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Have you been away too long?

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Have you been away too long?

For a while now I have felt more comfortable using a spoon and fork than a knife and fork.

Putting ice in your beer, which is a faux pas in Farangland, is a crime I am guity of.

I drive with total disregard for anybody else on the road.

It's not unknown for me to stroll down the my local 7-11 in my pyjamas.

I can perch like a bird for hours without loosing my balance or my legs aching.

Yesterday I caught myself quite wantonly picking my nose in a public place.

My fellow Farang, what are the tell-tale signs that alert you to fact that maybe you've 'gone native'? The same question to my Thai cousins. How do you know you've been away from Thailand for too long?

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my brit friend just sent me an sms and his english just sounded like the way some thais talked.

" i wait 1 hour for bus. it not come...lot *** maak, not move for 30 minute. air so bad..."

this pretty much means you've been away for too long.

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I can't use toilet paper anymore, which isn't a bad thing. I have installed those little 'arse hoses' in my home in the UK. Don't know how I ever lived without them. Must warn you that they are quite traumatic to use in the winter though. But for a life for skid-free underwear, it's a small price to pay.

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26 Ways of Knowing if you have Thai-ness or not.

1.You look four ways before crossing a one way street.

2.You put salt and chilli on your fruit…

3.A Thai cop stops you for a minor infraction and you automatically reach for your wallet..

4.You think that a Honda City is a prestigious car.

5.You can't remember the last time you wore a suit and tie.

6.You think a polo shirt and jeans are formal attire.

7.You aren't upset when the bar girl next to you eats beetles as a snack.

8.You wake up in the morning and realize that you have nowhere to go and all day to get there.

9.You think white wine goes well with Som Tam.

10.You understand when your Thai wife says, My friend you or Same, same, but different.

11.A Thai bar girl you've just met tells you that her mother is deathly ill and you just laugh and walk away.

12.You realize that your Thai wife's loyalties belong to

1st. Her parents.

2nd. Her brats from a previous marriage to other Thai-scoundrels who deserted her.

3rd. Any remaining blood relatives.

4th. The family's buffalo.

5th. The family's goldfish.

and Last… "You"

13.You consider your mobile phone a fashion accessory.

14.You start wearing sandals everywhere…

15.You start driving cars barefeet…

16.You no longer enjoy Songkran. Instead, you stay home with a stack of videos.

17.You become an expert on buying and selling gold jewellery.

18.You believe that buying a gold chain is an acceptable courtship ritual, or at least a form of foreplay.

19.Dogs become animals you'd rather kick than pet.

20.You believe someone with an IQ of 90 is really intelligent…

21.When driving a car you'll start using every free inch of the road.

22.You flash your 4 indicator lights when driving straight on at an intersection.

23.It's two days before payday, so you only go to bars with balloons strung outside…

24.You realize that all the important words in Thai begin with the letter S. Sanuk (Fun), Saduak (convenient), Sabai (comfortable), Suay (pretty).

25.You think a calendar more useful than a watch…

26.You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus...

IF You Can confess to any one of these "YOU HAVE THAI-NESS"

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