Flavours of Thailand (True Stories)

[dundee_thailand]

[English_Bob]

This story is as old as time.

Aren't there enough published stories to stop people making these stupid mistakes?

For God's sake protect yourselves - and that goes for females as well as males.

[711_Dimsum]

I just hope this place doesnt turn into stickman.,.no offense

[English_Bob]

I have a real Thailand story that happened over six years ago in my first year in the Kingdom.

I was new to the country, living in Hat Yai, trying to immerse myself in the culture. I was learning the language and also signed up for Muay Thai lessons.

My teacher was a small, wiry guy who had been teaching for years. He had photographs of himself teaching US marines and Thai soldiers hand to hand combat. He had certificates from various law enforcement agencies accreditting him as a master teacher.

I trained with with two or three times a week and found it tough but rewarding. Occasionally, we'd go out for a beer and sometimes his wife would join us.

One particular evening, a good friend of mine was visiting from the states. He is a TF member and some people will probably guess his identity. For the sake of diplomacy I'll call him Iain_D.

No wait, I'll call him Klaus!!

So one Wednesday night, the four of us went out to a farang bar in Hat Yai - myself, my teacher, his wife and Klaus. We were drinking pretty steadily and she was matching us drink for drink. I was telling Klaus how tough my teacher was.

His wife was very proud and told him to show off his forearms. He rolled up his sleeves and 'popped' his muscles, which were hard as iron wood.

Next she made him show off his eight-pack, and he duly did, pulling up his shirt in the packed bar. The guy looked like he was carved out of mahogany - 2% body fat and years of daily eight hour training sessions. He also had a bit of a crazy look in his eyes that made me uncomfortable - he had the skills to kill people with his fists, elbows, knees and feet.

About 1 am, I took my leave. I was pretty drunk and had a 9am class to teach. Klaus told me he would stay behind and drink with the two Thais.

(At this point I have to relate the story as he told me the next morning.)

The bar closed about 2am, and my teacher and his wife told Klaus they knew a late opening bar. So he agreed to go with them. They climbed into a car and the Muay Thai teacher drove them around aimlessly until Klaus realised there was no after-hours bar.

Then he drove up to a cheap hotel and said they could drink there without problems. So they all went inside and the guy booked a room and had some beers sent up. Klaus was new to Thailand too and taking this all in his stride. The wife was by now very drunk and flirting with Klaus.

But the room was hot, just a fan and no aircon. Eventually Klaus suggested moving to his hotel room which had aircon and a fridge full of beers.

So half an hour later they were in his room drinking more beers and the wife was now six sheets to the wind.

Klaus sat on the bed. The Muay Thai teacher sat in an armchair chatting about any old subject. And his wife lay across the bed with her head on my friend's lap, sleeping.

But after a while she decided not to sleep and twisted her body round so her face was pressed against his crotch. She then began applying pressure with her cheek moving against him.

Klaus was understandably concerned. The guy sitting opposite him, although short, was a trained killer. The woman dry humping his knob with her face was a trained killer's wife.

Klaus is not a brave man.

He moved away from her, but she followed. He moved again, but she gripped his belt and continued. All the time the Muay Thai teach watched with an amused smile on his face.

Now Klaus was very worried. This seemed like a very dangerous situation. He stood up and brushed the woman from his crotch. He tried to make a joke, but the Muay Thai teacher just asked him, "Klaus, do you understand the word 'swinging'?"

Klaus gulped.

"That's right. You can have my wife. We can both have her. Don't you want to party?"

Now Klaus was even more concerned. Would he cause offence by refusing? Would he get buggered if he agreed?

He finally managed to convince the couple he was completely faithful to an imaginary girlfriend and a staunch believer in the sanctity of marriage.

The wife was by now unconcious on the floor and unable to perform even had he changed his mind.

The Muay Thai teacher simply shrugged his shoulders, gripped his wife's wrists and dragged her out of the room towards the elevator.

Klaus closed the door behind them and locked it. He went over to the balcony to watch them leave. Eight stories below, he saw the guy, still dragging his wife along the floor and pushing her into the car's back seat and driving off.

When he relayed the story to me the next day, his shock and astonishment was completely genuine - he was ashen faced and shaking with relief.

The following week, I started learning Taekwando instead.

(I can't reveal the guy's identity without permission, so next time we speak I'll ask him - but it was funny at the time)

[Oo.Cloud.oO]

Definitely, keep em coming!

It's insane to think that these stories are real...and then some of the victims end up jumping off of bridges/balconies...

:shock:

with plastic bags

i love it here

keep the stories coming!