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Passive/aggressive relationships.


PeeMarc
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A long time ago, before i really understood what 'passive/aggressive' meant, I was young and I fell 'in love' with my (once in a lifetime) femme fatale. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Femme_fatale

Over time, very incrementally, the relationship almost wiped me out completely. Anyone who has seen the movie 'Betty Blue" will understand the sort of relationship it was (although no-one in mine died...lol).

She was a clever, talented and stunning lady, but she was also the classic 'passive/aggressive' female of the most destructive kind.

But this kind of behaviour, in more milder forms, exists in so many relationships without people even realising it. And when they do finally realise, it has come slowly and quietly, like a wet bag of sand to the back of the head.

This kind of behaviour can be from a man or a woman and is usually born from a deep-seated, unresolved anger from their past.

Do you know anyone like this?

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PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR

Most people will use some sort of 'Passive Aggressive' behavior at some point in their lives. It is not considered by professionals to be a mental illness. However, when it is unchecked (or the person is unaware of it) and becomes a habit, it can cause unnecessary damage in their work, personal and romantic relationships.

Below are the most common traits -

FEAR OF DEPENDENCY - Unsure of their independence and afraid of being alone, they fight their dependency needs - usually by trying to control other people around her.

FEAR OF INTIMACY - Guarded and often mistrustful, they are reluctant to show their emotional fragility. They?re often out of touch with their feelings and especially denying feelings they think will ?trap? or ?reveal? them, like love. They pick fights to create distance.

FEAR OF COMPETITION ? When feeling inadequate or insecure, they are unable to compete with others in work and in love. They may behave either as self-sabotaging, with a pattern of failure, or they?ll be the tyrant, setting themselves up as unassailable and perfect, eliminating any threat to their power.

OBSTRUCTIONISM - They won't say when, and often be deliberately slow, especially with decisions, just to frustrate you. Maybe they won't even decide at all. They tend to block any real progress they see to your getting your way.

CREATING CHAOS - They prefer to leave the puzzle incomplete, or confusing to others.

FEELING VICTIMIZED - They hate to be criticised. To remain above reproach, they set themselves up as the apparently innocent victim of your demands or expectations.

MAKING EXCUSES & LYING ? They go as far as they can to make up excuses for not fulfilling promises. As a way of withholding information, affirmation or love - to have power over you - they may choose to make up a story rather than give you a straight answer.

PROCRASTINATION - They have an odd sense of time - they believe that they can make up her mind whenever they wish ? or never.

FORGETFULNESS - By keeping you waiting, they set the ground rules of the relationship. And their selective forgetting - used only when they want to avoid an obligation.

AMBIGUITY ? They are the master of mixed messages and sitting on fences and not making decisions. When they tell you something, you may still walk away wondering if they actually said yes or no.

SULKING - Feeling like a victim when they are unable to live up to their promises or obligations, they retreat from pressures around them and sulk, pout and withdraw.

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  • 1 month later...

Oh Gawd yes! Her name was P**** half Indian half Caucasian drop-dead-gorgeous. Her mother was insane (due to the sad death of P****'s brother) and had 'reborn' as a lesbein.

P**** and I lived together for 9 months in a village in Jamaica - teaching at a local comprehensive. She had all the qualities you listed. We never had enough money to get a flight home and leave each other except on pay day (and that was the only day in the month she was ever happy and wouldn't consider it.)

I'm off to swallow a Valium - awful (bloody gorgeous though!)

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...Passive Agressive.............these are the strings that hold society together.

...otherwise known as the "plus" "minus".....in the West...

...or the "Ying" "Yang".....

...energies react in whichever way the circumstances require. Energies are the signposts of life....ergo.....follow the positivity.

...We all go through life, we all have a taste of the polarity that it brings....

.....but....

........for some strange reason.......being in a relationship is a metaphorical 'brown paper bag' over your head......crossing the road.

....Love opens up an area in our soul which, unavoidably, turns us into a "moth aroung a night light."

..So passive/ agressive go hand in hand with the unvariablistic hindsights.

...79

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it is being aggressive in a passive way. women often do this to men because they aren't going to win many physical confrontations. powerless people seeking power, some getting pretty damn skillful at making "doing nothing" do an awful lot for them. passive aggression is what makes bargirl/hansumman relationships go.

"It was an innocent question," is one of my personal favorites as an example of folang land p/a.

