Mark Taylor gives us the not-so-usual answers.If bartenders simply poured drinks, their profession would be called bottletending. Pouring drinks is easy: ice, rum, coke; done. Bartenders tend bars, and where there are bars, there are drunks. Lots and lots of drunks. When people think about drunks, they might picture Barney from The Simpsons, or a brownbagging wino in the gutter, or maybe Uncle Gord and the bar-fridge full of Olympia he keeps in his garage. These we might call Stereotypical drunks. If everyone behaved like them when pissed, the world would be a boring place just as it would if everyone behaved exactly the same when sober.Drunks come in all kinds, like, for example, Good Time Charlies. In their other, more sober life, Good Time Charlies are usually bored suburban introverts who punch a clock for a living. But put one in a bar, pour a few pints in him, and watch out. Like an unstable cross between the Tasmanian Devil and Rodney Dangerfield, Good Time Charlies can t sit still and are hilariously inappropriate. A Good Time Charlie will work the room, introducing himself to anyone with a face and cozying up to couples at corner tables engaged in heart-to-hearts, asking them, So, what do you do for a living? Never violent or pretentious, Good Time Charlies are, well, good times though they do get punched out every now and again. Then there are the aggressive drunks, better known as Octopus Hands. Octopus Hands are the piss-tanks who, after a few too many belts, can't keep their hands to themselves and feel the need to fight, kiss, or bear hug (or all of the above) anyone they (quite literally) stumble into. Octopus Hands are unpredictable you don t want to cross paths with ruffians like these. That said, most bartenders would take an Octopus Hands over the more heinous and obnoxious examples of a Town Crier or Fun Bomb, any day of the week. Town Criers are cheap drunks who, as their name implies, are prone to crying into their beer at some point during their binge, usually over a past failed relationship. As for Fun Bombs, they re just as miserable as the Town Crier, but Fun Bombs will never, ever, cry. In truth, they d be funnier if they did. Instead, Fun Bombs just mope and refuse to have a good time, thereby ruining, or bombing, everyone else's fun. Imagine: If beer commercials depicted these sorts of sad saps instead of the handsome good-lookings and lovely ladies we're all used to, no one would ever drink -- and we simply can t have that. I get a kick out of the Glory Days drunk. This is a lush who used to be so-so at some sport in high school, but now, knee-deep in cheap pints of draft and sporting a spare tire, maintains he's the best there ever was. Sure you were buddy, sure you were. Best to just let Glory Days drunks have their moment, though egging them on can be fun too. Similar to the Glory Days drunk is the Weekend Bohemian. While Glory Days drunks live in the past, Weekend Bohemians reside in an as yet to be realized future. The Weekend Bohemian can be characterized quaffing a few glasses of wine or a novelty martini before bumming a cigarette from the first Good Time Charlie they see. Then, with everything just right, the Weekend Bohemian will begin to talk at great length, but with little depth, about the documentary, book, or play he or she is going to produce. A dead giveaway is when the Weekend Bohemian says something like "I'm all about the theatre", but is unable to describe the basic premise of their project. Indeed, many great works of art were conceived, nurtured and quickly forgotten while pontificating on barstools. Girl Drink drunks, as parodied on Kids in the Hall, are also a barrel of laughs, largely because we've all been through this phase. The Girl Drink drunk is unable to stomach the taste of alcohol unless it is diluted with fruit juice, milk, or soda pop. The funny thing about Girl Drink drunks is they're usually young males, so they should really be called Young Guy Drink drunks. Nevertheless, Girl Drink drunks will pound four or five *censored*tails in no time before the inevitable occurs -- they complain they can t taste the booze in their drink. So they demand doubles, triples, and even quadruples next time around and, needless to say, this type of souse can get stupid drunk. A few words for Girl Drink drunks: You can't taste the booze in your drink because you ruined it with Sprite, pineapple juice and grenadine. If you want to taste the booze, ditch the mix. Of course, there are many other kinds of drunks, none of which are perfect. That s what makes bellying up to the bar endlessly interesting, and tending one even more so. So what type of drunk are you?  

Good Time Charlie sounds like me........because a lot of TF's want to punch me out.......but I rarely drink or get drunk...........lol

I'm a "Super Drunk " ........

( See what i did there ? )

I am a "Never Drunk"