I read my weekly horoscope this week and it says something about revelation. I guess it is somewhat right...I mean its kinda nice for me to think of something that make sense in my life! hahaha

From last weekend, I've learned that fate has something to do with your life. I mean you control your life, yeah but there're also some factors that change it for a bit. You can run as fast as you can from whatever whomever you dont want to see in life but you just cant. It's like the more you try to escape from it, the more it gets closer to you. It's so freaky and I know thats how I would say "what is meant to be is meant to be". You may not understand what i'm saying here but its ok. I just dont know how to give you an example of what really happened to me.

I've learned that your action speaks louder than words cos any words from the truth/lying can hurt your feeling most of the times. I'd rather close my ears and watch what is really going on. I've learned that I can be foolish and stupid at the same time. I said a lot of stupid without thinking of the consequence but I knew I could not take it back. So what I should do is to focus on today and the future. You make a mistake, you learn from it and stop making any more mistake. Yet, you would possibly repeat that same mistake again and again. And I just need some bitach slap to remind me that I shouldn't couldn't wouldn't do that again!

I've learned that no matter how much you love your job, there's a moment during your working hours that you feel like 'I really wanna go home ,I cant do this anymore'. There's a moment you feel like 'I wish I dont have to go to work' cos I dont like getting up in the morning! I live very close to my office but I dont think that would help very much lol There's a moment you wish you're a millionaire or work at home so you can get up and start working at any time you want. Though I learned that I'm not born with money, if I dont work, where can I get some money to live my life? This is our life. We're born. We're raised to become a working man. Now we're stuck in the circle of life. Who invented money anyway? You know I think its all cos of our human nature. It's hard for us to let go of something that belong to us for nothing!

I've learned that its time for me to take care of myself and do whatever I want. There're a lot of thing I've always wanted to do, to buy. I just always think that I cannot which is not true. I just need to learn how to manage things. You know I've planned to clean/organize my room to make it less messy and be a place I wanna sleep in lol It's still a mess but I love it, even though I would be able to invite someone over or they would think 'dang what a nasty girl!' lol I just have to figure out when I should start to do something with it. Perhaps this weekend but I know I can prolong to next weekend or later and I will still keep remaining myself I will do that. My birthday is coming sooner than I thought. Geez I dont wanna get old. I wanna look healthy but I dont do any exercise at all. Thats how lazy I am. I know that a lot of people work out to keep their body fit. I dont think I'm that kind of person but perhaps its time for me to change my mind. I do wanna take some extra vitamin as my friends suggested cos I dont think that whatever we eat everyday is healthy enough and provide what our body really needs but then I think again, is it really neccessary?

Then,I've been thinking if I should do some travelling again? You know to experience the real world. I was thinking of the Aussie town. I am so easy to listen to my friends who are going there this year. I dont know why Australia has suddenly become a place I wanna visit. It has never been on my mind till recently.I still need to know carefully about doing this because I want it to be great and special! Hope to see some TFers when I go there. I just dont know when yet, but I definately will.

Today, I realize how much I love my mom. I was listenting to the radion discussion where they asked the listeners if any of us has seen or involved with cruel treatment towards parents. It was such a shocking to learn that there're really meannie people who can even treat a person who has raised them lower than a dog out there. I'm sure that sometimes a dog loves its puppies more than human. I almost cried. It made me think and wonder if I have ignored my mom sometimes? So I gave her a call today and she seemed to be so happy to hear from me. Now I make up my mind that I will definately buy a place where all of us can live together because I dont want my mom feel like I dont love her or want to be with her anymore.

There is also a friend who sent me a song called "beautiful freak". It was kinda weird but nice that someone think of you as a beautiful freak! It makes me smile cos I know for sure no one is perfect and even though you're beautiful, it does not mean you're not a freak! hahaaha I'm not sure if he thinks i've been so mean to him lately just cos I dont agree on everything he says. People are difficult and we all know that. I just wonder why we cant change people mind and make them agree with us so there will be any kind of war in this world and we all live happily and peacefully. Talking about peace, I also heard some news about the US solider that raped a iraqi girl while her parents and sisters were shot in other room. Sad news indeed *sigh

Last but not least, I've been reading my old testimonials from 2004 here. I didn't realize that people used to so friendly here. I really have had TONS of very touching testimonials that really cheer me up. I was right that I didnt delete them. Its good to be a premium so at least you can have 20 pages of testmonials but thats not enough for me, for a lot of people. You see I've done everything like putting up a journal so everyone can leave me a testimonial unlimitedly but then I can no longer put a link on my profile anymore cos the html thing was disable here. Now i've got 483 pending testimonials. Sound ridiculous huh? Well i've already deleted some sound-like-a-pm testimonials so keep up some space. Hope I dont sound too greedy hehee I love to hear from all of you. The truth is a small sincere greeting can actually brighten my day. I believe that compliment, small gentle note to show you care is somewhat necessity to some people like me cos we dont wanna feel left out or invisible. And the only time you wanna be invisible is when you dont wanna get connect with everyone but yourself. It's really your own choice you make. I still wanna be invisible and get away from the crowd sometimes. Btw, I do appreciate all your msgs and testimonials. I'm just too busy (and perhaps lazy) to reply sometimes. I do have a life outside this space world too, even though you may find me online a lot lol Hence, I'd try to get back at ya asap. Send me a reminder or something, if I make ya feel I ignore you ok?

Riiiiiiiiiight I think I'm gonna stop here now cos no one is gonna read my journal as its getting too long and there's nothing so saucy to write about or attract you lol i'm gonna sleep long this weekend...nice! you should do too!

Have an awesome weekend everyone!

I can see you.... nite nite little May

spending some time at the airport, and just want to drop you a line and say hello, (on my way to bkk )

Nice journal. I suggest copying all your tesi's once and a while to word. You'll have them forever

wow! that is a journal with a lot of thought !...and nice things in it.....

don't stop feeling, and thinking and wondering....and don't worry too much about getting old.

the years go by faster and faster.

it feels like yesterday when my hair was short on one side and to my shoulders on the other side, and coloured sky blue.....(start of punk rock, new wave days)......now i barely have any hair left.

time flys !

then we are dead...and 50 years later nobody remembers our name...that is life!

nice journal Aphro !

Aaaww that was a long one May :-) ~ so many wise words from such a young girl ~ :-)

"There're a lot of thing I've always wanted to do, to buy." Me too! :-)

"Geez I dont wanna get old." Me neither! :-)

You are old as you feel May we all have times in our lives when we can't be bothered (ie going to work) at least you still have your health without that you can't do anything!! Hope you come to Melbourne Wallace said he will buy you a drink (we have singha down here) I will to!!!! lol lol

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!!! Its about time u called mom! geez...what took u so long! Have a fab weekend (re)tart.

you have so many things going on your mind.. probably, we should exchange some drinks tonight hun..

I do read it, every line.. thoughtful journal ^^

That was a very lonnnnng jounal (^O^), but very good thoughts, May

Very nice journal May! Difficult to take life as it comes, while sometimes you should do some planning eh?... It's also important to sometimes lay back and calm down. I think you're busy in a good way. Cherish what you have and call old friends and your family... cheers Yuri

hahaha yeah i know its pretty long.. but it comes out from my chest... after whatever happened in my life for a past week im quite busy but happy hehehe

omg that's the most i've read since my last book lol

Nice journal though.....come to Aus with me