listen up...
I've always said(quoting richard prior)...one thing I am proudest of ...is ...I never killed a motherfucker..
Now...anouther thing i am proud of is....no motherfucker ever killed me....
now theres a big hard man on tf ...with a big soft heart.....and his name is happy_Q
big lovable ex-proffesional rugby playing Cuz of mine.....and now and again my own personal bodyguard....anbd nothing gets around this guy without taking the looooong scenic route....by which point i have managed
Byron .......my brother (supposively through blood....but you can always hope) ....has lived up to his romantic name....and gone forth and spread his powerful Smith seed...
once again us Smiths has proven our prowess as formidible lovers....pure heroine for the fairer sex....and infiltrated the womb of his wife with his little torpedoes...
simply put shes pregnant and they gonna have a little terrorirst .....
so now uncle slurms will no longer carry (only) the sleazy context of my perverted a
christ its hard to write anything decent when britney spears is playing (torturing?) in the office.......its true...britney spears makes you stupid....if you want proof just look at the type of people who like britney spears....
for 1 thing....almost all are female......
hmmm....if they keep playing this I might grow breasts.....really not sure if that is entirely a bad thing....
anyway...I digress....
What i really wanted to talk about today was how entirely screwed I am now that they ma
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?"
brings me no pleasure to think about these sort of things.....nor to convert anyone else....but its human nature to wish to share points of distress.....anyway...nice little argument...innit ?
one of the most beautiful sights of the quite dramatic springs here in S.A...other than the tweeting birds and flowering plants etc etc.....is in fact the joyous introduction of the skirt into the young girls wardrobe...
oh what a happy time this is.....god has also blessed us not only with a sunny early spring this year....but cunning wind to match.....
Mom in bangkok as we speak.....probably wrapped around some philipino barboy as we speak......drunk as a skunk no doubt irritating evryone by
just dropped mother dearest off at the airport for her yearly little galavant around asia...
for those who dont know ...my mom is "da-bomb".....yes yes...I know its not cool to call anything "da bomb" and very outdated....but then again...so is my mom (not cool and outdated).....but hey !!shes my mother and dont you lay a finger etc etc etc (wish the milkman and poolboy would bloody well listen!)
anyway...so if anyone sees a britney spears like woman (except with wrinkles and totally porno ra
shitty day...
just came back from the hospital where i was visiting my hardly recognisable friend....he rolled his car last night....
I went with his ex girlfriend to see him expecting the worse....and still got the shock of my life...
he hadnt bothered to arrange proper medical aid...so had to go to a government hospital here in S.A.....what a horrible freaking place.....stink of death and industrial cleaning agents everywhere...
they tried to make me wait for visiting hours but i bullshitt
well....after shaving my head tonight......I decided its been a while since the old amazon jungle got a trim (dont wasnt the jungle the hide the poor anaconda after all!)
well i took the clippers...and decided extreme deforestation would be needed......
well all was well....pubic like tumble weed flowed across the bathroom floor...until ....well......metaphors aside as there is no nice way to put this.....I cut my balls....
not so much cut.....as severed.....ripped apart ....tore up !!!
well
well.....once again a perfectly decent cinematic experience is ruined!!
war of the world was going allong nicely...humaninity was getting decimated....I for one was cheering...loving it......then comes what should be the pinnacle...the final moment of the film to bring great cathartic joy to the audience.....tom cruises obliteration......and what happens ? they dont kill him !!
not only does tom cruise not die...but in fact some stupid humans survive........and those poor aliens....just doing
mwahahahahahaha
whilst in the midst of great depression...due half to a hangover....losing the rugby to a nation if sheep shaggers......and that girl last night being married and yes...that guy wasnt her brother...but her husband..(long story).......I was brought to euphoric hapiness again when south africa happen to beat mexico 2-1 in football
now a great sporting nation we may be .....but football has never been our strong point....so to beat those poncho wearing , tequila guzzling ..cactus
Why did I do it ?
Never lads??no matter how sweetly you dream of a harem??actually allow woman to move into your house?..
Recent atrocities savagely dealt out upon my humble abode include :
-French fries , hamburgers and pizza been everything but flung of the menu !
-Asparagus and celery ?.foods originally designed by god as a joke ?.or a torture implement?suddenly finding themselves in my fridge (right next to the plutonium ?where they belong at least)
-The vile ear murdering sounds of Nat
welcome my friends....wlecome to the machine....
anouther cog turns with a deafening creak......gunshot light pierces through the curtains and morning invades ....nay .....morning rapes ...me once again !
yesterday,,,,with everything life has to offer suddenly esculating around me ...announcung itself in bright flashing buttons with screeching alarms all around my head........some of it promising, good ,fantastic , hopeful! ......the rest drad , repetitive , annoying , dangerous......wonderful
well folks...rumours of my demise have been greatly exagerated....
only those rumours assataining towards the demise of my liver and heart are of any substance.....
well i'm back.....so throw away your vibraters in a fit of optimistic glee girls !! Fear not ! extreme sexual pleasure awaits you all !!
Well I have been in bed the last 2 days....but for all the wrong reasons.......sadly I've not been having one of my usual famous guiness books of records breaking longest love making attempts..
