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PeeMarc
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sometimes we react almost from shock at a new kind of situation and handle it wrong and as long as we have an open mind we can learn as we go along.

Otherwise known as

B-I-TCH SLAPPING!!

Ha ha, sybian... this word can be applied to several situation or forum :lol:

Sometimes it's harder work to find the differences than the similarities.

For myself, i can see what the diifferences or the similarities or something in between. No, i'm not that too smart, but i can see roughly about anyone's personality.

Forum is useful more than you think... :wink:

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sometimes we react almost from shock at a new kind of situation and handle it wrong and as long as we have an open mind we can learn as we go along.

Otherwise known as

B-I-TCH SLAPPING!!

I was thinking more along the lines of Turkey slapping :wink:

Turkey-slapping... thats a much better term. i like it :lol:

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very helpful PeeMarc... I'm one with uncontrollable destructive anger

any article about how to cure this you might have also found?

most say take deep breath

count to ten...which makes me more angry and I count to ten like a guy talking on speed

close your eyes for a second and think of something more important

live by philosphy do not sweat the small stuff... food will come, (unless you're a doctor) no one will die if you a cpl of minutes late, the weather will change (for thati weather it will be hot and wet isntead of just hot lol), just take a break do not let it get to you. Growing up I had very bad temper and had to go so far as martial arts to help me learn to be more calm.

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sometimes we react almost from shock at a new kind of situation and handle it wrong and as long as we have an open mind we can learn as we go along.

Otherwise known as

B-I-TCH SLAPPING!!

Ha ha, sybian... this word can be applied to several situation or forum :lol:

Sometimes it's harder work to find the differences than the similarities.

For myself, i can see what the diifferences or the similarities or something in between. No, i'm not that too smart, but i can see roughly about anyone's personality.

Forum is useful more than you think... :wink:

What's the use? You're going to invite the smartest guy for a date then?

Ha ha!! not like that ja, sybian... i mean it's useful in term of learning people by words... (reading) :wink:

what you think? and what you get by joining forum?

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sometimes we react almost from shock at a new kind of situation and handle it wrong and as long as we have an open mind we can learn as we go along.

Otherwise known as

B-I-TCH SLAPPING!!

Ha ha, sybian... this word can be applied to several situation or forum :lol:

Sometimes it's harder work to find the differences than the similarities.

For myself, i can see what the diifferences or the similarities or something in between. No, i'm not that too smart, but i can see roughly about anyone's personality.

Forum is useful more than you think... :wink:

What's the use? You're going to invite the smartest guy for a date then?

Ha ha!! not like that ja, sybian... i mean it's useful in term of learning people by words... (reading) :wink:

what you think? and what you get by joining forum?

Not sure that you can learn so much about people through the forums. Most of the people go there to let loose, to impress persons of the opposite sex or to release their personal frustrations by picking on easy targets (sometimes all 3 options simultaneously). In my (limited) experience, personal journal or profiles are more indicative of what a person really is. Then again, maybe forums, journals and profiles all offer different perspective on an individual and you need to see all of them to have an idea of what kind of person he/she is.

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sometimes we react almost from shock at a new kind of situation and handle it wrong and as long as we have an open mind we can learn as we go along.

Otherwise known as

B-I-TCH SLAPPING!!

Ha ha, sybian... this word can be applied to several situation or forum :lol:

Sometimes it's harder work to find the differences than the similarities.

For myself, i can see what the diifferences or the similarities or something in between. No, i'm not that too smart, but i can see roughly about anyone's personality.

Forum is useful more than you think... :wink:

What's the use? You're going to invite the smartest guy for a date then?

Ha ha!! not like that ja, sybian... i mean it's useful in term of learning people by words... (reading) :wink:

what you think? and what you get by joining forum?

Not sure that you can learn so much about people through the forums. Most of the people go there to let loose, to be cool and impress person of the opposite sex or to release their personal frustrations by picking on easy targets (sometimes all 3 options simultaneously). In my (limited) experience, personal journal or profiles are more indicative of what a person really is. Then again, maybe forums, journals and profiles all offer different perspective on an individual and you need to see all of them to have an idea of what kind of person he/she is.

agree ja, Mezzy

I can "roughly" learn people here... not much as you have said.

