Every time I go to the dentist I get his weird feeling that something horrible will happen and the dentist will have to break it to me and say something like, “Mr. yeahrightdennis I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to pull out all your teeth and replace them with little rocks I found outside.”

A few weeks ago I made a dental appointment because I wanted a cleaning/check-up, so I made it at 15:00. I picked this time because if it was any later I would have to come back to work after lunch and if it was any sooner I would have to return to work after the cleaning was done – timing is everything.

A common saying in the Army is “hurry up and wait”. So far this statement has been true my entire military career, except for today when I walked into the dental clinic. By the time I knew it I was already laying down in the reclining dental chair we all dread so much.

The bright light from the lamp started to blind me so I asked if I could wear my shades. So there I was lying back in the dentist chair that resembled something out of a cheap contemporary art exhibit from the 80’s, with metal scrapers and face sucking machine in hand she started the cleaning. Now I think there should be some kind of manner book on how to act with the dentist. I don’t know how many times I had wiggle my tongue and flex my chest to gesture to her that a gallon of saliva has built up at the bottom of my throat and that I didn’t really like having her boney elbows resting on my chest! To make this worst I thought she was hitting on me while I was getting my cleaning done. All my life my mom taught never to talk with my mouth full, today I had to disregard what my mom taught me. My lips were dry, I had about 4 different tools in my mouth and don’t forget about the gallon of saliva lingering at the bottom of my mouth.

“so where are you from?”

“what do you do here on post?”

“how old are you?”

As uncomfortable as I was, I made an effort to answer all her questions…she must do this a lot, or have super human powers because her response took me by surprise and had me in awe.

“Oh yeah you’re from California…cool you work at the motor pools down 5th street and you do convoy security BIAP and TQ…really your 26, me too! (yeah right she had to be 50 something)

…for real now this is how I sounded.

RooGhh arhh uuuUUUuuhg gargle gargle…gross.

yeahrightdentist!

dentists are taught that in "Dentist School"

Stretch your mouth with clamps.

insert rubber stretchy things

add the suction hose

then "small talk" you to death. :-)

most don't even listen to your answers. (if you can even say anythiing that resembles a language!)

haha :-)

mwaaaahaaahaaa your journals always make me laugh. I just spat my morning coffee all over my keyboard :-D