Contract

Subject: World Cup 2006

Dear ??..

During the World Cup 2006 the following rules are applicable

1. From 9 June untill 29 June 2006, The World Cup is the the most important that happens.

2. During the World Cup 2006 the TV-set belongs to me, all the time withoiut any exception. You?r not even allowed to look at the remote control, let alone touching it.

3. If, during a match, you want to pass in front of the screen, you should do this crawling over the floor. If you decide to go stand naked for the screen, be sure the only emotions you?ll get back is angriness. If you catch a cold because of that, I?ll have no time to bring you to the doctor.

4. During the matches I?m deaf, dumb and blind, only when I need to drink or to eat I?ll be communicative. You?r crazy if you think that I listen to you, that I?ll open the door when somebody is ringing, that I answer the phone or that I take up the kid when it falls on the floor ......... that won?t happen.

5. It?s very important that you take care there?s always enough beer in the fridge, that there?s enough chips. If I have friends at home looking at some matches they can make as much noise as they want, that?s what I call hospitality. You should always behave quiet and stay in the background or even better another room. Only when we call you to bring some beer or some snack you can move discretely. As a sign of apprecation for that you?re allowed to look television between 00.00 hour and 06.00 hour, if there?s no rehearsal of a match.

6. PLEASE!!! If my favourite team looses a match, NEVER says things like: it?s only a game!!! When you say this kind of things you only makes me more angry and it makes me love you less. Moreover you?ll never know more than me over football and your comforting words will have the wrong effect and can even be the reason for divorcing.

7. You?re welcome to look 1 match together with me. You can even talk to me, but only during the publicity and if the score is favourable for my team. I say clearly this is only valid for 1 match and should NOT be an excuse to spend more time with me.

8. It?s very important they show the goals from every angle. I don?t care if I have seen them already, I want to see them again and again. Very often.

9. Tell your friends not to get baby?s, or having birthday or other parties where my presence is required. I wan?t go, I can?t go, I?m not available.

10. If one of my friends should call to to look a match at his place on Sunday, I'll go immediatly.

11. The daily highlights are as important as the matches. Don?t say ?you have seen this already ........ let?s switch to channel 1 for my favourite program?, the aswer will be ?look at rule 2?.

12. And last but not least: Keep remarks as ?I?m happy the World Cup is only one time in 4 years?. I won?t even hear that and after The WC the Primera Division, The Serie A, The eredivisie, the Premier League .......... etc. will start again.

Thanks for the cooperation!

Friendly greetings,

............................. (signature)

Good luck to all brave (foolish) enough to produce this letter.

My ex once asked me what i loved more............her or my football team.

I tried to explain she was not my 1st and probably not my last gf, but there will only ever be 1 football team for me.

The ultimate contraception.

Fellas trust me honesty is not the best option. I was right she was not my last gf

Dear You FIFA's victim,

I also love football, but the rules you set up are too STEWPEED. I can not stay married with this such an IDIOT. Divorce Please..!!!! ..LOL..