IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS?  As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.   1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen. 2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT, since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. 3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding, etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour. 4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 5) 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.   In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.   Merry Christmas.

Ofcourse there is a fuckin Santa you fuckin retard. How the **** you think all the kids get their presents ?

You honestly don't think their worthless parents give them to em, Well DO YOU ?

As for all the fuckin mumbo jumbo you trot out to support your claim. Just goes to show you know fuckin nothin

Santa has all the time in the world to do his job, Anyone with half a brain would know that already. Now listen closely and I will tell you, and I don't want to fuckin repeat myself OK. Santa STOPS time. So he can do the job and let it seem like it happens instantly right around the world. It also give him time to eat a few cookies and down a few beers.

If you want to know what else he does, you will have to ask your mother OK nuff said. Now you litttle ****, you better mend your ways or you know what will happen this Christmas, and it wont be the first time ....... will it !!!

Santa already brought me a rugby win over Australia. All is well.

Stop bitching on my Sugar daddy ya jealous Iain!

In a few countries in Europe we have saint Nicholas, his birthday is on 6 December and he has a african style helper. So I had to organize a kids party at the Belgian embassy, tomorrow morning, and more than 100 people signed up.

MMMMMMMMMMMMM very nervous about this event

Iain

your default photo needs to be updated...

to

THE GRINCH