Actually, my idea, we can learn people from everything; personal journal, profiles and forums (also chatting)... and yes, to gather an idea, we should see them altogether.

As i said, what i apparently get here is to broaden ideas. And there are many kinds of people here... when I read (most) forum everyday, I have seen many people coming around... especially a group of TF forum fanclub. The more i read, the more i (roughly) know them... the way of thinking i refer... and of course, with my (limited) experience

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sometimes we react almost from shock at a new kind of situation and handle it wrong and as long as we have an open mind we can learn as we go along.

Otherwise known as

B-I-TCH SLAPPING!!

Ha ha, sybian... this word can be applied to several situation or forum :lol:

Sometimes it's harder work to find the differences than the similarities.

For myself, i can see what the diifferences or the similarities or something in between. No, i'm not that too smart, but i can see roughly about anyone's personality.

Forum is useful more than you think... :wink:

What's the use? You're going to invite the smartest guy for a date then?

Ha ha!! not like that ja, sybian... i mean it's useful in term of learning people by words... (reading) :wink:

what you think? and what you get by joining forum?

I am here to enjoy myself, verbally.

i know..i can see..

and i'm happy you enjoy yourself, verbally... so do I

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My anger? it isnt seen!! i have 2 kids so I have learnt a lot of patience.

please not khun Eddy just pee Eddy is enough na no need to be so formal.

yes for getting on with people and life itself.

try to laugh as much as possible dont be too serious. Dont waste your anger on the small things and most things in life are small things.... you can choose how to view things.

When I was younger...(please can i have lots of posts saying im still a youth!!!) i had a short temper but now I just think why hurt myself with these feelings? I have seen somebody close to me destroy themselves with anger becoming bitter and twisted. we all feel angry at times its natural but I find its best to not dwell on these thoughts too much.

But then I go to the gym and knock the heck outta the punch bags too. that helps lol

I think it's important to express anger, not just through what I've read and been taught, but from experience too. I know of people who have had no kind of emotional guidance in their life and have never known how to express themselves emotionally and have ended up doing something stupid that has had disastrous consequences. I believe it happens in some Asian societies where the outward projection of ones emotions is not encouraged.

While I don't have any children of my own, I have 7 nieces and nephews, so I am very concerned about how I behave in front of them, which has also meant that I've had to control anger at times.

I use my training to redirect anger - I find it very useful. Forms or kata are useful for this, not sure if you use them, Eddy? (a kind of dynamic meditation) and of course hitting a punch bag. It has never led me to hit another person in my whole life, but it has helped me to become stronger, fitter, more confidant, and far less likely to get striped up. Having some anger is a natural human emotion and I believe it can be used positively and turned into passion, determination and creativity if you know how to channel it.

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ANGER MANAGEMENT

Husband to wife: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband: How does that help?

Wife: I use your toothbrush.

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

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ANGER MANAGEMENT

Husband to wife: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband: How does that help?

Wife: I use your toothbrush.

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

hahahahahahahahaha :lol:

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I understand that all anger stems from our perceptions.... It is a natural response... and there are generally two sources of anger. (Things that push our buttons)

1. Someone doing something we perceive to be mean or antagonistic.

2. Someone doing something we perceive to be stupid or ignorant......

Or a combination of the two.

This happens a lot when someone makes us waste time or money.

You can learn a lot about a person's anger management ability by sitting in a car as they drive around bangkok.

I find that I can eliminate most anger if I just analyze what is making me angry and then just try to avoid it happening again....It is virtually impossible to completely eliminate anger if you associate with other people.

Anger is also greatly reduced when we reduce expectations of others having high standards of behavior and consideration.

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I understand that all anger stems from our perceptions.... It is a natural response... and there are generally two sources of anger. (Things that push our buttons)

1. Someone doing something we perceive to be mean or antagonistic.

2. Someone doing something we perceive to be stupid or ignorant......

Or a combination of the two.

