International Rules of Manhood 2006.
Entry posted by lizardo ·
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1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at
rugby, and your biltong is getting wet, then, for the eating period
only, it is permissible.
2. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game"
e. When she is using her teeth.
3. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and
eaten by his mates.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out
of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.
However you can complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly
optional.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.
10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
her to climax. If you intentionally trap her head under the covers for
the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your
girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel...and it's free.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
kick another bloke in the nuts.
13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or
LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.
18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both - that's just greedy.
19. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.
20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours,
except if she's withholding S*x pending your response.
21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.
23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have S*x with her Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.
24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal 'drunken monkey S*x', the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion about what a big mistake it was, occurs.
25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.
26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, orange or
sky blue.
27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Play
station II. End of story.
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