Another night wasted, drinking beer and whiskey chasers, looking at cigarette smoke dissolve into thin nothingness and the non-bra wearing waitress. I did this for a couple of hours only to find myself realizing it has been 5 months (to the day) since I was in my close brush with death on the Thai roads...and since my friends will not be there for another couple of hours, I fear you will have to listen to it.

I had been teaching my (girlfriend to be) student German lessons. A friend picked us up and, after dropping her off at her home, we went to get more gas. Exiting the gas station we were hit by a "song tao". I don't remember anything from the crash, only a vague recollection of me on the sidewalk, with a million of people staring at me with a bloody piece of cloth to my aching, bleeding skull before I slipped into my 12 hour unconsciousness. My friend, the crooked Thai cop, later told me all thought me dead in the 10 - 15 cm space that was left of the car seat I was sitting in. I spent the next 3 months in the Phyathai 3 Hospital in BKK, smoking an endless amount of cigarettes, and watching a merciless BKK from the 6th floor, teasing me for not being able to join her. My 2 fractured hips, 3 broken ribs and left collarbone has (somewhat) healed by now, and I'm getting better, day by day,

I wrote off God at a very early stage in my life, 16 or 17, I think, God does not work well with reason. "God Knows" I tried - and I still envy people of faith that believe that s*it happens for a reason! Still at times like this it makes you wonder. I guess the fact that I would have gone to one of the islands in the South and the following tsunami, had I not had my accident, makes me wonder if I would still be alive today had it not been for the things that happened.

I guess my question is: "Have you ever wondered if someone MIGHT be watching ?"

Life: the best movie you will ever see, one run, and a thousand critics!

C

C

...signing off 04:12, pre-dawn light.

I don't beleive that things happen on purpose, but I beleive that we can give sense to what happens to become more human, more ourselves. The purpose is not outside, written somewhere else by someone else, it's inside of us, our responsability. Our freedom. The question is: what do we DO with what happens to us, with what we beleive in. And I prefere to think that nobody is watching or has created the sh... aroud me.

Course someone's watching. There is ALWAYS someone watching. There is A reason I am so paranoid!!!! Shhh, but the fbi is after me!!!

I do know that it ain't god though. Or of it is, he really doesn't give two craps about us.

Live life for yourself!!! Though ironically, I do find I get a hell of a lot more out of life helping others

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this issue. I enjoyed reading them, though I fear we all somewhat agree - No name calling, cursing or ranting this time...

Religion (containing "all mighty" Gods) and logic does not mix well, but at times life CAN seem just too unreal or fabulous to be mere coincidental (..though I too fear this is the case). It used to make me sad that life appeared to be like this, (Greed e.g.., used to be a Sin, today it is what keeps the Western World / Economy in motion.) but I now believe it means we only have ourselves to answer to. As long as we can still stand looking the man in the mirror in the eyes, all is good, and it is, isn't it?!

Staggering towards my grave at the slowest pace possible.

C.