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oh, ya, know this one very well first hand too. it's also been my observation that such behavior is particularly common from whores.

this is what i don't understand about whitey in Thailand.

why the **** does one stick around a ***** long enough to find out if they're passive aggressive? i thought the whole point of hookers was shaggage without partaking of baggage.

Thailand can be puzzling someitmes, but whitey in Thailand is far stranger than anything Thai.

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A long time ago, before i really understood what 'passive/aggressive' meant, I was young and I fell 'in love' with my (once in a lifetime) femme fatale. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Femme_fatale.

i looked at the link. Mata Hari, huh? i didn't know you were THAT old :shock:

Well, maybe I should have said a v e r y long time ago.

Although I did have a thing for Annette Fernicello for a while. I guess that makes me tending towards ancient.

(and femme fatale she definately was not.)

father-large.jpg

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Women tend to be P / A but in the modern world of womens Lib they are becoming more aggressive. P / A is used by men too and its a dominance game I found in more intellectual circles. With words it can be more subtle and the lines crossed as the degree of P / A depends on understanding the intent sometimes. I learned to appreciate people who are outspoken and to the point as I don't come away feeling they were trying to stick it to me somehow. In my college days it was common in conversational sparring. I didn't attend class but was at the dorm parties and played in the bands. Now I only see it in my relationships with women but men they can play that way too............

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this is what i don't understand about whitey in Thailand.

why the f*ck does one stick around a ***** long enough to find out if they're passive aggressive? i thought the whole point of hookers was shaggage without partaking of baggage.

Thailand can be puzzling someitmes, but whitey in Thailand is far stranger than anything Thai.

:lol::lol::lol: beats me too! maybe it's a wanna see the good in some desire.. i mean most people are fundamentally good people once you get to know them, right? and just disbelief that a ***** really is a *****!

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Thailand can be puzzling someitmes, but whitey in Thailand is far stranger than anything Thai.

Yeah, well, you got your ticket for that boat too - WHITEY.

no **** sherlock. damn you're quick.

although i suppose i'm exponentially stranger than typical whitey in thailand by local standards as i have no inclination to marry a bargirl.

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Thailand can be puzzling someitmes, but whitey in Thailand is far stranger than anything Thai.

Yeah, well, you got your ticket for that boat too - WHITEY.

no sh*t sherlock. damn you're quick.

although i suppose i'm exponentially stranger than typical whitey in thailand by local standards as i have no inclination to marry a bargirl.

Make that two strange whiteys.

(I didn't buy any 'ticket' to any whitey 'boat')

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Thailand can be puzzling someitmes, but whitey in Thailand is far stranger than anything Thai.

Yeah, well, you got your ticket for that boat too - WHITEY.

no sh*t sherlock. damn you're quick.

although i suppose i'm exponentially stranger than typical whitey in thailand by local standards as i have no inclination to marry a bargirl.

Make that two strange whiteys.

(I didn't buy any 'ticket' to any whitey 'boat')

maybe i'm mistaken (highly unlikely i know) ... but i get the impression it's the tourists rather than the resident whiteys who r more inclined to marry a bargirl !!

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Thailand can be puzzling someitmes, but whitey in Thailand is far stranger than anything Thai.

Yeah, well, you got your ticket for that boat too - WHITEY.

no sh*t sherlock. damn you're quick.

although i suppose i'm exponentially stranger than typical whitey in thailand by local standards as i have no inclination to marry a bargirl.

Make that two strange whiteys.

(I didn't buy any 'ticket' to any whitey 'boat')

maybe i'm mistaken (highly unlikely i know) ... but i get the impression it's the tourists rather than the resident whiteys who r more inclined to marry a bargirl !!

I know lots of dysfunctional farang residents here who can't seem to help themselves with the: "yeah... I know... but she's different...." story.

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Thailand can be puzzling someitmes, but whitey in Thailand is far stranger than anything Thai.

Yeah, well, you got your ticket for that boat too - WHITEY.

no sh*t sherlock. damn you're quick.

although i suppose i'm exponentially stranger than typical whitey in thailand by local standards as i have no inclination to marry a bargirl.

Make that two strange whiteys.

(I didn't buy any 'ticket' to any whitey 'boat')

maybe i'm mistaken (highly unlikely i know) ... but i get the impression it's the tourists rather than the resident whiteys who r more inclined to marry a bargirl !!

I know lots of dysfunctional farang residents here who can't seem to help themselves with the: "yeah... I know... but she's different...." story.

yeah... strange. i do my best to be dysfunctional but i still can't seem to achieve quite that level.

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