The Meaning of LIFF

[Stramash]

No, not a misspelling, but the title of the wonderful Douglas Adams/John Lloyd creation. (Liff is actually a small town in Scotland)

from wiki;

It should be noted that the cover of the book usually bears the tagline "This book will change your life!", either as an integral part of its cover or as an adhesive label. Liff is then defined in the book as "A book, the contents of which are totally belied by its cover. For instance, any book the dust jacket of which bears the words, 'This book will change your life'."

sort of sets the tone really...for a book which takes place names and reassigns them dictionary style definitions.

here are some of my faves;

ABERYSTWYTH (n.)

A nostalgic yearning which is in itself more pleasant than the thing being yearned for.

ADLESTROP (n.)

That part of a suitcase which is designed to get snarled up on conveyor belts at airports. Some of the more modern adlestrop designs have a special 'quick release' feature which enables the case to lip open at this point and fling your underclothes into the conveyor belt's gearing mechanism.

BELPER (n.)

A knob of someone else's chewing gum which you unexpectedly find your hand resting on under a desk top, under the passenger seat of your car or on somebody's thigh under their skirt.

BODMIN (n.)

The irrational and inevitable discrepancy between the amount pooled and the amount needed when a large group of people try to pay a bill together after a meal.

CLACKMANNAN (n.)

The sound made by knocking over an elephant's-foot umbrella stand full of walking sticks. Hence name for a particular kind of disco drum riff.

CORSTORPHINE (n.)

A very short peremptory service held in monasteries prior to teatime to offer thanks for the benediction of digestive biscuits.

DOGDYKE (vb.)

Of dog-owners, to adopt the absurd pretence that the animal shitting in the gutter is nothing to do with them

DUNBAR (n.)

A highly specialised fiscal term used solely by turnstile operatives at Regent's Park zoo. It refers to the variable amount of increase in the variable gate takings on a Sunday afternoon, caused by persons going to the zoo because they are in love and believe that the feeling of romance will be somehow enhanced by the smell of panther sweat and rank incontinence in the reptile house.

EXETER (n.)

All light household and electrical goods contain a number of vital components plus at least one exeter. If you've just mended a fuse, changed a bulb or fixed a blender, the exeter is the small, flat or round plastic or bakelite piece left over which means you have to undo everything and start all over again.

FARRANCASSIDY (n.)

A long and ultimately unsuccessful attempt to undo someone's bra.

GANGES (n. rare : colonial Indian)

Leg-rash contracted from playing too much polo. (It is a little-known fact that Prince Charles is troubled by ganges down the inside of his arms.)

GLENTAGGART (n.)

A particular kind of tartan hold-all, made exclusive under licence for British Airways. When waiting to collect your luggage from an airport conveyor belt, you will notice that on the next conveyor belt along there is always a single, solitary bag going round and round uncollected. This is a glentaggart, which has been placed there by the baggage-handling staff to take your mind off the fact that your own luggage will shortly be landing in Murmansk.

HOBBS CROSS (n.)

The awkward leaping manoeuvre a girl has to go through in bed in order to make him sleep on the wet patch.

KURDISTAN (n.)

Hard stare given by a husband to his wife when he notices a sharp increase in the number of times he answers the phone to be told, 'Sorry, wrong number.'

LUDLOW (n.)

A wad of newspaper, folded tablenapkin or lump of cardboard put under a wobbly table or chair to make it stand up straight. It is perhaps not widely known that air-ace Sir Douglas Bader used to get about on an enormous pair of ludlows before he had his artificial legs fitted.

MILWAUKEE (n.)

The melodious whistling, chanting and humming tone of the milwaukee can be heard whenever a public lavatory is entered. It is the way the occupants of the cubicles have of telling you there's no lock on their door and you can't come in.

PAPWORTH EVERARD (n.)

Technical term for the third take of an orgasm scene during the making of a pornographic film.

PLYMOUTH (vb.)

To relate an amusing story to someone without remembering that it was they who told it to you in the first place.

SAFFRON WALDEN (n.)

To spray the person you are talking to with half-chewed breadcrumbs or small pieces of whitebait.

TYNE and WEAR (nouns)

The 'Tyne' is the small priceless or vital object accidentally dropped on the floor (e.g. diamond tieclip, contact lens) and the 'wear' is the large immovable object (e.g. Welsh dresser, car-crusher) that it shelters under.

WIGAN (n.)

If, when talking to someone you know has only one leg, you're trying to treat then perfectly casually and normally, but find to your horror that your conversion is liberally studded with references to (a) Long John Silver, ( Hopalong Cassidy, © The Hockey Cokey, (d) 'putting your foot in it', (e) 'the last leg of the UEFA competition', you are said to have committed a wigan. The word is derived from the fact that sub-editors at ITN used to manage to mention the name of either the town Wigan, or Lord Wigg, in every fourth script that Reginald Bosanquet was given to read.

YORK (vb.)

To shift the position of the shoulder straps on a heavy bag or rucksack in a vain attempt to make it seem lighter. Hence : to laugh falsely and heartily at an unfunny remark. 'Jasmine yorked politely, loathing him to the depths of her being' - Virginia Woolf.

and my personal favourite of all time, and which could be honourably given to one or two tf members is...

NUBBOCK (n.)

The kind of person who has to leave before a party can relax and enjoy itself.

And remember, all these are actual place names...

so, what is the silliest named place you know of???

:twisted:

[leerock]

don't be like a bonsai

[dannyboy]

I lived in Dead Horse Hollow, Kentucky when I was a kid.

Nice...

[Stramash]

Kentucky has lots of interesting town names and mispronunciations.

Versailles becomes ver-SAILS

Lebanon becomes Leb'nun

Pikeville becomes Pahk'vul

and so on and so forthl

something to do with all that fine bourbon perhaps??

:twisted: