This is a very good blog entry by one of my friends. I thought I should share with you guys

My latest blog about break ups

by Santi Na Ayuthaya Relationships end every day. Sometimes a break-up is some what a mutual decision. Sometimes a person just stops calling or coming around for no reason, and with no explanation. Sometimes you get a "Dear John" letter breaking news about the break-up. Sometimes you come home to find the locks have been changed and all your belongings are in a pile at your front porch. These past few days facebook filled with those people who got dumped and spent hours finding their ways out.

I do not call myself an expert in break ups but I have learnt from them not less than hundreds. How am I coping with it and be able to stand tall and walking fiercely? Here are some of my advices…

Reactions to a relationship break-up can range from being glad that it’s finally over to intense pain and regret. The person who has initiated the break-up has usually thought about it and made a decision to leave, and usually has less emotional pain. The person who learns the other no longer wants to be with usually feels most of the pain and regret. Wandering around asking the ultimate question like; what have I done wrong? Wasn’t I good enough? , or the unspoken ….Who is that person you chose?

If you are the one being left you may want to do everything you can to get back with your ex. But should you?

Most of the answer to that question with an "Of course! I can't live without him." Feelings of loss and sorrow, even anger, may be running high at this point, so it is difficult to stop and do a careful appraisal of the real situation. But that is exactly what is needed most before making knee-jerk efforts to get back together with your ex.

It is perfectly understandable to be emotionally down after a relationship break up. You’re moving into a new chapter of life. You are moving forward in life without that person that you deeply cared for. It’s ok that if you are sad after a break up, it only means that you found something wonderful in another person and you really miss it. There is nothing wrong with that.

Here are some questions to ask yourself before attempting to get back with your ex-lover after the break-up.

- Do I genuinely love and respect my ex?

- Does that person love and respect me?

- Was there something worth saving in our relationship?

Spend some time thinking about what your relationship was really like before answering. If you answer yes to all three questions, it may be worth the time and effort to reconcile with your ex. Reconcile should not happen because you want to not because you have to and it’s the right thing to do.

Then answer these questions:

- Am I afraid I can't find anyone?

- Am I trying to get back with my ex because of your pride towards rejections?

- Am I so afraid of being alone I will put up with intolerable circumstances to be back with my ex?

Answering yes to any of these questions may mean you should think twice about making efforts to reconcile with your ex. Salvaging a broken relationship require honesty and commitment. You must give up fear and pride to succeed.

As you start to develop some emotional distance, spend some time thoughtfully considering your failed relationship. What were your shortcomings? What were your failures? What could you have done better? Did you make some compromises that, in hindsight, were ill-advised? What have you learned from the relationship? What are you going to do in the future to give your next relationship a better chance for success?

You made a big personal and emotional investment in a relationship that ultimately failed. I think it is really important to learn something from your experience

Coming to the realization that a relationship is really over and that efforts to save it are not in your best interest will not make the pain any less. But you will be better able to move on and find a new love or take some time off from being in a relationship for awhile. Both are good outcomes--getting your ex back is not the only road to happiness.

Even if you decide your relationship is worth fighting for there is no guarantee that you will get back together with your ex. Asking yourself tough questions like the ones above is a great place to start.

Does this relationship with this person make you happier than being single?? This is a question you most should ask yourself and please… be honest!!

Your friend has obviously thought about this a lot, but she has had over one hundred break ups?

Is that correct? Wow.

very realistic and plausible approach. But doubt many people think this way when they're in emotional distress

must be written buy a men

Jeezzz... and i thought i've had a lot of breakups ...

this article reminds me of the first self-help book that i bought...

"It's called breakup because it's broken"

It helps when you're in a bad situation like that, but at the end of the day.. it's only you who can help yourself...

xoxo

B.

Actually it's written by a woman trapped in a man body khaaa lol I think it's very well written. I had a break-up trauma before but i've changed and grown up a lot. i know how to handle and accept why we'd break up now.

I always thought a woman was right! (;-)

Interesting read.