has been said many many times here...."don't judge a book by its cover" .....I tend to say what I feel...and don't have any hidden agenda..... For somebody who pertains to be so well informed I am surprised that my handle could influence your opinion so easy... maybe I should have picked..."NongPruNiceGuy" or "ChonburiDaz" No doubt you will reply with a suitably belittling diatribe....But considering how much discusion goes on about "class" and "descrimination" here..I find it funny that people on TF could be negative to somebody just because of his location... I suspect that most of the BKK expats only live in BKK cos they don't have a choice....ergo the huge influx of expats from BKK to Pattaya every weekend.. Anyhow...what I really meant is don't write me off just cos you think you know me.....Errrr you don't.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zeusbheld Posted November 26, 2005 Report Share Posted November 26, 2005 But what if she doesn;t put out but is lots of fun will you hang out with her tommorrow ? I think that was her point ........ of course i will! unless i have a date... *flees* we can all eventually get laid :roll: true, but back-pressure (ummm fluids not being released properly) is a health hazard... my doctor said so... so those times when i didnt have a gf... i went to great lengths to make sure that "11.30" and "eventually" were not too far from each other... zbh the b is for mr healthy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robbie36 Posted November 27, 2005 Report Share Posted November 27, 2005 PD, No hard feelings mate - I would probably have been equally rude to anyone else who made a similar sappy post. I suspect that most of the BKK expats only live in BKK cos they don't have a choice....ergo the huge influx of expats from BKK to Pattaya every weekend.. . In 10 years in BKK, I dont think I have ever heard a single expat say that they would rather live in Pattaya. People go to Vegas to gamble it doesnt mean they want to live there. As has been said many many times here...."don't judge a book by its cover" .....I tend to say what I feel...and don't have any hidden agenda..... You cant have it both ways. You are who you say you are, or you are not. Anway I just take you at face value. Oil rig single guy, hangs out in Pattaya, cruises the bars and flirts around. (Admittedly any or all of the assumptions could be wrong.) The only thing I find slightly strange.... is that you always seem to assume that your lifestyle, is a lifestyle that other people would aspire to... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
biachung Posted November 27, 2005 Report Share Posted November 27, 2005 in my opinion the dating ritual is all backwards,example... when we ask someone out on a date , what we're really saying is "i want to shag you" .therefore shag first, dinner (or breakfast) second, too easy too slutty?, nah ,not if their only like that with you,it will save all that wondering ,dancing and prancing bs, and if your still hungry after dinner,...well your still hungry :!: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel_Master Posted November 27, 2005 Report Share Posted November 27, 2005 Well for me I like a girl who is somewhat polite and considerate and at least can maintain the allusion that she doesn't fall for guys too easily most of the time. I mean she doesn't act too slutty in public. But it is great to be around a girl who does give one the feeling that she must be great in bed if she can be caught. I would not judge a girl as slutty or a prude by how long it took before we shagged. If it happens on our first get together then I really have questions about how long it is going to last. If I really like a girl I find that difficult to take, a fantastic shag only to never get together with her again, dam!! If she takes too long though, I would say more than three or four proper dates, then I really do need some very clear reasons to believe that she is definitely interested in a relationship with me, but wants to take it slow, or I'm probably not going to continue dating her. I could make an exception if I really enjoyed her company so much that that was enough, but to be sure there would be another woman in my life as well then. I've tried dating for long periods a few times and found that it was a waste of time because there just wasn't enough attraction to begin with. I think people are either attracted to each other or they are not. Sure, people can be uncertain sometimes, but uncertainty is really not a good sign if one is hoping for a relationship to develop. I look to be with a girl who I have excellent chemistry with, the physical attraction is undeniable on both sides, she is great in bed, and really enjoys having sex. So, when I meet a girl like that it is pretty hard to resist the temptation not to get it on at the first opportunity. I just can't see any reason why things can't also work out to be a good long-term relationship. But, dam it! Why am I still single? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Posted November 27, 2005 Author Report Share Posted November 27, 2005 I look to be with a girl who I have excellent chemistry with, the physical attraction is undeniable on both sides, she is great in bed, and really enjoys having sex. So, when I meet a girl like that it is pretty hard to resist the temptation not to get it on at the first opportunity. icon_biggrin.gif I just can't see any reason why things can't also work out to be a good long-term relationship. But, dam it! Why am I still single? No offence but I think you have the answer to your question right there Steve. With only one very special exception (and most guys I come across are nowhere near to being in his league), I could never take a guy seriously if he tried to get/we decided to shag/snog within the first 3-4 dates. This is true even if I was drunk out of my mind...and yes, its true even if I initiated it.I might date him for a while but eventually I'd lose interest or get bored. I've been faced with "undeniable chemistry" before...but the guy has always been a gentleman about it...nothing sexier than a guy who shows he's not lead around by his little head And this is exactly the point of my question...if I met a great guy, I'd wonder what exactly he wanted if, after a few dates he didn't seem to be attracted to me physically...bear in mind "attracted to me" does not mean "have sex", I wouldn't waste time or emotional investment beyond a month or so if I thought his intentions were just friendly and mine were romantic. My question was...how long would *you* wait to find out? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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