Okay so my sister's back from Perth. We get along fine, most of the time but we obviously have our tiffs. She plays this role of the 'protective' one, and yes i understand you feel its for my own good, sometimes people WANT to make their own mistakes, y'know? Ah well long story, i'll skip it.

But here's something interesting though. She's always been, well, the beautiful one in the family, with the most guys going after her, and with the best bod (she is vERY well proportioned), and i..hmm. i used to be very big. I lost it all when i was 17..all 15 kiloes. *laughs* alot i know, it wasnt all in a very healthy manner either. i'll leave that story for another day as well.

ANYWAYS she met this guy, and went out on a few dates with him, nothing serious. Then she went all hard to get, and he met me, and fell for me. We went out, and fell in love, (went steady for two years mind you, i'll always love him) and (not surprisingly) that scorched my sister, though she'll never admit it. She hates him till today, not surprisingly as well..

how is all this related to today? Well, her ex came by the house (she still loves him) and i started chatting away with him. it never bothered her before this, but she decided to get pissed off, decided to go to bed, saying that he doesnt need her to let him out (of the housE) as I can do that. Okay, right. this is HER friend, and she was getting pissed that he and i were having a flowing conversation. I feel bad, i think she got abit jealous.

its funny how life works out in the end. i always had this phobia, that if i brought a guy home, and he was say, her age (three years my senior) he'd fall for her immediately. and then the opposite happens, like with my ex. funny how things change.

Why do we date so much in our age? is it necessary, what is it about being human that makes us yearn for companionship so badly, we're willing to subject ourselves to so much torture just in the *hope* of finding someone who loves us as much as we love them? What is love then, but something of a self-centered emotion? Its useless if its oneway, most of the time we're only willing to give it, wanting the same (or more) in return. Its probably the most self-centred emotion of the Human soul. I blame the media for overblowing its effect on us - cant we be perfectly happy on our own? NOOooo..anyone who's alone is missing out on those walk in the parks hand in hand, passionate love making (with perfectly timed orgasms, mind you), midnight movies, cuddles and kisses. Oh god forbid we miss out on those.

indeed. God forbid i do. i'm lonely. *laughs* i'm a victim of society as well - i've been brainwashed with the rest of you, that love, finding it, and experiencing it is the most rewarding thing life can offer us. and i miss it. i miss having someone to hold, and be with. i miss him so much. scary thing is, i dont know what i miss more - Him, as a person, or the memories, hallmark-like experiences we shared.

what is this but one long rant from a sleep deprived 19 year old. *laughs* ah well. i always thought the best way to get over someone is to find someone new. I did. I think he's just not interested me. *lol* oh well. NEXT!