This happens a lot when someone makes us waste time or money.

You can learn a lot about a person's anger management ability by sitting in a car as they drive around bangkok.

I find that I can eliminate most anger if I just analyze what is making me angry and then just try to avoid it happening again....It is virtually impossible to completely eliminate anger if you associate with other people.

<<applause>>

spot on, IMO.

in the case of reason #1, such as the person who cuts in front of you in the supermarket line, i find it useful to remember that quite often the person who cuts the line is just unaware of the line, not necessarily being mean or antagonistic. in other words, we humans often tend to attribute intentions to acts that aren't necessarily there. this phantom intentions, if not the source of anger, often amplify it.

Anger is also greatly reduced when we reduce expectations of others having high standards of behavior and consideration.

a corollary of that is to bear in mind that people, even within the same culture, often have different standards for what constitutes consideration and appropriate behavior. let alone when cultures start mixing.

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I was at my local market in On Nut the other day, ...Many Westerners really do have issues when it comes to controlling themselves and their behaviour...How do you deal with your anger?

We get loads of that in Japan, too. And for good reason, as this is the most frustrating society on the planet in which to live. Wanna see people rant? Hang out in a Japanese bank in Tokyo for an afternoon and you'll see plenty of outbursts. But for the most part, it seems the anger stems from when we as foreigners enter into any transaction with expectations (usually idealized and unrealistic) of how things are "back home."

In cases like this, I can usually blame myself for not having come prepared with the right tools or attitude to get things done here. That usually stops me from having a meltdown, and I can do the "jai yen" softshoe. In those cases where true incompetence is afoot, I usually save my breath, and start composing a blog entry or letter that I'll write to deal with it once I get home. I got a $100 rebate from Avis rentacar for a blog entry I posted about being ripped off by them. Liable and slander work wonders on the Internet!

And as i_love_som_tam wrote, I also don't hesitate to step in when some miserable loud mouthed tourist is ruining my day. My first time in Manila, it was past midnight at the airport taxi stand, and a German fella was screaming because the cab guy wouldn't accept a 1000 peso note. I guess he didn't read the first line of every guide book and online site about arriving in the Philippines -- you gotta have small bills. I told him that and asked him to chill out, since it was his own damned fault. Which brings me back to my original point: Usually we have only ourself to blame when it comes to getting pissed at the locals.

Luckily, beer is cheap in PI and Thailand :) Instant calm nerves.

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I was at my local market in On Nut the other day, and watched a Western woman completely lose control of herself and start to scream, cry and yell. I havce no idea what it was about, but the terms "throw a wobbly" and "chuck a pinky" came to mind. Watching her made me feel embarrassed for her and for all the Thai people around in the markets who were watching in amazement.

Many Westerners really do have issues when it comes to controlling themselves and their behaviour.

But, is "jai yen yen" really the only answer? What is healthy? How do you deal with your anger?

PeeMarc, probably she was upest at not getting a 5 baht discount for the fruit!

Seriously though, it is easy to jump to assumptions and I'm not so sure that what you perceived and description is just about anger. Maybe the woman you refer to had just recently had a traumatic experience (given the crying) or was sick of being treated as a money bag by the vendor? Possiblly she had reached that point that all do at one time or another in another foreign place of just being overwhlemed by not understanding language and culture. I'm obviously engaging in complete speculation which is common on these threads.

Everyone has their breaking point & anyone is capable of loosing it in the right circumstances. Would it not have been good perhaps to see if she needed some help? I would hope that we all feel we can ask someone in the situation that you describe if they need help as too often people just stare and look which is too common here, and in many countires, as know one wants to interfere (happy to gossip about it later though). But I wasn't there so I am not judging you.

More on your general query, I'm not sure that is just is Westerners when it comes to control, or lack of it. A lot patently relates to cross-cultural perceptions and the fact that in any culture there are different socialised standards of conduct. Often in this site people explain things as western and thai but as we all know culture is much more specific than that.

