On 20.04.09 at 7 pm after work I met Mr. Kiwi at Major Ekamai. seeing he sitting inside coffee Mac and I sneaking behind him, surprised by hug his back shoulder. He told me that he read my journal and I scream with freaky. He said he abit freaky to see himself in my journal. After movie time we walked to beer garden for a drink. I was surprised of what he said ?I don?t want to be rush or plan anything but I think you may expect something, if I?m not do it you may think why I?m not do, right??

I don?t know what is the right answer but thought probably those comments or something might makes he think I expect him to do. Those comments might just ideas and opinions but the main reason is me. I told him, one of my friends first started relationtship, her bf was doing 7 times a day but third time his performance is down number and I told her its ok but she insists saying ?I don?t know but he has to improve his performance?. This must pressing him, I presume. I just want to share but didn?t mean to give him a hint or anything but I see he is thinking, seems something in his mind that I don?t know.

Yesterday evening (21.04.09) I do missed him. He is away BKK to up country for a week. I wanted to say don?t go but dare not. I only know him a couple days and I?ve no right to keep him in prison. Come to think of it, no longer he?ll be back his country, and then what?

Thinking of the other days after dinner with his friends, we were at the pub. He did mention that Mr. Grizzly has more than 50 plants or something. I was surprised while I?m showering he is counting Mr. Grizzly's plants. Does Mr. Grizzly has ever count his plants?

This morning I'm awaken at 6 AM but I still lie in bed thinking of him, wondering what he is doing. Until 7.30 AM I clean the room, watering the plants and took shower. I turn PC on and after a couple minutes I turn off PC. And I asking myself ?what am I doing?? while I keep thinking there was a text in my mobile so I checked. It was my cousin said someone sent her flower. That is good news.

I was walking back and forth for a while before sat down and keep strumming my guitar. And it make me stop thinking for a while. At 8.30 AM I?m ready to leave and I think of him again of what he is said the other days ?I read your journal before and thought this is someone that I?d like talked to?. I?m really impressed, but in a sudden I thought. Am I going to fall? Am I going to be like before? Crying on a bus and people stared with wondering what hurting me. Feeling like needles plunging into my heart. It was horrible, like something try to wake me up from a day dream. Thinking, if he disappear now and kept silent, no longer I would be ok.

I don?t know what he is thinking and I don?t know mine too. One moment I?m floating in the air and a moment later, I?m swimming in a vase ocean, which I can?t see the shores, confusing which way to go.

I know there is no warrantees and unpredictable. I never thought we would meet so what would I expect. Anyway, no matter the result will be. I can accept it; at least i knew I am not made of stone.

What is the right thing for each individual; I?m only a small thing in this universe.

I really don?t want to work today I want to be at home and strumming my guitar.