i am so in love with my boyfriend, my love for him even scare myself off. i care and worried about him, i worry if he is hungry, thirsty, happy, upset or anything... when he is not around i worry if he is doing fine. i am worried if i will lose him to someone, if i will annoy him and stuff.. i worry if he is healthy, everytime if he doesn't feel well, i would be so afraid to lose him.i even woke up crying to myself from a nitemare of losing him.i can't believe how lucky i am to have him, but i have no idea how i can keep him to be mine without him being stolen.

at the begining, he told me that he thought marriage is unnecessary. but after going out with him for a month, he asked me if i would marry him. i asked myself, he does treat me so good, i was so touched and i just forgot his original thought but thinking that he is the same kind of guy as i am. i kept telling myself how alike we were and how much we love each other.

today, i was thinking sth silly and my future with him, the things about marriage came to my mind suddenly. i am thinking.. if he does really love me and that's y he want to marry me or is he still doesn't believe in marriage but he just noticed the kind of gal i am, that's y he had to say it? why would he love me if he doesnt believe in love?

i dont want to lose him, i have no idea what i can do without him.

i sent him some texts tonite and he acted like he was trying to avoid my qns...i started thinking if the silly thing that was on my mind would really happen to me. as he didn't want to reply my messages or talk to me, i just turned off the mobile and made the phone of my room silent. i wanted to see how i would feel without his existence in my little world. after a while, i saw the light of the phone on, he was trying to ring me, i didn't pick up the phone tho i wanted to hear his voice so bad but cry to myself instead.i found that just a few mins without him would be too much for me, not to say my life without him. am i falling just too deep?

if we are not the same kind of person, if he doesn't believe in love, will we be as happy as i thought it would be?

am i too silly to think too much or am i too selfish by wanting him to be mine forever?

tho i am so annoying but all i want to say is just "i love u"

You are much too beautiful to be worrying yourself about these things!!!

have just read your journal, if he is making you even think these things he is not good for you, these need to be resolved or you will be better finding someone else,