Jump to content
  • entries
    324
  • comments
    0
  • views
    7667

how do you find a middle ground

paulgh3rd

Entry posted by paulgh3rd ·

261 views

 Share
During a recent conversation with a friend who is in her mid 20's ( a russian Jew now living in NY) and my roommate ( a Filipino Christian ) in her early 30's and myself when the topic came to dating and marriage. The roommate recently broke up with a bf and the younger girl is presently single so we began talking about what they wanted and being divorced myself what my thoughts were. Which one lasted longer in today’s society. Sinces divorces in the US are basically 1 in 2 ( it's over 50%  so 1 in 2 is close enough) Each of us had a very different view, with the Filipino having a more conservative traditional view, while the jewish girl had a surprising view even though she was educated in a NYC university. She felt that she didn't really believe in dating and just really wanted to only have short dating period and then marry. She wanted to use marriage for the period of getting to know her partner. The roommate wanted to date a long time with no sex before marriage and then eventually marriage. She is of course potentially looking at at least a year and half or more before even engagement. So 2 different views on marriage and then I lived with my ex for 5 years before I was married. My ex was raised in Germany where marriage is (as she explained) seen as somewhat antiquated and many people do not do it as a matter of as a 'most do'. In some countries this is happening more and more and is being sighted for a reduction in populations in some areas (meaning growth not attributed to immigration but birth from more then 1st generations not the problem in china of course lol). So we started talking about the history of people who have been married from arranged marriages in the past to present. Mostly they only knew of muslim's who are put in arranged marriages (my roommates former roommate is Palestinian and we and her talk often). Usually most people now a days do not face this situation but occasionally in very traditional cultures it still happens. I know a Thai friend who under family pressure was pushed into an 'arranged' (in a somewhat loose dictionary sense of the word) marriage. They were divorced in a few years this quickly broke the theory of arranged marriages lasting. This was of course with the stigma and difficulty associated with divorcing in Thailand, but what about how easy divorce is in other countries? Is the ease of divorce the problem with marriages not lasting? Is this why our jewish friend feels like more time spent dating is time in marriage wasted towards the bench marks which in the past means greater chance of a long lasting partnership? In most states in the US the reason for ease of divorce was do to abuse cases to allow the abused to be able to get away from the abuser quickly. Where do you find a middle ground for this? Some US states are now requiring counseling classes to married couples before granting divorce. In other countries the process it's self is the deterent and/or the public stigma of being divorced as well. This world just seems more and more crazy at times when you are caught between old traditions, modern trends, societal norms, and GOD (whichever one yours maybe) knows what else. lol Here's to hoping the cpl in this proposal has good luck and it's just something super cute .. disgustingly so but still cute.  
 Share

0 Comments

Recommended Comments

paulgh3rd
During a recent conversation with a friend who is in her mid 20's ( a russian Jew now living in NY) and my roommate ( a Filipino Christian ) in her early 30's and myself when the topic came to dating and marriage. The roommate recently broke up with a bf and the younger girl is presently single so we began talking about what they wanted and being divorced myself what my thoughts were. Which one lasted longer in today’s society. Sinces divorces in the US are basically 1 in 2 ( it's over 50%  so 1 in 2 is close enough) Each of us had a very different view, with the Filipino having a more conservative traditional view, while the jewish girl had a surprising view even though she was educated in a NYC university. She felt that she didn't really believe in dating and just really wanted to only have short dating period and then marry. She wanted to use marriage for the period of getting to know her partner. The roommate wanted to date a long time with no sex before marriage and then eventually marriage. She is of course potentially looking at at least a year and half or more before even engagement. So 2 different views on marriage and then I lived with my ex for 5 years before I was married. My ex was raised in Germany where marriage is (as she explained) seen as somewhat antiquated and many people do not do it as a matter of as a 'most do'. In some countries this is happening more and more and is being sighted for a reduction in populations in some areas (meaning growth not attributed to immigration but birth from more then 1st generations not the problem in china of course lol). So we started talking about the history of people who have been married from arranged marriages in the past to present. Mostly they only knew of muslim's who are put in arranged marriages (my roommates former roommate is Palestinian and we and her talk often). Usually most people now a days do not face this situation but occasionally in very traditional cultures it still happens. I know a Thai friend who under family pressure was pushed into an 'arranged' (in a somewhat loose dictionary sense of the word) marriage. They were divorced in a few years this quickly broke the theory of arranged marriages lasting. This was of course with the stigma and difficulty associated with divorcing in Thailand, but what about how easy divorce is in other countries? Is the ease of divorce the problem with marriages not lasting? Is this why our jewish friend feels like more time spent dating is time in marriage wasted towards the bench marks which in the past means greater chance of a long lasting partnership? In most states in the US the reason for ease of divorce was do to abuse cases to allow the abused to be able to get away from the abuser quickly. Where do you find a middle ground for this? Some US states are now requiring counseling classes to married couples before granting divorce. In other countries the process it's self is the deterent and/or the public stigma of being divorced as well. This world just seems more and more crazy at times when you are caught between old traditions, modern trends, societal norms, and GOD (whichever one yours maybe) knows what else. lol Here's to hoping the cpl in this proposal has good luck and it's just something super cute .. disgustingly so but still cute.  
Link to comment

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...