Letters children write to Santa Claus: Deer Santer Claws,Me have been gewt boy owl yeer - can you bring me sum Space Rancha for Christmess ? Your frient Billy Good spelling Billy, Seems you are on the right track to become a street sweeper.What about some crappy books to make you read and write properly ? Santa PS: The Space Ranger will go to your brother. At least he can write and read properly. *********Dear Santa Claus,I have been a good girl throughout the year. All I wish for christmas is peace and happiness on earth.Yours Sarah Dear Sarah,did your parents smoke pot, when Mummy was pregnant, didnt they ?Peace - Santa ************ Dear Santa,I dont know whether you are able to do this for me, but I would like that Daddy will come back to Mummy and we will be a family again. Please do your very best.Yours Teddy Look Teddy,your dad is banging the babysitter all day long without cease. Do you really believe he will get back to your frigid mom nagging him all the time ? Forget it, I will bring you a Space Ranger instead. *******Dear Santa,I would like to have a new bicycle, a Sony Playstation 3, a model railway, a pony, a set of drums, a dog and a side trombone for Christmas. Who names its kids Francis nowadays ? I bet you are gay. You will get nothing.********Dear Santa,under our christmas tree you will find some milk and cookies for you and some carrots for your reindeers.Yours Susan Dear Susan,I will get diarrhoea from milk and carrots will make my reindeers fart in my face.You want to do me a favour ? Get me a bottle of Scotch instead..*********** Dear Santa, you are busy on one day only - what do you work on the other 364 days  ? Do you manufacture all the toys for us ? Dear Thomas,all that poisonous toy crap comes from China. I own a sky scraper in Las Vegas where I produce helluva cheap porn movies. Most of the time I relax, pinch my actresses and maids buttocks, sit and drink with my Santa colleagues from abroad and have a ball.My other hobbies are gambling and smoking pot.Hey - you wanted to know about it ! ******* Dear Santa, I would love to have a dog for Christmas.Pleeeeeease, pleeeeease, may I have one ?Timmy Dear Timmy,this pleeeeeease - cant begging might work with your parents. Not with me. You will get a pullover as every year.********My dearest Santa,we dont have a chimney at our house. How do you manage to enter our flat ?Yours MarkyMark !!first of all you will stop calling yourself Marky. That is the very reason why your lambasted on schoolyard every day.Secondly - you dont live in a house. You live in a council house.Thirdly, I enter your flat like every burglar does - through your bedroom window. ********         

Is this all the response you received when you was a kid,5555

Merry Chirstmas

since then I love Scotch, 5555