Plenty of europeans have misunderstandings with other europeans, for exampl,e and expressing your unhappiness, or anger, with someone is more accepted in some 'western countries' than others. Similarly, the myth of some ubiquitous thai culture is at times illusionary and quite limited given some of the diverse parts of this country, and neighbouring countries. However, it is a starting point though.

Emotional expression is not exactly a strong point in this part of the world and often feelings build up and then explode. As you know. people get killed here in LOS for what may be considered elsewhere as small issue but which is taken sometimes as a big loss of face and the revenge factor overwhelms.

There is a significant amount of violence related to anger, and usually revenge, which occurs in thailand and which belies the self-perceived smile and sabai sabai. Some of the types of incidents which occur could perhaps be befitting more of a post-conflict society - places where I have worked, and yet the violence I have witnessed in this country (which I do love) over the years is somehow more fightening to me due to the perceived randomness and intensity.

Obviously, public displays of anger are not a good look in this part of the world. And obviously, there are much mature ways to deal with people and situations but we are all far from perfect. Sometimes it may well be good to let off some steam, 'throw a wobbly' and express your frustrations as long as it doesn't involve physical or emotion violence. Better perhaps than allowing it to build up into something more intense and devasting.

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ANGER MANAGEMENT

Husband to wife: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband: How does that help?

Wife: I use your toothbrush.

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

as off now i'm gonna buy a new toothbrush everytime i piss off the GF !! :shock: :shock: :shock:

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ANGER MANAGEMENT

Husband to wife: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband: How does that help?

Wife: I use your toothbrush.

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

as off now i'm gonna buy a new toothbrush everytime i piss off the GF !! :shock: :shock: :shock:

You'll be boots best customer then eh!!! :twisted:

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I was at my local market in On Nut the other day, and watched a Western woman completely lose control of herself and start to scream, cry and yell. I havce no idea what it was about, but the terms "throw a wobbly" and "chuck a pinky" came to mind. Watching her made me feel embarrassed for her and for all the Thai people around in the markets who were watching in amazement.

Many Westerners really do have issues when it comes to controlling themselves and their behaviour.

But, is "jai yen yen" really the only answer? What is healthy? How do you deal with your anger?

PeeMarc, probably she was upest at not getting a 5 baht discount for the fruit!

Seriously though, it is easy to jump to assumptions and I'm not so sure that what you perceived and description is just about anger. Maybe the woman you refer to had just recently had a traumatic experience (given the crying) or was sick of being treated as a money bag by the vendor? Possiblly she had reached that point that all do at one time or another in another foreign place of just being overwhlemed by not understanding language and culture. I'm obviously engaging in complete speculation which is common on these threads.

That woman I refered to was not really meant to be the subject of this thread. She simply reminded me to write it. She was with her husband/friend/bf at the time, who appeared as embarrassed as all the Thai people at the stalls around. They looked like tourists. I dont live anywhere near a tourist area, so the Thai people here are not really jaded or cynical as they are in tourist areas and I weould be surprised if she had been ripped off at any store here.

As you read, thee issue isnt WHY someone gets angry, the real issue is how do we deal with anger and how do we learn from it, regardless of hationality. We could speculate all we like to find a reason for anger, but few reasons could bee regarded as excuses.

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ANGER MANAGEMENT

Husband to wife: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband: How does that help?

Wife: I use your toothbrush.

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

as off now i'm gonna buy a new toothbrush everytime i piss off the GF !! :shock: :shock: :shock:

you don't need to make a special trip and get a new one every time. just keep a decoy you never actually use in the bathroom.

err... according to a friend.

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when i was a kid in my first job, we played a similar trick on the grumpy old boss who would smoke a pipe all the time. Eveery morning we would somehow steal his pipe, but return it at the end of the day. He never found out who kept doing it all week, but it sure did give him the shits.

Then, on the friday, after a whoie week, his pipe was retured as always before he went home. But this time it was with a polaroid of his loveely pipe stuck up someones bum.

Luckily the whole department didnt get fired over that one

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